Abuse is abuse rule

I was once seeing a girl for a couple weeks that FUCKING ROOFIED MY DRINK so she could look through my phone while I was lying there watching her unable to move. It was absolutely fucked.
- That's horrible, I hope you're doing better now
  
  I’m married now, and this was over a decade ago. As soon as I was able to function again I kicked her out of my house and never spoke to her again.
- Good thing you managed to stay conscious, holy shit!
  Didn't even know that was possible
  
  Depends on the type of drug, not all date rapes do the same thing. I think this one was GHB but I don’t actually know.
- Terrifying. I've had other reasons to only use a passcode, but now I have another.
- It's possible if you did a lot of weed or if you are a redhead, it might be harder to roofie/sedate you
  
  I’m not either of those things. But I’m a pretty tall muscular man so my body weight probably helped.

But the only place men have to go to is an imaginary fish thing.
- You leave blobby alone. He is trying his best.
  
  Poor thing's been ripped from its habitat into this cruel low pressure environment .
- Blobfish are real
  
  Unfortunately the image of them around the internet and educational book aren't. Those are what left of them after getting drag into the atmosphere they're not used to in high speed. It's like showing a decayed corpse of human and say "this is what human actually looks like".

Thanks for posting this! Being male and being abused is a very isolating experience on many levels. I wish good things upon you, friend.
- 🫂
  I am hoping for better things and healthier relationships in your future
- Hope you are better now 🫂🫂

Really applies to most things. I'm not a dude, trans woman, but I've gotten sexually harassed a lot both pre and post transition and the response I got pre and post transition is night and day. Pretransition people treated me like I was crazy for feeling unsafe and like I was supposed to enjoy it.
Honestly, men should be allowed to feel unsafe around women, or really allowed to feel unsafe in general, and be taken seriously for it.
- One downfall of what I only hesitantly refer to as modern feminism (although really I'm talking about terfs and the terf-adjacent) is that it has painted men as dangerous by default. I'm also a trans woman so I've seen both sides of the coin, too... I do feel less safe now, this is true. Many things were easier when I was living as a man. But I was never dangerous or an abuser.
  Nonetheless, a former partner used accusations of abuse against me and turned so many people on me. The only ones that stuck by me were former romantic partners, who knew the accusations couldn't have been true. For everyone else, it was so easy to accept that a man - even a clearly gentle one - would be an abuser.
  In reality I've been a victim of abuse - physical, emotional, sexual... All long before I transitioned.
  
  Im so sorry for you,hope you are better now ❤️
- I'm a guy.
  I've been sexually assaulted multiple times in my life by both genders. The last time was at the hands of a boyfriend who made me no longer want to be Bi. I haven't been with another guy since and only date female now.
  Honestly the response has never been in my favor. At the hands women it was ignored or blamed on me and by men I was told that I should have enjoyed it more. I've been belittled for not being gay enough to take being assaulted in public. And told I was being a problem for having it done to me in a work setting with apologies made for the perpetrator and then myself sent away.
  I never get to feel unsafe and I never have gotten to feel seen for it. Not by other men. Not by the LGBTQ community, not by women, not even by doctors. It's devastating and yet there apparently is no right time to ever bring it forward. It's horrible that it feels we have specific socially acceptable ways to be traumatized and most of them are against men. And yet the loudest resistance feels like from the people being hypocrites cause it makes for an easier narrative.
  I don't like people anymore.
  
  I'm sorry. I didn't mean to type all that. I'm sorry.
- I'm a guy and I have a cnc/rape kink (want to be ) but if a girl try to do it for real I would kick her ass no matter how pretty she would be. If you start thinking with your brain I don't understand how a guy could enjoy someone that toxic and disgusting.

Woah stop making men feel safe and seen. Next thing they'll become feminists, or worse, empathetic and caring humans!
- I actually spoke with some who said talking about problems specific to men, is somehow anti feminist, because it puts men into a victim role.
  
