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internet funeral @lemmy.world

ɐɥO @lemmy.ohaa.xyz

2y ago

Please Wake up.

55 comments

Dear Medical Team:
Please send me an up-to-date itemized medical bill. If possible, coordinate with my family on my current amount of medical debt and send that across as well. This will help me determine whether or not I even want to wake up.
Yours sleepily,
comatose ryan
- Don't worry, medical care is now government funded in the real world! The taxes you paid prior to falling into a coma covered you.
  This is in no way a ploy to get you to wake up so we can put you in the medical work camp because you owe us 17 million dollars.
  With love, Kind and gentle Medical industries inc*
  *A fully owned subsidy of Nestlé
  
  The horror lies in the final sentence
  
  17 mbillion dollars
- I don't understand. Itemized medical bill? Do they make you pay for healthcare in your dream world?

Literal woke bs
- On second thought, nevrmind.
  
  I nevrdo.

Just 5 more mins

I know im not dreaming because if I were, i would be constantly being stuffed by a huge dong every hour.
- Does it hurt?
  
  Not after some practice

I asked to be woken up when September ends. It's October 10th. You're late.
- Me starting the toaster before wake-n-bake shitting. Hastily wiping my ass and washing my hands as the smoke detector goes off. Every goddamn day.
  For context, I toast in the air fryer and it defaults for 15 minutes and who the hell feels like turning that down.

I fuckin wish this was all a dream

No repercussions for my actions, you say?
- The dream has all the same repercussions within, unless you're able to wake up... but you can't wake up.
  
  Don't tell me how to dream!

Implying you're rich enough that they would keep the life support equipment plugged in for 20 years. It's definitely a trick of some kind. Maybe there are limited slots in the Matrix and someone wants to kick you out so it can be their turn.
- ,

Why is this post just a black picture?

...nah I'm good

Depends, is Harambe still alive in your world? If not, no deal.

This explains a lot. I don't know how to wake up though, and I'm unwilling to leave a solid life that I've built here in my dream to enter some reality where I've been asleep for 20 years, will have massive health issues, and will certainly be destitute and broke. So if you're reading this, I'm doing well. Thanks for the concern, but I'm going to stay asleep. Cheers!
- I struggle with mental health issues and a lot of the time I think I'm not okay at all and want to escape myself.
  Then a scenario like this comes up and I'm surprised to find out I wouldn't want to wake up? Even if it's only been a few weeks in "real life", and I'd have no long term sequela from the coma, I'd still want to stay.
  Good sign I guess?
  
  It's a sign that you recognize the good things in your life, even when faced with challenges. So yeah, good sign!

Nah thanks... this dream is crazy I have to see how it ends... so many new plots every week.
- please wake up.

Eh, I prefer the soft drink version.
- Where can I buy this, Margot Robbie?
  
  Omega Mart (it's an art installation disguised as a grocery store filled with weird products in Las Vegas, pretty cool place.)

Been trying for 20 years, this world is shit. Just pull the plug. The trauma I have here is way to extreme.
- If Miles O'Brien can endure it, then so can you.

I swear if you don't pull the damn plug I'll sue your asses to hell and back.

I'm so tempted to try to wake up, but I'd lose my fucking mind if I woke up suddenly without my wife and daughter. Pull the plug.
- ⬆️ this right here. Y'all go on without me; I'm having a good dream.

So that explains why the most valuable companies have been doing the same thing over and over for 20 years with small tweaks. My dream-self is not that creative.

Thanks for reaching out. I'll get back to you as soon as I can.

You wont fool me twice, I know why I left.

I love this.

Wake me up when September ends
- Bruh that was 10 days ago
  
  Bruh hit tht snooze button for 1 year

Please wake me up.
- Don't leave me hanging on like a yo-yo.
- I'd also love that
- So wake me up when it′s all over

Reminds me of 'The Sting' Futurama episode.

Why would I want to do that, I'm in this dream for a reason

So the R32 isn’t legal? Big sadge

55 comments