Anon studies Buddhism

A monkey was in a tree above a river and plunged into it. He came out with a fish and scurried up a tree. Once safe in its branches he said to the fish, "Holy shit, good thing I was here. You were about to drown!"

Intention without awareness can be harmful.

Another one is the two monks.

Two monks are traveling. Their sect of Buddhism doesn't allow them to touch women. They came across a river and when they crossed it they saw a woman who capsized her canoe. The elder Monk swam to the woman and helped her to the shore. She hurt her leg so he carried her to the rest of her party.

Once they were traveling again, the younger monk continued to badger the elder Monk on why he thought it was okay to touch that woman. The elder Monk said, "I am no longer carrying that woman. Why do you insist on continuing to carry her?"

... And one day, Jesus saw a fig tree. It was not the season for figs, and so there were no figs on the fig tree. But still, Jesus wanted a fig. He was upset there were no figs, and so he cursed the tree to never bear fruit again. If he couldn't have a fig, no one could! Probably bathed its roots in a thin stream of uric acid, I don't know.

Point is, that fig tree never made another fig, and when his followers asked how, Jesus zipped up his pants and said "if you believe in me, you can do anything. Not only can you totally curse trees to death, you can fuckin' teleport mountains into the ocean. That'd be sick, dude."

• The Book of Dave, 69:66-6

In response to calling a prophet bald:

"So he turned around and looked at them, and pronounced a curse on them in the name of the LORD. And two female bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the youths." -New King James bible, 2 Kings 2:24

This is the real way to turn the other cheek

Its almost like nonsensical parables are a recurring theme in religions in general and we shouldn't be assuming a bunch of mystical morons from a thousand years ago knew any better.

Where have you heard them a million times? I guess you grew up in a far less secular country.

... What?

6 paragraphs for 'old mate fed himself to a tiger'.

I think I figured out why Bodhisattvas went extinct.

What

Beautiful words.

As a Buddhist it definitely varies like any religion. There are some bozo temples out there

That's like saying, "I used to be a fan of pizza until I had one in Altoona, PA."

There's better pizza out there.

It depends really. I grew up Buddhist and things were chill. Speeches I heard at temple were just telling us to be good people, be nice to people no matter their race or gender stuff like that, don't do harm to people or animals.

Even Abrahamic religions have good and bad spiritual leaders, some are cult like and others are just trying to get people to have decent morals.

I kinda lost my interest in Buddhism when I learnt that according to traditional Buddhist lore, women can't reach Nirvana.
When they've collected enough good karma, they are reborn as a man.

Out of curiosity, which Buddhist tradition was this temple out of? I've had similar experience, but I get the feeling like Buddhist thought might be about as diverse as Christian.

Care to give any examples ?

That's Hinduism, not Buddhism.

I think it's more about attachment. We suffer because we get attached to feelings, desire, etc. When we should realize, those, along with most things, are ephemeral, or "not real". I don't think it is that Buddhist can't have desire or are indifferent, but that they strive for lack of attachment. That's probably a gross oversimplification and, like most religions, there are many different sects.

Never thought that depression meant that I was enlightened.

Theres a meditative practice Dr Kanojia (healthygamergg, Harvard-trained psychiatrist with hindu roots) told in one of his video talks:

Always choose your second favorite dish on the menu.

He says your enjoyment will be the exact same, or even better since you become more conscious and dont waste the experience so to speak, like you'd do with the usual 'ol faithul' option. Also resonates with me because you learn how to notice your desires. In modern age there's these lustful/ignorant choices everywhere and more than ever before

Before Christianty it was also a lot of "killing people is just really fucking cool, actually", which even as an atheist I still admit was worse.

Not that Christians didn't.

But they made some sort-of-safe havens.

I'm not sure if Buddhism is particularly concerned with being nice

Ryokan, a Zen master, lived the simplest kind of life in a little hut at the foot of a mountain. One evening a thief visited the hut only to discover there was nothing to steal.

Ryokan returned and caught him. "You have come a long way to visit me," he told the prowler, "and you should not return empty-handed. Please take my clothes as a gift."

The thief was bewildered. He took the clothes and slunk away.

Ryoken sat naked, watching the moon. "Poor fellow," he mused, "I wish I could have given him this beautiful moon."

Dopest shit I've ever heard. Bastards established powerlevels before the Roman empire

The Dao that can be told is not the eternal Dao.

Spiritual practices are experiential; you aren't meant to just hear them, you are meant to practice them and be enlightened through lived understanding.