2d ago

What kind of dumbasses think we pretend to be trans??

I just recently had some awful DM harassment from a transphobic idiot who told me that I was pretending to be trans. It was dealt with but I'm still left wondering. Why do some people believe that we would pretend to be trans? What do they think someone would gain by "pretending" to be trans. It just seems so stupid because I've dealt with so much oppression and people invalidating me my whole life, and yet they still think I'm pretending to be trans for some some reason...? Why? What the fuck does someone gain from pretending to be trans? This makes no fucking sense whatsoever.

Sorry for this rant, I really needed to get this off my chest.

27 comments

I think of it the same way as people who think someone pretends to be depressed. It's just yet another way of invalidating trans people and I'm so sorry that happened to you. People really are cruel. Some people think they can get away with transphobia by diluting it (in their eyes) and this is one of the ways they're trying to do it. Make no mistake most of the time it's just transphobia, there are people who are genuinely ignorant abt trans people but usually this is just coming from bigots.

I truly pretend to be trans after getting rid of my factory equipment downstairs and got a new custom made glove box.

As a quite uneducated person on this question, I suppose some people have a very bad understanding of what "being trans" means... or are fascists...
Or both. Actually maybe both.
- I'm sure that that person who did it to me is either a fascist or both. There's no way they could just be ignorant and not a fash with how much of an ass they were to me.
  
  Being uneducated is one thing, being rude is clearly another, indeed. I'm sorry you went through this.

I never doubted that trans (or LGBT+ people in general) weren't pretending simply because it seems like it would be such a pain in the ass to subject yourself to all the stigma of not conforming to heteronormativity unless you were damned serious about it.
However, even if I had doubted it, the last panel of this comic would've convinced me:
Any cis guy who can be exposed to that argument and still claim to doubt is just a fucking bigoted liar.
- Just to throw this out there - you do not need to have surgery to be trans or to deserve validation
  ETA: not trying to knock the comic, just wanted to stress the point, as I've met plenty of people who seen to believe if you've not had surgery then you're still not really trans
- I regret to inform you that this won't change most of their minds. They already have the right wing talking heads telling them trans people are mentally ill, they can't imagine wanting to cut their nuts off, therefore anyone that does must be mentally ill and that slots right into their preconceived beliefs perfectly.
  I'd say your best shot to maybe make them understand is "do you wake up and choose to be a man/woman? Neither do I"
  It's even funnier when the topic is being gay because you will get a few that say they DO wake up and choose to be straight. Like buddy, I have news for you. (Though those ones are sad because they're denying who they are due to external pressures, but at the very least they should be somewhat empathetic)
  
  They already have the right wing talking heads telling them trans people are mentally ill, they can’t imagine wanting to cut their nuts off, therefore anyone that does must be mentally ill and that slots right into their preconceived beliefs perfectly.
  Hmm, that is a depressingly good point.

My dad's hot take on trans people was that they're transitioning to upset their parents. I'm not trans but this shit got me so pissed and is maybe the dumbest and most offensive shit I've ever heard him say. I'm sorry that you're in a position where people feel they can offload horrible marginalising garbage onto you. You're absolutely right... It makes no fucking sense.
- Classic narcisism, thinking they’re the center of everyone’s mind at all times.
- Do people not exercise theory of mind enough? Does he not ever realize that people live whole lives outside of what he sees and imagines?
  
  Do people not exercise theory of mind enough?
  Literally no.
  https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/can_your_politics_predict_how_empathic_you_are
  
  probably to busy trying to ignore whatever his own life has in store for him?
  in cases like these i default to my pet theory of "transphobic people are without realizing basically just inexperienced, scared little kids pretending to be adults, just like everyone else. except these havent seen so much of the world and a little 'exposure therapy' could actually work wonders if anyone really gave one of them an actual chance.. but nobody has to put up with their bullshit so nobody will 🤷‍♀️ " (speaking about a singular transphobic person. a whole herd of them is just a stampede waiting to happen)
  but maybe that is just naivety on my part, believing that nobody is so lost they are irrecoverable :3
- I think your dad has the dumbest take I've heard yet
  
  It makes perfect sense if you're a person who thinks they're the absolute center of the world and you judge every other person's actions by how they impact you personally, I suppose.

I mean we get the chasers, being banned from sports, degradation... It goes on and on, who wouldn't want to be trans🤷‍♀️
Sarcasm aside, they heard an old guy say it so that's what they know about trans people.
- Yeah am a cis dude - and have been peppering my friends groups with clear and concise factual data around the issues and it still doesn’t matter so I sadly think the issue is deeper.
  I try to present intersex and gonadal disgenesis in a manner that directly conflicts with the executive order (2 Immutable Biologies) and then ask them who should decide for those folks specifically, the government? I then explain that’s just the “visual tip of the iceberg” and everyone else is below the waters surface with unique hormones / psychologies / biologies and neurochemistry.
  The thing is - even in clear scenarios I provide - they still resist or hate. I’ve been pretty disenchanted / disappointed with folks I used to value lately.

It is dogma mixed with the unfamiliar. It is very similar to how people that do not GAF about me and my physical disability like to say I'm fine and just lazy or it is in my head. That is the most destructive bullshit anyone can say to me, but I have learned to translate it as them saying "I am a worthless homicidal fuck that wants to kill you," and that seems to help keep things in perspective. There are a whole lot of stupid people in the world. Average is a very low bar and half of the world is below it.
"Never argue with stupid people. They bring you down to their level, and beat you with experience."
Best part of that quote is when they agree and take it as a complement.

You assume they think through it beyond "I don't get it therefore it's fake"
- This and maybe more specifically, every opinion that doesn’t validate their worldview is "virtue signaling."

They might not believe that and just be trying to gaslight/troll.
They might have heard it's trendy and gets you cool points and somehow don't see how hard it could be.
They could just think trans people don't exist, therefore all must be fake.
They could think you are a troll trying to make trans people look bad.
If you are an NB, it could be someone who doesn't believe in NBies or certain subsets.
If you aren't trying to transition medically, they could be transmeds.
If you suffer from things like depression, they could think you are trying to look for an excuse to blame that on.
Could be someone who is in denial themselves and part of their denial is believing certain things are normal for their agab and trans people saying it's part of their trans experience challenges that. Similar to neurodivergent parents who deny their children's neurodivergent because the parent think of themselfs as neurotypical.
All kinds of excuses people could have for their beliefs. Pretty much all of them boil down to some level of transphobia.

similar to people who think sexuality is a “choice”?

I asked the same question about gay people back in the 90s and it was the start of me moving away from a conservative mindset. I'm straight enough that the answer teenage me landed on was "someone gayer than I am, but unwilling to admit it to themselves. Or a liar."

It’s in the MAGA rhetoric, sadly.

The same kind of dumbass who pretends to be cis, and hetero. It's projection. They're so used to "pretending", they can't imagine it could be any other way.

27 comments