mental health stuff - working stuff out by writing....
I had a lovely day out with friends but struggled to get any enjoyment out of it, and to focus on the moment (very brainfoggy). Made me realise I'm further down the depression path then I thought. I've had a few big stressful things going on that have made me anxious and down. But it's gone beyond external - haven't felt this disconnected and ...grey... for a long time.
I came home and went straight to bed - just felt completely overwhelmed. Have managed to make dinner finally by putting on a podcast for company. And that's rice and dal so I'll get lunch out of it too. I need to plan out my work week - it's busy and I like to get ahead of it on sunday but I'm just burned. No I can't realistically take a mental health day or three right now either (for reasons, trust me)
So. this week I will:
- Eat breakfast and lunch and at least a light dinner. I can boil an egg if needed
- Sleep by 10pm and I will be out of bed by 6:30. If I can, go for a walk. If not, just stand outside for a few moments.
- keep cutting back on sugar and lay off the alcohol for the week - neither help
- Take meds and add in a multivitamin (I have a half a container I bought when I was getting over the flu).
god, that sounds exhausting. And I need to realise it is exhausting - so I will use my 'spoons' for food, washing, sleeping, moving. And the work I have to do. That's going to be it this week.
I'm going to post here to try to keep track. Hopefully it's just from stress/burnout and I can get back out of the hole with a couple of weeks of care.
The last dose was given last night. No more horrible narnies! 🍌 Hopefully no more wrestling Melbcat either. Fingers crossed her tummy will settle down soon.
Edit: Switched up the food a little. Springwater tuna and tuna juice has been eaten! So she’s had her regular meds without a fight. Little legend.
I’ve been buying the fragrance free Coles laundry sauce and it’s okay (finding an unscented generic product is kind of like finding a unicorn) but I still prefer the Aldi version because it has enzymes. I hope I can get the chance to stock up.
We just went to the La Trobe market. You can't best a good old school market with the guy at the fruit and vegetable stall constantly shouting
awoo
Joining the Odd Sleep club - kept on stirring awake every hour or so, with weird dreams the last couple of times.
The one that did me in the end was dreaming I went to a once off client (I work in aged care) and first of all the car wouldn't move and I was somehow blocking both lanes, then when I got there the client thought he was having heart problems and we agreed we'd wait and see what happened and yeah, if he wanted to finish his electronics project go for it, it'd soothe him whereas I know damned well from first aid training and personal experience that when in doubt you Call The Fucking Ambulance. So basically I couldn't get back to sleep for going WTAF, plus the cats both using my shoulders as pillows.
Eventually got up and turned on the heater because my face was freezing - took a while for the cats to figure it out but now Zooks is on my lap on the couch. Sammi is probably being a mini-potat in the bed15/50 - candy - who knew?
Watching Spy but randomly skipping parts of the start because i want o love melissa mccarthy but there's only so much 'woman does stupid clumsy things and accepts being treated as lesser by overtly misogynistic farps' i can stand before i try to leap through the tv and attack her and i'm already close to the limit because miranda hart is in this too. Also still running a fever so relaity is trnous.
Maybe i should watch llama face instead
Trying to get used to Affinity products and getting a little frustrated. Adobe is the devil but boy-howdy do I know my way around those apps.
Back home and defrosted after a lot of cold, cold, cold, and cold. It was good to have a solid weekend away and with different people doing stuff I never would've done myself, partly because it makes me redevelop an appreciation for being at home again. I definitely feel like I got away properly and cleared some of the cobwebs in my head.
Kofta is a success!
There's my dinner for the next 4 nights. Fuck yeah!
i should’ve gotten up two hours ago but now im up and that is good
(So I <3 you Mlem, but you keep crashing or not opening.)
I have returned on Voyager. It’s look on iPad is meh, but who am I to complain.
I also now have a dirty little secret. I finally tried CGPT today. It didn’t do the particular thing I wanted it to do, but it was interesting nonetheless. I’ve been reading some interesting comments on people replacing therapy with it and claims of better results with it and the image version than hired agencies. That’s a scary thought, but I guess it really highlights language and literal vs interpretation. Guess being a prompt engineer really is a thing.
Warning, strange dream stuff in a wall of text below.
In other wild news on the channel that is my brain. Holy hell. The dream/s I awoke from the morning I think just highlights some stress level at an all time high. My dream was such an insane jumble of scenarios saying it out aloud was just so bizarre. I do get a lot of jump/cut scenes in my dreams. So that bit isn’t unusual.
dream redacted
Then I wake up.
So I used to tell these weird dreams to my friend when I was in primary and her father used to always say I was fibbing. LOL.
If I could ever write this stuff, I’d be a modern day Kafka. Hahahahah.
Oh damn. Just woke up from a nap.
Modding Skyrim, looks like the 2021 Anniversary DLC is both necessary for a lot of mod lists and prohibitive on older mods.
Opened the Sunday Sun quickly and saw a fluff piece on a police horse involved in the recent protests.
It's funny how they can't find a person to build sympathy towards. And what about we stop selling weapons and making animals cops instead?
Accidentally posted this as a reply to the flowers before.
Vinyl finds today are a recording of the Hollywood Bowl Orchestra, the guys Bugs Bunny plays with. I have 4 of their records now, it's just like famous tunes and greatest classical hits but nicely done and a box set of Rusalka by Dvorak too. Last week I got a box set of The Merchant of Venice and over the next week I'll be playing all my Shakespeare records. :)
But mainly I took another bag of stuff to the opshop. 👍
Anyone watching UFC with me? Best card in fucking ages
