Bread

We have to lock ours in a safe because our cat's an asshole

Hate this diagram because who uses a bread box without any of the other non-chaotic evil options.

Chaotic neutral and lawful good is the GOAT

This image is fairly old, and I have disagreed with it from the get go. Chaotic evil is tying as many knots as possible, forcing one to cut the bag open.

what is the bottle hack?

I do neutral evil because I haven't seen a reason to do anything else.

the... the bottle hack is for things like popcorn kernels that you can pour...

whoever closes a bread with the bottle hack is the true evil hiding in plain sight

Does anyone still have a bread box? I assume it’s to stop rodents, but hopefully most people don’t have rodents in their house. Does a bread box do anything else, or is that another technology that can fade into history?

Edit: TIL;

• https://www.tasteofhome.com/article/how-to-keep-bread-fresh/

Jokes on you, de-aired, twisted, twist tied and tucked

Chaotic neutral for me. The twist tie goes in my twist tie collection.

Here's a version for my fellow gluten-free peeps:

I put mine in the fridge. Why? It lasts longer.

I use a bread box and still put the bread in its original bag with the original clip.

Where does “twist and pull back over the loaf” fall? Same as twist and tuck essentially?

I think in my entire life I've only ever seen one or maybe 2 bread boxes.

10th option: eat the entire loaf in one sitting.

No slip knot?

I tie a slip knot. That is stupidly easy to do/undo, but apparently I am hated for it.

Twist & Tuck gang

I'm chaotic neutral!

Chaotic neutral is the one true answer because it requires no secondary sealing device (clip, twist tie, rubber band, etc). It also allows you to open the bag with one hand.

Hair tie. I always have 1, or 2, or 3 in my pocket.

Where's the "four slices per freezer bag and keep in the freezer" option? Or am I just too good for this chart?

I had to switch to using a bread box because my dog would eat anything on the counter, and I didn't really have anywhere else to store my bread/bagels without really rearranging my limited cabinet space.

That dog was ravenous. She even ate a whole crab once, shell and all. I learned my lesson.

Lawful good and chaotic good is so much work for diminishing return. The best way to do it is to use back the tag so you know when to throw this bag of still good bread into the fridge.

Neutral evil AND kinda lawful good, but using a second larger bag instead of a bread box.

Where is twisting then wrapping the bag back around the bread?

I bounce between lawful neutral and chaotic neutral. Huh.

Chaotic Neutral

Chaotic neutral and the bread goes in the freezer

I'm lawful neutral until the clip breaks, which it always does, and then I go chaotic neutral.

I thought that said twist and fuck

Either lawful or chaotic neutral depending on whether I can find the clip again. But I doubt it matters since I store it in the freezer and heat the slices I need when I need them.

Just put it in the freezer in the bag it comes in.

Most of this shit has been frozen before it reaches the supermarket anyway.

Turns out I am Lawful Evil.

I always suspected my children were chaotic evil. The bread was not the first indicator.

What if you use the bag clip, but then slash the side of the bag with a knife to show dominance?

LG, back when I bought sliced bread, except for when the container was getting its occasional wash. In those cases CN or, more rarely, NE.

I switched to making better bread at home that could just chill on the counter as-is (cut side down) for days without issue. Then we figured out that part of my stomach issues are due to gluten (awaiting endoscopy for confirmation, but probably celiac based on an old DNA test that said I was likely, my dad officially getting it, and a host of symptoms that mostly went away when doing low-/no-carb diets).

My cat learned to open the bread box and then chews a hole in the bag...

This is brilliant 🤩

I am neutral evil - a twist and tuck.

Y'all don't just throw the bag in the refrigerator?

I was in the "tie a knot" camp for YEARS. Laziness just moved me into reusing the bread bag clip.

I belong to true neutral. Go rubberband gang.

It took me a few years to figure these are D&D related.

None of this shit. Homemade uncooked unrisen or partially risen loaves in the freezer, cooked ones in cloth bread bags. If you don't suck ass at making bread it will always be eaten before it goes stale but its still toastable or usable for cooking. Or just adjust loaf size to match consumption rate. In my region anything in plastic will go moldy before you get halfway, especially purchased loaves.

bonus: secret ingredient for general purpose slicing loaf. 6 to 10 tbsp of chestnut honey. The honey itself smells kinda iffy and tastes aeird but baking it in bread gives it this amazing aroma. Toasting brings out the aroma again after it cools. Great for real bread ice cream sandwiches, especially toasted if you do it as a bowl.

Isn't all of it evil, because they bought bread in a plastic bag? Use a paper bag. And if the bread gets hard, steam it, bake it, and its fresh again.