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  • I remember this story:

    Detailed and unmissable instructions to carry out such a delicate and complex task, in 15 steps.

    1. Pick up the cat and cradle it with your left arm as if it were holding a baby. Position the index finger and thumb of your left hand to apply gentle pressure to the cat's cheeks while holding the pill with your right. When the cat opens its mouth, drop the pill inside. Allow him to close his mouth in order for him to swallow the pill.
    2. Pick up the pill from the floor and the cat from behind the sofa. Cradle the cat again and repeat the process.
    3. Bring the cat out of the bedroom and throw the slobbering pill in the trash.
    4. Take a new pill from the box, cradle the cat, now in the cat's right arm, keeping the hind legs firmly grasped with your left hand. Pry his jaws open and push the pill into his mouth with your thumb. Keep the cat's mouth closed for a count of ten.
    5. Get the pill out of the fishbowl and the cat off the cabinet. Call your wife.
    6. Kneel on the floor with the jack held firmly between your knees. Keep the hind and front legs still. Ignore the growls the cat makes. Ask your wife to hold the pussycat's head with one hand while she pokes his mouth open with a wooden ruler. Drop the pill in and vigorously rub the cat's throat.
    7. Remove the cat from the curtain roll holder. Bring another pill from the box. Remember to buy a new ruler and repair the curtains. Carefully sweep up pieces of porcelain figurines for later gluing.
    8. Wrap the cat in a large towel and ask your wife to hold him flat, with only his head visible. Put the pill in a straw gas. Open the cat's mouth with a pencil. Put one end of the straw in the cat's mouth and the other in yours, blow.
    9. Check the package insert to make sure the pill is not harmful to humans. Drink a glass of water to restore your sense of taste. Apply bandages to your wife's arms and clean the blood from the carpet with cold, soapy water.
    10. Bring the cat from the neighbor's roof. Take another pill. Put the cat in the closet and close the door on the cat's neck, leaving only the head out of the closet. Pry the mouth open with a dessert spoon. Drop the pill inside with a rubber band.
    11. Go to the garage for a screwdriver to put the cabinet door back on its hinges. Apply cold compresses to your cheeks and check when the last tetanus was applied. I put the shirt I was wearing in the washing machine and took a clean one from the bedroom.
    12. Call the fire department to get the cat down from the tree across the street. Apologize to your neighbor who crashed into his fence trying to escape from the angry cat. Take the last pill in the box.
    13. Tie the cat's front legs to the hind legs with a string. Tie it securely to the kitchen table leg. Look for heavy duty gloves. Hold the cat's mouth open with a small crowbar. Put the pill in its mouth followed by a big piece of meat. Keep the head upright and pour a pint of water down the cat's throat so that it swallows the pill.
    14. Have your wife, if she can drive, take you to the ER. Sit quietly while the doctor bandages your fingers and forehead, and while the pill is removed from your eye. On the way back, stop at the furniture store to buy a new table for his kitchen.
    15. Make an arrangement with an architectural firm to redecorate the house and call the vet to find out if he has any hamsters, or the like, to sell you.