Unfinished business

Normalize these kinds of interactions. A) it's funny, b) that shit seriously gets lodged in your brain sometimes for no fucking reason lmao.

My Facebook messenger is full of these random anecdotes to former classmates. It usually gets left on read or replies are ??? But sometimes it reignites friendships and that makes it worth it.
Remember, everyone else is often just as weird as you are. People just hide it differently. Life is short, have fun.

I have no memory of this conversation. But it’s clearly to me, and avocados totally my spirit emoji. And would totally wish for barbecue sauce for a burger. Parallel universe maybe?

- Forgiveness is much easier (tastier) when slathered with barbecue sauce.

I once attended a party wherein the host cooked burgers pretty rare, then put them in a crock pot filled with barbecue sauce and set to low.

They were pretty tasty.

I would have been horrified, but I can see how it could be good.
- I wouldn't say I was initially horrified, but I was surprised. It was worth trying for sure.

I like to think this person was high as balls, got super paranoid, and had to get the biggest weight off their chest.

I wish them the best BBQ burgers.

True maturity is allowing yourself to be humbled by something so inconsequential, and going as far as to reach out to an old acquaintance if only to let them share in the laugh.

What a way to reconnect. None of that MLM pyramid scheme crap.

Next message “So my wife and I were wondering…”
- If we could cover you in BBQ sauce and have you as a snack. ;)

One does not simply BBQ a burger. Its golden buns require much more than just sauce. There is flavor there that never fails and Persephone is ever watchful. It is a grilled patty riddled with seasoning, and buns and the works ... the very air you smell is a wonderful delight. Only with two strips of bacon and a slice of sharp cheddar can you do this. Else it is folly.

Hello, my name is Earl.

"also I fucked your wife, which I feel almost as bad about, sorry bro."

I pretty much never use ketchup on anything anymore. It’s bbq sauce now.

Ketchup is for children. Not exclusively, obviously anybody can eat ketchup. Just like anybody can ride a bike with training wheels. Ketchup is the "training wheels" of condiments.
Anywhere you can put ketchup, you can put BBQ sauce, hot sauce, or just straight up vinegar, for a better tasting experience.
Kids just don't like the acid. But that taste grows on us when we get older. And then we wonder why we have GERD.
- I was with you until vinegar. Why would you put a cleaning agent on food?

He tried the BBQ sauce.

Wrong, in-and-out is garbage even with bbq sauce.

In and out doesn't even know how to cook fries or bread properly, how do you trust them to make a burger?

Where would you suggest as an alternative?
- That's not how this works. I don't need to tell you which of a million restaurants is actually edible, I'm just saying in and out isn't