  "Feminists" that base their feminism on pure misandry are counterproductive to the movement
- That's not what helps men feel empathy, though. That's not how empathy is developed. If it was, movie actors and kings etc who have empathy extended to them constantly, would be the most empathetic people on the planet. Yet they are the least empathetic.
  The thing that gets men to feel empathy, is the man feeling empathy. It's like a mental weight - you have to choose to lift it. I can't make you do that by rolemodeling. You have to actually take time and do the work. Actually sit down and think and perspective take without projecting or objectifying. Just radical acceptance. You have to do that work. And only then can you be truly caring, empathetic, or a feminist - by examining your own actions as a man. It's great to allow men to have a sense of community outside of toxic masculinity, but this isn't how men develop empathy or Feminism and that's weird to phrase it like that. Like it's valid for men to punish women by removing rights, voting for Trump, removing empathy, and not being prosocial. In fact, that's quite controlling and abusive.

abusers are trash, no matter what their gender. May they all rot.

Al..right. Let's do a little sanity check and let's see how up or downvoted is gets.
It is absolutely true that violence against women is structurally endemic in our societies and they represent a large majority of domestic violence
It is also absolutely true that domestic violence against men is clearly under-reported, to an unknown but significant extant
It is absolutely true that abuse is abuse
Those assertions do not contradict each other.
- 100% on all points
- Damn. I've been exposed!
- Ignoring female-on-male violence and shaming men who are victims of it is also structurally ingrained in our society.
  
  That's also true
- 1 is questionable, in part because of the claim that we don't know how under reported it is in 2. But also because there have been studies going back to the 70s suggesting that most violent relationships involve mutual violence, and the ones that don't aren't a large majority of men abusing women. For example, the woman who founded the first women's refuge in the UK had written that many of the women entering her shelter were as violent as the men they were leaving, giving a number a number that was pretty close to numbers Strauss, Gelles and Steinmetz came up with from their research in the 70
  Those studies get questioned or minimized not because they have particularly bad issues with how they are done, but because the field is essentially subject to ideological capture and research that contradicts the goals of the activism at the time is worked against.
  There's also some playing with terms and definitions that works against men in this kind of thing. To use a trans example, all women in the UK who rape are trans - this isn't because trans women are particularly likely to rape, but because rape is defined in the UK as requiring the perpetrator to penetrate the victim with the perpetrator's penis, which means cis women are incapable of "rape", but if you're a TERF and need something to support your point... For an example regarding men, Mary Koss (a prominent sexual assault researcher, enough so that you almost can't talk about the topic in the US without touching something descended from her work) was asked a question about men being raped by women about a decade ago in an interview. She responded with incredulity, asked how would that even happen, and when given an example who had been drugged into compliance was told by Koss that that wasn't rape, but "unwanted contact" and in other places she's made a point about the importance of keeping rape a word for female victims because men just don't feel hurt or shame in the same way.
  Or NISVS where you see a couple of interesting things. One is playing with definitions where if a man copulates with a woman against her will it's "rape" but if a woman copulates with a man against his will it's "made to penetrate", with the latter being a subcategory of "Other" so as to obscure any kind of direct comparisons between them or that the two are as similar as they are. You also have this clearly demonstrated phenomenon that they seem to actively avoid discussing where previous year rape numbers are pretty similar (if you consider being "made to penetrate" equivalent to "rape") but in lifetime numbers men's reporting drops off drastically. I suspect this is caused by men not categorizing what happened to them in this way, in large part because they get told again and again that it doesn't count, that they were lucky, or similar until eventually they believe it.
- Under-reported probably does not begin to capture it. I doubt 99.999% of instances of women hitting their man have ever been reported in human history, speaking from experience mostly due to pride.
  Its a total double standard, as is almost everything with women. There I said it.
  
