9个月前

Let your old self go

I always wondered why that line resonated with me so much... now I get it.

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TIL Real Life Comics didn't end in 2015. I kept that bookmark for years hoping for a new post, but gave up eventually, which was apparently slightly too soon.
- Same! The early transition comics are crazy, she tells her wife and then they have a second kid together! (The trans stuff starts about here btw)
  Honestly it's artistically remarkable to see a woman articulate the progression of her transition in this like, 00s-era Penny-Arcade webcomic art style.
  
  I binge-read it last night after making that previous comment. As a cis guy, I particularly enjoyed this comic about her being excited about surgery, and particularly, Dave's reaction to it. I also wish there were more comics exploring Liz's feelings about her marriage turning into a same-sex relationship without her orientation necessarily changing, as well as Harper's reaction to it (she's depicted still calling Mae "daddy" and I feel like there might be some subtext there). I'm happy for her that things have been [depicted as] working out well, but also a little worried since there haven't been any comics since April 2024, ya know?
  
  i haven't read it before so i checked in a few weeks before that post for context and -- yeah editing reality'll do that
I need to reread. It's been a very very long time.
- Wait. I know this art. What webcomic is this?
  
  https://www.reallifecomics.com/comic-mobile.php?comic=june-29-2020 (and subsequent pages)
Ohhh I thought that was their mom
Honestly, I'm torn on how I view my past self. I don't see "him" as a different person in any way except externally. That appearance and mind never really meshed, so it doesn't feel like a separate person (aside from the usual age thing).
Past me was not really a he, just someone who clung to the role she was given because she desperately wanted to be normal. It's hard being totally abnormal and hating it for your entire adolescence. I've wanted to destroy the person I was for as long as I remember, so I never really saw it as a full person, just an empty costume I was stuck in.
The big thing I didn't realize was that the part I hated was the gender. At first, I hadn't even suspected that it could be my problem. I didn't feel a clear urge to get rid of it or discard it, only feeling displeasure while wearing it that just couldn't be placed. I always would have been so much happier as a girl, but I had barely a clue. I truely didn't know or suspect that "woman" would fit like a glove I was always meant to have.
It was hard to realize that my male outfit didn't fit and was killing me. It was even harder to accept that I wanted a cozy femme outfit, not to simply to discard my old one.
My identity needed to be torn down and rebuilt, but I didn't even need tools to dismantle that cardboard shack. I needed to know that the shack was killing me, that I could tear it down, and that I could build a new home.
- A thought I often come back to is that we all (trans or otherwise) have far more in common with our friends and acquaintances now than our past selves of 10, 20 or more years ago. I'm a very different person now than that bitterly unhappy kid facing down year after year of hell at school. But yeah, I didn't suddenly become somebody else when my egg cracked.
  On the other hand, throwing away everything I thought I knew about myself was absolutely necessary. Maybe I am trans... maybe I do want to wear women's clothes and makeup... maybe I can wear a dress in public (OK, still working on that one). It kind of feels like (I imagine) winning the lottery: I beat the odds, somehow; I still don't quite believe it; and my life is about to change massively.
  
  I get that feeling of beating the odds. Nothing in my life has ever been harder than simply existing pretransition.

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