HP ditches 15-minute wait time policy due to 'feedback'

Based on initial feedback, we know the importance of speaking to live customer service agents in a timely fashion is paramount.

Based on initial feedback?! We've know this shit for 40 years or more, numbnuts. These executives should not be allowed to work at the businesses factory ever again.

Fixing HP's statement on the matter so it's more honest:

We're always looking for ways to improve our customer service experience, because this is the first step in not doing that. This support offering was intended force you into less expensive options that didn't involve live humans because we're cheap bastards who don't actually care if your printer works- you've already bought it, and it stopped being a loss leader in the 90's. Seriously. the printers have not changed since then, but we jacked the rates when you weren't looking and called all those not-actually-new features something new and cool sounding.

We have found that many of our customers were not aware of the digital support options we provide. because we don't want you to use those, either. we want you to suffer in silence. and buy more ink. Based on initial feedback, we know the importance of speaking to live customer service agents in a timely fashion is paramount. As a result, we will fire most of our live representatives so that it takes then twenty minutes to get to you, instead of just telling them let you cool your heels.

also, we're updating our onhold music play lists. they now include Justin Beiber's "Baby", Nickleback's "Rockstar", Rebeca Black's "Friday", and the entire sound track to Cats, the musical. oh, and in the interest of keeping it diverse, Walker Hayes "90's country song".