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Greentext @sh.itjust.works

🍹Early to RISA 🧉 @sh.itjust.works

1w ago

Anon pitches the next big movie adaptation of a video game

105 comments

The sad thing is I can see this getting made.

I hate that I can visualize this greentext so easily.

The fact that they show a Dark Souls poster and proceed to describe an Elden ring movie is very funny. Like the producers don't know the difference.
- they'd be proud of the fact that they never played video games, let alone the source material.
  look at interviews surrounding halo paramount, "we want to tell our own story in this setting" then proceeds to make garbage that actively disrespects the source.
  
  “We didn’t look at the game. We didn’t talk about the game. We talked about the characters and the world. So I never felt limited by it being a game.”
  The quote is amazing.

"Ah sweet, a new Miyazaki film!"
- Wrong Miyazaki! Go back!
  
  gets bogged down in poison swamp
- They need to combine forces so Studio Ghibli makes a Dark Souls/Elden Ring movie, and Fromsoft makes a game about Princess Mononoke or something.

I absolutely hate this, but can't deny that it's accurate

Tbh, i'd love a dark souls movie with Jack Black and Nick Cage.
- Jack Black as Solaire would work. I can see the jolly cooperation now
  
  And a shaven Adam Sandler as patches. This would truly be an awful film. I’d see it. Not in theaters, certainly. Not even my own streaming subscription. But eventually I’ll be on someone’s couch and exactly drunk enough to dare them to put it on.
- You're on the money, Cageman is who this movie needs
- Nick Cage
  Ew.
  I'm on board for Jack Black though.

That actually sounds incredible lmao
- Honestly, anything w/ Jack Black is incredible. He somehow saved the Minecraft movie for me by turning it into a weird School of Rock nostalgia trip.

They already created this game.
It was called Brutal Legend
It was quite good.
- That was unfortunately a Jack Black of a different era. This one abandons his lifelong friend to be as hollywood safe as possible for saying meanie-bobeanie things about trump (as a comedian on a stage that is known for political jokes)
- Yup. Most that you can fault it for, is the mechanics later in the game, which try to teach you how to play multiplayer, getting too repetetive.
  Because of course the game had PvP battling with music stages as bases.
  
  I think the main issue people had was it had lot of RTS sections further in.
  They weren't actually that bad, but the demo gave no clue that the main chunk of gameplay was going to be running around issuing orders rather than the basic heavy metal themed hack-and-slash it pretended to be.
- Pretty good soundtrack too.

Movie is called Dark Souls, plot is Elden Ring. Hollywood on par for the course.
- Reminds me of the director Jon Peters who wanted a giant spider in Superman and was shot down. So he got Wild West and put a giant spider in there.
  Hollywood does whatever Hollywood wants.

"they ruined it! There aren't even bonfires in elden ring! In lore theyre called this-games-thing!"

THIS SUMMER, ROB SCHNEIDER DOOP DE DERP DEE DOODLEY DERP
- This summer, unfortunately, Rob Schneider is
  
  going, FULL MAGA.
  zoom in on Schnieder doing a goofy face while wearing a red baseball cap as a slide whistle plays and he says "Who's afraid of the big, bad gays?"
- Now playing Elle King - The Let Go
  (Rob Schneider's daughter)
  
  You can do it Rob Schneider's daughter! Sing your fucking heart out!
- "What? Who cares? YOU'LL WATCH IT. Fuck you."

Fuck it, I'm down
- The "Who let the dogs out" soundtrack made me lose my shit.
  
  You know, I don't think I've ever heard that song in full. Apparently the dogs are metaphorical

AI will create this movie 20 years from now, I hope you're happy.
- Psh there's probably some Jabroni already working on it as we speak
- I'm predicting 20 months

Was the minecraft movie ai generated

Based af

Just a matter of time until this trailer gets made. I remember the Oppenheimer one and now that we've got the AI trailers, you don't even need an actual movie to use as source material this time.
- I've unironically been toying around with some free online tools trying to make a movie about Steve coming to the real world... it's slow going and not worth showing to anyone as it is, but I'm having fun.
- Hell, the mortal kombat fan trailer was fantastic. There are some talented folks out there.
- Fond memories of some redditor recreating the Terminator 2 trailer with video AI, back when it was impossibly primitive... eighteen months ago. Total gloop. Panning across a guy and a kid on a motorcycle, to the same guy and kid on a motorcycle, to a third copy that's upside-down.

Final shot is Jack Black clumsily wading through a poison swamp, “not again!”
- The swamp itself farts with every green bubble that boils and pops on the surface.

"Rock of Ages" was good too
- It might be one of the only jukebox musicals I don't want to kill with a brick, but let's aim higher

Well, I know people would watch it.
I did not watch the Minecraft movie myself, no desire to experience a full theater of people throwing popcorn around screaming chicken jockey.
Movie industry is fucked.
- i enjoyed the Minecraft movie. i wouldn't say it was great, but i was watching it with my nephews and had fun. it helped that mamoa and black were clearly having fun doing it and had good chemistry together. (i even play the song "lava chicken" for fun hehe)
- I watched it this week, no popcorn was thrown. The movie was a solid 5/10, and was only carried by JB being JB.
  
  I'm still sore about Jack Black being a coward and throwing Kyle Gass under the bus so IDK how much that would help with my enjoyment.

"Praise the sun!" Start trashing the cinema and blasting take on me full volume

Sweet baby Jesus I can see this whole thing in my head every time I read it, these previews are so cookie cutter it's insane

/>:(
Goddamnit I give up with the formatting
- :(
  Backslash, not forward slash.
  
  Thaaaanks
  :)

I wish “The Studio” was ballsy enough to do an episode about this exactly.

Yeah, that probably exactly what's gonna happen. Just make sure to end me before that please.

And jack will cheer on the Gaza genocide in a press briefing.

105 comments