  Rather than plain mysogyny, men and anti DV movements which men are part of should engage in their conception of pride, seeking help, admitting you can be a victim too and listening to other males victims. And if course when they want it legal action.
  If you wish to solve the issue, that's the main way to go.
  If you want to promote a conservative backlash about feminism and spread basic misogynistic views, you're on the right track though.
  I've been working with movements and research efforts to make men more aware about reporting victimhood and seeking mental health help for years. I won't prove it because it would likely make my identity public, which I'm not comfortable doing here. Guess what ? I'm working with more feminist actors than you can imagine in your little echo chamber.
  Also : "immensely under-reported", if that suits you better. But considering your visible agenda, I doubt it will.

An abusive partner accusing the other of cheating is very often a projection of the fact they themselves had been cheating. Since they know they would cheat, and were/are, they either assume the other person is the same way, or simply don't want to draw attention to their affair. It's an awful thing.
- It can also be a sign of past trauma. I.E. they were chested on before, and are projecting the behaviors of the past onto you. Also awful, but in a much more sad way.

This reminds me of the Heard v Depp case, on the two X chromosomes subreddit there was this long ass comment from someone who experienced abuse and said she wasn't the "perfect victim" because she fought back and hurt her abuser back and how because of this it was harder to get away from her abuser.
And when I asked how does she know that in Heard v Depp case it isn't Depp who is the imperfect victim? Because he had multiple partners testifying to his character of being a kind man etc, while Heard had the opposite (AFAIK).
All I got was silence and downvotes.
- And the men's lib sub is the best we will get when it comes to men's issues and that one sucks too.
  
  The mens rights sub originally was a good place for dudes who were getting taken to the cleaners in divorce court, losing full custody of the kids just because the mom wanted em, and even an instance iirc of the wife taking the dog only to have em put down later.
  Then it slowly mutated into a watered down version of incels
- Hive minds are strong remember to not rate your opinion based on how many up votes it gets
  
  what then am i supposed to rate it on? /hj
  
  I once got a -28xx on Reddit for a comment I still don't think was even interesting. From what I understand, of their scoring algorithm at the time, that means I had a lot more downvotes than that.
- Have you heard of battered woman syndrome? Do you understand the court case that lead to it?
  https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Francine_Hughes
  The reason is that most men are physically stronger than most women and also we live in a heteropatriarchy that caters to men first. There was clearly mutual abuse by both partners, and both Amber and Johnny are raging narcissists- but Johnny has a bad past too, including a questionable relationship with Winona Ryder when she was young and extreme drug use that made him erratic. It's impossible to know who was abusing who or what was actually happening.
  But I will say the leading expert on domestic violence, Lundy Bancroft, asserts that women are almost never the abuse initiator in relationships. Most serial killers, most violent offenders, are men. So yeah, women will typically blame the man because it's usually men.
  
  I don't usually comment in these types of gender discussions, so I don't really know why I am commenting this. I hope you don't take me badly.
  You say that we live in a society that caters to men first, which I unfortunately agree in general, adding later that, due to the usual prepertrators of the hideous crimes you listed being men (which I also agree), women usually jump to the conclusion that the man is the abuser. Knowing that, couldn't it be said that in this specific situation society caters to women rather than men? After all, you can't say "most abusers are men, therefore this abuser is a man." Each person is an individual. From a purely mathematical perspective, it indeed makes sense to suspect the man first, but that being the case, wouldn't bringing up that first point be:
  a. True, but in matters unrelated to the discussion? b. Contradicting what you say in the end?
  And therein lies my question to you. I am not that informed in these gender-related affairs and I am sorry if anything I said was wrong/insensitive, but I still ask this question, for no reason other than probably being sleepy. Thank you, and I apologize if I misunderstood anything. I did not watch the show that was mentioned, I really just wanted to ask about that specific part.
  
  Most serial killers, most violent offenders, are men.
  In the US, violent offenders are also disproportionately performed by black folk (including being an actual majority for homicide and robbery). I suspect you don't think we should make assumptions about black folks being violent though? I doubt you think when someone is killed we should simply assume the killer is black because the killer is usually black?
  And note, I'm not arguing that we should - I'm using it as an illustrative point of why this line of thinking is bullshit.

