A tiny cyberpunk-style implant at the tip of the penis that would act as laser sighting for drunken midnight pee breaks

You could also just sit down to piss, and still keep your man card

Counter point:
In winter the seats fuckin cold as sin and I don't want my dick going inside itself right before I pee cuz that's a different issue that makes a worse mess
- Treat yourself to one of them fancy heated bidet seats.
  Or install a laser pointer in your dick...
  It's your world

$9.99 on Amazon, probably can find similar prices for similar stuff at a hardware store or auto supply shop.

If you wanna conserve your night vision, just find one with a weaker lamp or variable strength dial... and then wrap some red plastic wrap over the lamp.

A laser would have to be pretty strong to illuminate much more than the exact point its aimed at.... meaning you either wouldn't really gain much illumination from the laser and wouldn't be able to see the toilet... or the laser would be so strong you'd be able to see the beam itself, and that'd wreck your night vision.

Also, for it to actually be safe to uh... install in your unit, it'd have to be made of bioinert material, medical grade stainless steel or some such, otherwise it would get infected... and if you are more of a grower than a shower, doesn't matter what its made if, its basically going to hurt and cause damage as your willy goes from nilly to silly.

Save your junk the trouble, choom.

This is a surprisingly detailed analysis.
- I used to mildly follow the biohacking scene a bit over a decade ago.
  Lots of stories of DIY implanting an RFID chip into your hand or finger ... and mostly a whole bunch of stories about infections, a few about 'wait the battery died now i have to dig it out' ... basically just learning the hard way all the lessons actual medical implant designers learned 30 or 40 yeats prior.
  For now, our cyberpunk dystopia is gonna be mostly low tech, inexpensive jerry rigged solutions with as little high tech as necessary.
  Why do you think anyone that actually knows anything about cybersecurity laughs at the idea of having a 'smart home' filled with easily hackable or just self-bricking bluetooth doodads?
  I saw a post a few hours ago about Seattle officially turning on its AI camera system.
  People saying ah yeah, tear em down Seattle!
  ... these would in all likelihood be the same people that would have their phones on them while they do this, with wifi and gps and bluetooth all actively pinging out their exact identity and location to every nearby wifi hotspot/router and cell tower... and cop cars with a stingray device that acts as a mobile spoofed wifi/4g/5g man in the middle attack that sniffs all your data as it passes it back and forth to a real data source...
  ...unaware that gait analysis (exactly how you carry yourself when you walk or run) is a far more reliable way of fingerprinting a person than facial analysis, in the context of a surveillance system...
  The simplest solutions are often the best.
  Leave your phone at home, and get some glasses frames with bright IR emmitters. Not guaranteed to work against higher end cameras, but against most surveillance cameras? Bright enough IR light will just make you a giant glowing white spot.
  Harder to do gait analysis on an amorphous blob.