The worst part about this is that I can't get diagnosed for either because theres too much overlap
It's common to be diagnosed with both.
Yep. I'm even diagnosed with depression and doctors still deny it. Nothing like being told "You're not depressed, you just need to exercise" when you are a lifeguard with mandatory fitness requirements if you want to keep your job.
You finally get medicated. Life is good, you no longer feel sad and you can achieve anything you set your mind to. A few years go by, and you begin to realize that despite the medication, you still aren't improving. You can do more, and you feel happier doing it, but you aren't really going anywhere with it. You begin feeling lost. You start trying different avenues, trying to find the one that fits and will let you get somewhere in life. You feel more and more lost as you run down street after street, often only travelling far enough to get a taste, but never enough to achieve any real competence. You start becoming panicked. Why can't you actually achieve anything? Why isn't this leading anywhere? You realize you're sad, you feel empty and unfulfilled. You can't maintain a grip on a specific hobby or career because you've become impatient. You're back where you started.
So, where do I fix that?
Me being un-medicated for years.
Those feels. Add a little bipolar and you can switch to a jet fuel circle jerk.
Holy shit. I already knew that I'm not the only person to go through that, but it feels crazy seeing someone else write it.
I'm actually in the process of being tested for bipolar, my doctor wants to rule out every other option first. I respect that, but I need to try to find a better way to remember to actually set up those tests, especially after seeing this post. Thank you for reminding me.
No problem! Medications are way better than they used to be. Lamotrigine is fantastic and I don't get any fucked up side effects or feel like a different person. If some insane doctor tries to put you on lithium, run away. Medications like Celexa will make you manic. I know it is hard to make those phone calls and appointments to your doctor, or even worse, having to find one, but it is the one thing you need to force yourself to do.
Couple suggestions:
- Wash your sheets and blankets
- Cut out alcohol for a while if you drink.
- Take notes on any medication trials, including manufacturer.
- Get any sleep issues under control.
- Be honest with your doctor.
- Advocate for your health.
Don't forget that while both feed the fire, they also have an infinite cycle behind eachother throwing gas in a jenga.
