Most legible scottish person

"Being a lesbian sucks sometimes. You tell another girl she's a hottie, and she says, "thanks" like we're being friendly. I ain't just being friendly, I'm trying to fuck!"
I think I translated it correctly.
- Thanks for translating. As a non native English speaker I nearly got a stroke trying to understand these.... words.
  
  To assist:
  Lesbo: short for lesbian
  Pish: an expression of frustration
  Bangin': hot
  nd: and
  ye: you
  am no: I'm not
  tae: to
  yer: your
  pal: friend
  shag: have sex with
  
  As a native English speaker I nearly got a stroke trying to figure out what it said
  
  As a native English speaker, me too.
  
  Should watch still game. You'll end up with a brain aneurysm trying understand the Scottish pensioner's
- Isn't "coming from you" a put down? Or does it more mean "you care about fashion and looks, so obviously you know"?
  
  It’s an amplifier. “You’re hot” makes it mean “someone as hot as you thinks I’m hot? Damn”, “you smell terrible” makes it mean “how the fuck do you of all people even notice my small with that rank odor”
  
  It's ambiguous, but the 👸 emoji solidifies it as a positive comment.
- ...And she says, "thanks" knowing I'm a lesbian and appreciate female beauty sexually taking the complement more intensely. I ain't just being....
  ITIFTFY?
- Where i come from a shag is a party
  
  That's a shag, a noun. What about the verb, to shag?
  
  where i come from it's a carpet
  or just particularly thick pubes
- I think gays and straights have the same problem, though.
- That's how I read it too.
  Also, this is how a girl politely turns you down. I take heart that lesbians are in the same boat as hetero guys when it comes to this struggle. I read this and think "oh, girls are bad at this too!"

I swear Scottish people are the only ones who type in their own phonetic accent
- ~~Scots isn't just an accent, it's a language in its own right.~~
  ~~Although honestly I'm not sure how much of this is Scots and how much is just specific to Scottish twitter lol~~
  So actually having done some more reading this isn't Scots - I'm fairly sure this is Scottish English which is somewhat a merging of Scots with English.
  
  Looks a dialect to me
- Lots of people do it here in Austria too, and I hate it.
  
  A geh, is doch iagendwie liab, oda?
  Übahaupt, jetzt wo si Hochdeutsch imma mea duachsetzt, und vü junge Leit übahaupt nimma richtig östareichisch¹ redn leanan, missn ma doch schaun, dass unsa Sproch net oafoch ausstiabt, oda?
  Mia hom a a longe Tradition, wonns um Mundoatdichtung geht. Da Dichta von da obaöstareichischn Hymne zum Beispü, da Stelzhamer Franz, hot gonz vü in Mundoat gschribn.
  Und weis ma grod eifoit: Es gibt a a eigene Wikipedia in unsam Dialekt: https://bar.wikipedia.org/ Oba do dua i ma söm schwah, dass i des vasteh. De is scho in da äagstn von de oagn Mundoatn gschribm.
  (So, jetzt woas i net, wöcha Sproch i im Dropdown do untn auswöhn soid... Wei wirklich Deitsch is des jo net...)
  [¹] I am fully aware that the dialect I'm writing in is not called "Austrian". The two big dialects spoken in Austria are "Alemannic" and "Bavarian", and the one I'm writing is the Bavarian dialect. I'm only using the word "östareichisch" here, because that's what I expect most people to use in spoken conversation.
  
  En Gruess us dr Schwytz!
- Newfies do the same. Was a whole fuckin thing to unlearn when I found the Internet lol
  
  Yes, and so many of them do it wrong, it's crazy.
  Don't know how many times I'm after seeing "bye" instead of "b'y". Stunned.
- I hate reading the Americans now typing "y'all".
  
  I'm a northerner and I still had to accept the unimpeachable logic that y'all is a versatile and useful word
  
  I'm not American and I will forever type y'all because it's useful and I like it lol
  
  Y'all is just a useful word, other ways of referring to a group of people are ambiguous, esp. now that They doesn't always mean multiple
  
  y'all is a legitimate word and i'll fight you over it.

It's easier if you read it out loud with a Scottish accent. Works for novels as well!
“Nac Mac Feegle! The Wee Free Men! Nae king! Nae quin! Nae laird! Nae master! We willna' be fooled again!”
― Terry Pratchett, The Wee Free Men
- I had to read half of Trainspotting like that!
- "PICTSIES!"
  Cracks me up every time.
  
  One of, literally, 1,000 moments where I thought, "Wait. Why are they 'pict...' Ah hell no."
  The most brilliant and entertaining series I've ever read. Plowed all 41 in just a couple of months.
- Ye gods, Wee Mad Arthur was bad enough. At least he's inside pissing out
- That's microcephaly, not Down Syndrome.

I miss scottishpeopletwitter, did that move over here?
- U can make one, then post the reddit posts here until the sub goes off
- The least politically loaded and agenda-pushing peopletwitter. That sub encapsulates the lightheartedness of Scottish people.
  
  Just don't ask them about Brexit

I understood that, surprisingly.
- 2nd attempt, but I got there
  
  First attempt I was like "wtf am I reading?" then I read it with a Scottish accent and it made perfect sense

The names James, Bond James, Bond James is having a stronk call the bondulance
- Bond Name's the james
- Nonds the name, bames nond. bames Nonds having a strong. Please call the bondulance

They have trouble getting elevators to understand them too.
- Here is an alternative Piped link(s):
  They have trouble getting elevators to understand them too.
  Piped is a privacy-respecting open-source alternative frontend to YouTube.
  I'm open-source; check me out at GitHub.

Words can’t describe how much I love this tweet.

I wonder if pirate talk origins are from Scotland 🤔.
- West Country accent!
  
  West country you say wes..... Oh no oh lord not cornwall cornwall makes me want to bash my head into a wall I'll rather watch paint dry on said wall than listen to someone from Cornwall describe Cornwall history OH DEAR GOD HE WONT BLOODY SHUT UP HELP ME THE VOICES... THE VOICES... the voices... THERE SPEAKING TO ME THEY WONT STOP TALKING ABOUT WHEN THE FIRST CORNISH BAKERY OPENED UP IN 1887 OH DEAR GOD NOT ANOTHER FACT ABOUT CORNWALL
- A lot of privateers were from Scotland and Ireland!

Relevant
- This meme was peak, best thing about those games.
- Here is an alternative Piped link(s):
  Relevant
  Piped is a privacy-respecting open-source alternative frontend to YouTube.
  I'm open-source; check me out at GitHub.
- I am lovin it!

Is there a Duolingo for this particular language?

"Ye x"? So her ex?
- x = kiss

legible
- Most legible
  Most is doing a ton of heavy lifting there.

I think I'm having a stroke.

I can't figure out what half of that says and want a translation
- Being lesbo sucks. I tell a girl that she's banging and you get "coming from you 👸🏼". Literally no, I'm not saying that to be your pal, I'm saying it to shag you...
  Or something, I'm not Scottish
  
  maybes naw but ye ken fit like. pure spot on min
  
  she's banging
  "coming from you 👸🏼"
  Can someone explain why anyone would reply like that? I am not a native English speaker. I could understand “coming [to answer the door] for you, queen” but not anything “from you”.

I am not a native speaker. Prolonged exposure to the demoman from TF2 meant that I could understand all of this on first try. I am proud.

#ScottishPeopleTwitter