Enterprise was a weird show.

“Now don’t worry, I’m sending a hologram of myself that only you can see and hear, and T’Pol says there’s a 92% chance if you do as we say you’ll get sent home.”

“You seem awf’ly calm about this, Cap.”

“I may have had some experience. I find saying Oh Boy every now and then helps.”

not to be that guy, but on Enterprise they were called hand scanners or just scanners

Somehow he ended up shagging his own grandmother…