it's so fucking funny that recruiters are so dumb they sent this job description to me, somebody who posts on hexbear

I went to highschool mostly in texas, which means recruiter creeps in the lunchroom pretty often.

they'd usually have chudlets doing pushups in the middle of the lunch room, but sometimes they went out and used their social skills to try to recruit people. One time a guy in my friend group got his lunch and sat down before any of the rest of us, and a recruiter strolled up and sat down trying to have a conversation with him. He asked if he liked heavy metal (context clues, we were goths) and he said "no, I don't like music" and just stopped eating and made direct eye contact with the recruiter. The recruiter stumbled a bit and then asked... "uh, do you like blowing stuff up?" My friend's response was "no that's fucked up what's wrong with you, fuck off" and the recruiter awkwardly walked off while the rest of us were walking up to sit down.

I will never forget that when I was in high school this girl walked up to a marine recruiters pull-up bar draped in a Mexican flag like a Cape and did like 16 pull ups then walked away shouting "viva la raza"or something like that

You know what you have to do illegal-to-say

You have the chance to be a hero yamagami

Destiny is falling in your lap.

Tell him to take the headset off first.

Uninformed Division Officer

Doesn't that seem like low qualifications? I would have assumed you'd need some kind of experience and education.

That said, I'm completely in favor of incompetent people guarding US politicians

Based on what I've seen they're just cops whose badge says "secret service", and not actual agents with the suits and the sunglasses, so the qualifications are in line with that.

alright comrade, you're our man on the inside. your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to raid the medicine cabinet of every bathroom in the whitehouse and sell joe biden's adderall to private school kids in maryland

and then use the money to buy bombs disguised as glazed hams with a lit fuse

when they are screening you for top secret clearance pretty sure they would dredge up your internet history and fail you

I wonder if you have to provide a minimum number of social media accounts nowadays. When I was younger they needed a min number of non-family references.
- I have literally no other social media besides this and I have almost certainly been passed over because of that.
and then i'd be on a list for sure lmao

Death to America
- It'd waste a lot of their time though! Gotta look on the bright side here
The only clearance any of us are getting is Public Trust, because all you have to do is not be so stupid you'd intentionally leak every client's SSN.
You'd be surprised at how inept they are nowadays. Just take a xanax during the polygraph as well
- I’ll just apply for the listing I saw a couple days ago for “Polygraph Examiner at Central Intelligence Agency” and pass everyone
You probably wouldn't need a clearance. That's for handling documents and sitting meetings, not checking ID badges in front of the metal detectors.
- it says it's a requirement on the listing there

I want to be a hired gun to protect President Biden, SIR

Take it and become a Chinese spy

Seriously though this dumbass country will pay you 70k to stand around and do nothing when the time comes? You should absolutely unironically take this job. That's a steal.

Accept it and do the job as badly as possible for as long as possible until fired.

Interesting that once you turn 37, you're ineligible, I guess to prevent a guard mercing the president and eating his heart to gain his powers

genuinely more exciting than my 40th birthday, the day that I could no longer be legally pressganged into service

TBF they prolly didn’t know you were a godless hexbear poster so

honestly he should try it just to see if posting on this site actually prevents you from getting security clearance yet
- Mods run a security clearance check on all of us, and if you pass the check they ban you.

Mods should have to meet these requirements. I'm totally sick of some Peruvian man removing my daily posts about how ponchos are ugly.

That's bait.

My favorites are the very clearly automated messages where the AI just takes my middle initial and address me as that throughout the entire email.

The kicker always being when they ask me to recruit my friends for them.

Hope you take up the opportunity my friend. Working in federal law enforcement can be such a rewarding career.

'yeah lets send an email to the one that signs off with "death to america" after every message, they seem like a good fit'

tbf this is either just a bot email or a scam, and i dont know if the US has hexbear on their radar as anything really dangerous

I doubt “really dangerous” but I also doubt any of us could get the highest level of security clearance

Only a HS diploma and a test?

sabotage