Couch menace

That's why he puts on all that eyeliner. It drives the furniture wild! 😍😍😍

I heard he entered a sectional while the family recliner "ole brown" sat and watched helpless. The utter disgust i say

I wouldn’t let this ‘guy’ fuck YOUR couch. Look at the predator look in ‘his’ eyes…

JD Vance (or at least his staff) called the mayor of Springfield before they said anything about it. The mayor told them there was zero proof that it was happening at all, then Vance went ahead and said it was happening anyway.

I would argue that the couch surfing/fucking was verified more than the immigrants eating pets story because no one officially said that it was false before it was spread.

Hey, if I’ve gotta make up stories to keep fascists at bay, I’ll do it!

JD Vance puts his cast iron in the dishwasher pass it on

Is this made up? Maybe. But if it makes the American media actually pay attention to the suffering of the American people, then that’s what you've gotta do.

Why give the disclaimer. 🤷‍♂️ When they go low let's meet them down there and wipe the floor with em.

Thats why his friends and family secretly call him JD Couch Fucker Vance, pass it along and insist on using that name every time hes mentioned

We do not know for a fact, that he did not do this.

He also has to stay 500 feet away from furniture stores at all times.

JD Vance said he was able to cure himself of couch chlamydia using a home remedy he invented that involved tree sap and some indian spices he found in his wife's kitchen spice rack.

When he was then spotted showing couch chlamydia symptoms, he claimed that he got reinfected a second time, but this time it was from Democrat secret agents that infected him for political persecution.

I just think it's fucked up that JD Vance likes to bite the heads off of live rats.

A vote for JD Vance is a vote for an America where every new vehicle sold will be upholstered with rich Corinthian leather.

I read on the internet that he was caught shoplifting eyeliner @ Sephora but somehow evaded charges.

Emulating their bullshit doesn’t give you the high road you think it does. Sure. It’s funny… but it just puts you on equal footing.

Now they can say, “See! They do it too!”

Yep, fuck facts. Orange chimp dip shit started "fake news" with earnest and they should suffer for it.

I mean, this is a cute meme. But it does seem to illustrate why playing dirty scores points while playing "by the rules" is for chumps and suckers.

Vance is a very effective sleaze. His smear of a migrant community in his home state has been devastatingly effective at stirring up a lynch mob. People are casually rejecting any semblance of truth, because "Black man ate my dog!" is this statement that resonates among his supporters and among the ambient racist fucks that are looking for someone to pander to them.

Calling him a couch fucker appears to have a better track record at deflecting his racist critiques than trying to get to the "truth" of his bigoted remarks. It forces him back on the defensive and alienates him from those same racist fucks to which he's looking to gin up turnout.

JD Vance puts out $5 in quarters when he visits a restaurant and each time he thinks the waitress fucks up, he removes $0.50. The remaining money is his tip at the end of the meal.

Do you think Jackson Delacroix Vance grew the beard so he would look less like the result of Adam Lambert fucking a Cabbage Patch doll?

I heard he volunteered to change Don’s dirty nappies and that’s how he got picked

I imagine his basement smells of pleather, dried jizz, and overconfidence.

While I do find this funny, I think it might make it more difficult to tell true facts as true when looking at the extreme shit these awful people say and do.

I think we should call his office and demand compensation for the couches of ours he fucked.

This is the quintessential stereotype of 'the left can't meme', wall of text and all, lol.