5mo ago

Dating while boymoding - advisable?

idk as valentines day is coming around i feel especially lonely, but trying to date would open up a whole other can of worms.

To make sure someone would be attracted to me as I am now and as I (hopefully) will be, they'd basically have to be bi. But that feels like a very weird requirement to put out there... plus the idea of having to identify as a guy in a dating app is not an appealing one. this sucks.

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this kind of thing is why t4t is so popular. you're going to have a much easier time finding an understanding trans person than an understanding cis person in this way. actually, i think every boymoder i know is dating another boymoder.
also not related to being trans, make sure you don't get into a dangerous relationship due to the loneliness. i've been there, it wasn't good for my mental health!! i would recommend doing things with friends to dissuade loneliness so you'll be less inclined to date shitty people. that might be the aro-ness talking though, so if that doesn't work at all for you im sorry
good luck comrade, you deserve love
- also not related to being trans, make sure you don't get into a dangerous relationship due to the loneliness. i've been there, it wasn't good for my mental health
  REAL. it sucks so much to feel desperate.
As someone with 0 relationship experience, the only thing I can tell you is to actually just find someone bisexual then. Bi people do exist, even if the dating pool shrinks significantly. Although you could try to meet people in queer friendly spaces if that's an option for you.
- Bi people do exist
But that feels like a very weird requirement to put out there
Two points 🫶
Firstly, you're not putting a requirement on anyone, you're filtering out people you don't want to be with. Would you date a neo-nazi but put in the requirement that they change or simply filter out neo-nazis?
Secondly, you're dating for you. Whatever filters, requirement or hatever preference you have for a partner are valid because you are doing this for YOU and if for whatever reason you don't want to be with someone then you don't want to be with them and that is the only reason you need to not be with them.
- I appreciate the sentiment, and I think "filter" is a good word for it—it's not that I want to date bi people in particular, it's just being realistic that anyone who's strictly into women probably won't be into me atm.
I’m only comfortable dating bi, pan or fellow trans people at the moment (and maybe forever). It’s a smaller dating pool but the chance that a date will be fun is so much higher. I don’t put on my profile that I only date bi/pan/trans people, but I just only like profiles if they’re visibly queer.

7 comments