I am a 6'6'', 280lbs man and my ex-wife was a 4'7'' 97lbs woman. She would hit me and psychologically abuse me a lot, and nobody would give a shit because "how can she hurt you? You're such a big guy!"
She would use weapons, you bastards! She would hit me while I was asleep! She would hit me in the nuts! And even if it didn't always physically hurt, it definitely hurt in other ways. Fuck off with that mentality.
- 🫂

My wife once hit me in front of my kids because she didn't like my pointing out a double standard in how she was treating them. The one she was favoring recently started hitting the other one in a similar manner--basically just to silence her when she said something he didn't like--and when I pointed out the similarity to my wife's actions and suggested he had learned it from her she got mad and claimed that rather than hitting me she had "hit my hand away" which is a lie and she knows it. It is 100% classic spousal abuse and gaslighting, and yet due to the sheer size difference between us--I'm a foot taller--I feel ridiculous calling it that, and don't want to find out what else my son learns is OK from his mom if I'm not around, so here I am still married to her, mostly trying to forget the abuse when it's not actively happening. She's been abusive, but I'm not really in any physical danger, so staying seems like the rational option in my situation... I imagine that's relatively common among men.
- Hey man, I don't know your situation and all the details, but it's not at all ridiculous to call it spousal abuse or gaslighting. That's fucking dark, and that your son is picking up on it is darker. Your other kid likely isn't blind to it either, especially since she's started receiving that sort of treatment and being treated as the scapegoat. That sort of situation leaves deep scars on both spouse (you) and children. You don't have to be in physical danger (though abuse often escalates) to be in danger. Damage from abuse lasts a lifetime.

I have a friend who I haven't been able to hang out with for several years because his wife is insane and posessive, and he's decided to just ride it out until the kids are all 18 so he can divorce her without having to pay her child support.
He'll still support his children, but he'll do it directly instead of through her.
- It’s me, your buddy - well maybe not your exact buddy but a dude living in this same scenario.
  Please hang out when that last kid turns 18 and we are free. It’s horribly lonely and there is no one to help. Getting a divorce just means she gets everything including all the time in the world to manipulate the kids.
  
  You don't happen to be an electrician and a central-Texas scuba enthusiast?
- Wow, think of the example he's setting. If his kids were in that marriage, would he recommend waiting for 1/5 of their life to go by with a horrible person? How will his kids even know how to have a loving relationship if his parents are that fucked up?
  He's a coward who cares more about money than about being a good person or dad.
  And that's most men in these relationships. Men would rather cheat and lie than be honest and extend basic respect and communication to their partners. And then get upset when women finally initiate divorce for the broken shitty relationship.
  
  you have issues, please go see a therapist
  
  A parents obligation to their children is more nuanced than your implying, setting an example isn't the only factor. Not to mention abuse is used to break your will to stand up for yourself, and even if that weren't a factor, communication isn't possible with people unwilling to listen.
  Relationships are a two way street, but when you've got kids., it's not just about the relationship with your partner anymore
  
  I just told a care provider recently that I've no idea if I'm capable of a healthy relationship, because I don't even know what one looks like from the outside, let alone from the inside. I'm nearly 60.
  
