1mo ago

I need advice for my body type and belly fat

I'm an average AMAB person: 32yrs old, 180lbs, 5'9" and I carry a lot of my weight in my belly. It gives me a lot of dysphoria and I stress over my belly fat a lot. I definitely don't have a super healthy relationship with my weight.

Last year, I didn't drink for the majority of the year. I took about 10 months off from alcohol, but I didn't lose any weight. I was also going to the gym ~3 times a week. I believe in CICO and so I believe I must have been eating more as well. But my body fat distribution didn't change at all. I moved away from my gym and so I couldn't keep going and then I lost motivation.

For context, when I was younger I weight-lifted a lot. I wasn't the biggest person in the gym, but my PR for bench was 305lb, deadlift 455lbs, and squat 365lb and I weighed 198lbs. I learned a lot of positive and negative associations with weight and diet. Weight lifting was all about eating as much protein as possible. Now I want to lose weight, but I've built this body to be big. I wish I never went to the gym. I used to hover around 155lbs and my body's "set point" never fluctuated until I started focusing heavily on working out and eating as much as I could handle. Now I can't seem to lose the weight. And it's basically just fat. Not much functional muscle left.

Fast forward to today and I'm starting HRT soon. But I'm super worried that my body fat distribution isn't going to change since I've read that fat cells can have "memory". I'm basically excited to start my journey in every way except I feel so dysphoric about my body shape. I hate this "beer belly".

What should I do about this? Can anyone help me with this? I fear the simple answer is that I just need to focus more heavily on diet and exercise, but I'm so demotivated by my experience last year. With no gym nearby (< 35 minutes away) and - frankly - a superb desire to eat, I can't believe in my ability to achieve my goals.

I just wish I could start over and be skinny - then gain weight on my HRT to hopefully gain hips and boobs. What's the advice you'd give me? Sorry if this post is toxic. I realize I don't have a healthy mindset about this. I'm trying to accept myself, but I also want to be able to wear woman's clothing and feel like a woman.

18 comments

Fat cell "memory" is a misnomer. Adipose tissue ( brown fat cells) are storage. They get created to store extra fat when no others are available. When they empty, they stick around until natural cell death happens, which is anywhere from 3-5 years. MtF redistribution just changes where the body makes new cells, so the ones you have still do their thing until attrition happens. There is some truth to "weight cycling" in that you try to get the new cells to show up where you want, but it also fills the old ones until they get reabsorbed.
- That's super interesting! Seems like difficulty to juggle all of that tbh, but it makes sense.
  
  The good news is that you don't have to worry. Once the distribution pattern of new fat shifts, you'll start to notice it building up in new areas and receeding in others.
  Bellyfat is persistent, but so long as you can manage a caloric deficit you'll be on your way toward your goal weight.
  My suggestion is not to bother counting calories and estimating your burn rate, what you want is an app that can take your last two or three weeks of weigh-ins and give you an overall caloric balance. That's a long enough baseline to model your actual habits and average out any variance in hydration, and the balance is the only figure you need, no estimation needed.
I'm not suggesting this, only explaining what I'm currently doing. I'm doing what another commenter referred to as "weight cycling". I started losing weight in December by starting a restrictive 500 calorie deficit (I calculated my daily expenditure at 1850 calories, so I ate 1350 a day). I stuck to a high protein diet to feel more full from my food. I lost from 150 to 125 over the course of 13 weeks (~2lbs/week) at 5'9". I started my HRT in January, about a month after I started my cut. About halfway through my cut, I started intermittent fasting, so 16 hours without eating each day, which helped me significantly. I did not have cheat days during my cut. I got to a point where I was fairly happy with my waist, but I still had nothing in my thighs, butt, or hips. I'd always planned to maintain for a couple weeks and start gaining again, and I have. Most of it is still going to my waist, so I will be cycling again (and probably will repeat for a long time until my body is consistently storing fat in the right places). I did start exercising halfway through; intense cardio (cycling) for 60+ minutes 4 days/week, and bodyweight abs and glutes exercises 1 day/week. After recalculating my daily expenditure, I bumped my calories up to 1800/day.
I can tell that fat distribution is going to be a struggle for awhile, but it's hard to say how long. Though I will continue weight cycling throughout my gradual journey through HRT. The reason I'm not specifically suggesting this to you is that it is very difficult to maintain the kind of discipline I had to during my cut, especially with exactly 0 cheat days. Intermittent fasting helped me significantly (and there is lots of research to back up why that is), and I'll most certainly be doing that during my future cuts. I've heard that having consistent daily calories eventually plateaus weight loss, and there is some method out there that helps you split it into different calorie limits for each day of the week that supposedly helps mitigate that? Haven't tried that myself, so I can't attest to it, though it may be useful depending on how much you're looking to lose.
Regardless of what you end up doing, I wish you the best in your journey! I know firsthand how much of a struggle it is, but we'll get there eventually!
EDIT: As a side note, I lost 5" around my waist from my cut! (Though some of that has come back now that I'm gaining again)
You mentioned drinking. Did you drink a lot in the past? I’m no expert, but my understanding is that heavy drinking creates fat around your abdominal organs which is harder to work off. It’s also possible you put on a bit of water weight from creatine if you used that while working out. I don’t know the best way to quickly work either case off, but it should fade over time if you exercise regularly and avoid or limit those substances.
Regardless of those thoughts, the best advice would come from asking your doctor.
When I started transitioning last year I was just under 100kg; now I'm 67kg and my gut is mostly gone. My regime (not really based on anything scientific, just what I thought I could maintain) is:
weigh myself every morning and record it in a spreadsheet (this was HUGE for motivation)
take short 30m walks as often as possible
only skip meals if I'm not hungry
eat normally, just reduce the quantity
aim for not starving rather than full
no more than one "treat" (beer, sweets, junk etc) a day
being restrained even on cheat days
The biggest thIng for me was to realise I'd been comfort eating a lot. Now I can ask myself, do I really want to eat this, or would I be happier if my weight was a little lower tomorrow?
Hope that helps, and good luck!
Did you ever try tracking your calouries? Though I do realize that knowing when you're eating too much doesn't really help with the desire to eat ...
- Yeah I use MyFitnessPal right now to track my calories. I'm aiming for 1600 calories a day which is kinda hard. I skip breakfast and sometimes lunch but I'm vegan so my meals tend to be carb-forward. I try and eat things like just Tofu
  
  1600 might actually be preventing you from losing the way you want. You might try 1700-1800. You don't want to go into starvation mode, as you might lose lean muscle instead. This is a slow journey. Healthy weight loss and transition both have that in common. Belly fat is the last to go on most people, and fat redistribution can take multiple years when starting later.
  Find outfits that work with your shape. Find joy in the time and the process. Find peace with yourself on the way there. You aren't alone in any part of this!
I dont have any advice but i feel this too. Almost 27, hover at about 240 pounds, 5'11, AMAB.
Its just the damn gut. Arms and legs aren't particularly flabby (hell, i have small but noticeable muscle definition there). I don't drink and never have, not huge about sweets, but i have had an unhealthy relationship with carbs my whole life.
I'm also far more sedentary than i should be.

18 comments