The Tale of Los Tiburon

Transcription

A 4chan post with a portrait of a masked wrestler looking off to the side

BROther Laughing Man !!6Ltud83uedY, 11/20/2010, 03:18

playing half-orc monk
decide to play something beyond weeaboo 'i am master of martial arts'
Spent 100gp on an inlaid mask with intricate tribal designs sewn on the sides with a 'fin'
BECOME LOS TIBURON, THE SHARK OF THE LAND, MASKED WRESTLER.
take feats revolving around grappling.
grapple EVERYTHING.
EVERYTHING
EVERY. FUCKING. THING.
including, but not limited to, a bear
final part of the campaign
OH SHIT DRAGON
dragon acts like a faggot, ducking into the water and popping up to use breath weapon
fuck that, I'm charging his ass
brother, playing warforged fighter, assists my MIGHTY LEAP into the air, where I pose mid-air shouting about the HONOR OF THE MASK
TACKLE A FUCKING DRAGON
deal unarmed damage, latch on, take deep breath in preparation for the underwater struggle
dragon goes up. forgot they can actually fly
DM gives me the option to let go before he goes up. Fuck that, I'm still wrestling.
200 FEET IN THE AIR, STILL WRESTLING A DRAGON AND DEALING UNARMED DAMAGE
Dragon actually starts hurting me. Have to come up with a plan. BRILLIANCE STRIKES ME.
"I roll to pin."
entire table is silent.
I roll to 'pin' the his wings behind his back, so he can't fly anymore.
ENTIRE TABLE IS LEANING OVER SO I CAN MAKE MY ROLL OF DESTINY
NATURAL. FUCKING. TWENTY.
I pin the dragon's wings, sending it and me hurtling into the ground. I have six seconds to make my final statement.
"I AM LOS TIBURON! And I am... a lucha!!!"
Dragon's neck snaps on impact
Through sheer luck or GM fiat, possibly both, I survive at -4 HP
Cleric brings me back at one, picks me up, holding one arm into the air
My brother immediately bangs his shield twice, making a bell noise
Party's bard/diplomancer: "And the winner is... Los Tiburon!"
high fives all around

And that was the story of how I made it to level four.

Anon 03:22
[replying to an unknown post]
Yes.

[replying to BROther Laughing Man]
YES

Anon 03:29
[replying to BROther Laughing Man]
you win d&d forever