  Wow, think of the example he’s setting. If his kids were in that marriage, would he recommend waiting for 1/5 of their life to go by with a horrible person? How will his kids even know how to have a loving relationship if his parents are that fucked up?
  He’s a coward who cares more about money than about being a good person or dad.
  Sounds more like he's a realist who knows how this will go. Kentucky requires the court in contested custody cases start from a presumption that equal custody is best unless there's a good reason not to and a preponderance of the evidence for that reason. A few other states require the court to at least consider the possibility, but the rest leave contested custody cases entirely up to the judges preferences and biases. The result is that the court tends to be biased against men because "a child needs it's mother" or some similar BS. Couple that with a lot of these cases involving Mom staying in the home and Dad having to find somewhere else to live, and suddenly it's in "the best interest of the child" for Dad to see them every other weekend, at most.
  And that’s most men in these relationships. Men would rather cheat and lie than be honest and extend basic respect and communication to their partners. And then get upset when women finally initiate divorce for the broken shitty relationship.
  They'd rather be in their children's lives and able to at least try to take care of them than risk losing them altogether while paying their mother for the privilege of being her former victim and just kind of hoping she'll use at least some of that for the kids. And I'm not even going to start on the fundamental "man = bad" presumption here.
  
  You're being down voted, but I mostly agree with you. Putting your kids through the issues of your failing relationship isn't doing them any good either. There's no good answer, but staying for your children is often putting them through even more trauma than the divorce would.

My ex-wife was arrested for slapping me and breaking my glasses.
Like many other victims of abuse, I stayed married for several more years. Been away from that nutjob since 2009.

Literally my ex, any the typical reactions, where somehow I'm to blame for her insanity, because men are all bad and women are always right.
Ironically, she was cheating. Its always projection with the psychopaths.

I guess if she's suspecting other women, it's up to the bros to be there for him. Remember to support your bros and get them to seek help! (There's nothing unmanly about heart to hearts about abuse).

Thanks, Mr. Blobfish! That's funny, I don't recall taking Ambien...

I have been abused by both my mom and my partners. They took advantage of my insecurities, because of their insecurities. No one ever acknowledged it until recently. I have no trust in ever getting a relationship with someone who treats me equally. According to my therapists, I responded by turning into myself instead of developing a personality disorder. Apparently I'm too sweet.
- I don't know that turning onward is a bad idea. It can be, if we get terrified and refuse to go deeper. What I mean is, grief work and rage work and all the icky stuff is necessary, as are breaks from the heaviness. Be gentle with yourself, friend.

Wtf is that pink blob though
- A blob fish.
  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blob_sculpin
  
  One of nature's most aptly named creatures
  
  More wtf than before

This will keep happening as long as the left treats any acknowledgement of mens issues as a moral failing
- What left is doing that?
  
  How? By refusing to accept that female on male abuse is a thing. Go find a mainstream leftist place and bring it up. See what happens
- You are a problematic man.
  
  I dont think he is problematic .it seem pretty correct that the left doesn't offer solution to men actually.

Always remember...
- This is kind of just victim-blaming though?
- That's derogatory towards people who have mental health issues, though, most of whom are MUCH more likely to be victims of abuse than perpetrators.
- Why is never in quotes?? What is this implying?
  
  There can be a positive "crazy" but it's quite a gamble
  
  Oh... wouldn't you like "to" know?
  
  ...sarcasm: quotes always imply sarcasm...
  
  It's implying that this is a braindead MRA meme.

Lemmy's continuing the progression from liberal privilege to MRA "activism". smh.
- So you are okay that men can be abused?
  
  Most people are. We deserve it for some reason.
- Gr8 b8 m8
  This one's low hanging fruit tho, need to try a bit harder
- Saw this comment and thought I was on Reddit.
  I think you got lost along the way.
- Agreed. I've been seeing more and more "woe is men" stuff lately. Not too surprising since most people here are Reddit refugees. The platform where every single "woman bad" post makes the frontpage.
  
  "woe is men" isn't a comparison to women.
  Women are victimized by the patriarchy in many ways. Men are victimized by the patriarchy in many ways.
  Everyone suffers from the patriarchy. We need to dismantle the patriarchy both by fighting our own fights AND by supporting eachother.
  We don't win by dismissing eachother's pains as invalid or less important.
  
  Maybe men are pushed to the extremes because of people like you shitting all over them when there is a post about men's issues.
  
  Hot take bruh
  
  Vulnerable narcissists make up a large portion of incels