The gods of Olympus have chosen you to be their champion and undertake a dangerous quest. You're 42 and absolutely not dealing with this shit.
You are on your way across the parking lot. (What a miserable day to end this week) You grab you car keys and press unlock. A bright light flashes and engulfs you completely. Suddenly you stand on a beautiful marble floor in front of marble stairs and between giant white pillars. Above you is a bright but cloudy sky. You hear distant music and everything smells sweet and fruity.
Before you is a group of huge people with olive skin and in white robes. They sit in a semi circle and have fruit and wine on the tables besides them.
The one in their midst and directly in front of you is a muscular, long haired man who stands up as he sees you and gives a faint smile.(Is that Olympus? Am I dead?)
"Welcome to Olympus" he exclaims loudly. And although you are sure that he is speaking Greek and you don't know any Greek you understand exactly, what he is saying.
"We have chosen you as our champion." You breath in sharply. (What did he say? Champion??) "Ahead of you is a great quest. Arduous from time to time. Prepare for great loss and greater torment. But in the end if successful you will be forever remembered."
"What is my quest?" You sheepishly ask.
"Your quest will find you, yet you are not here to be prepared rather to be informed of your forthcoming hardships."
You stare at him, blankly, prepared to laugh any second now, when the prank is revealed. But he (Zeus?) just stares back.
"Champion, do you have any further questions?"
"No" you say. You think for a second.
"Very well then. Good luck." And light engulfs you again. You are at home. (I should have at least asked them for a bite)
You take off your shoes, as a weird feeling comes to mind. You shout "My fucking car is still at work. Fuck!"
Your thoughts run wild as the subway drives you back to work.
(What the hell am I supposed to do? Fight some monster or Titans or do they want me to fulfill some heraculean quests?) (And why me? I don't even want to do the stuff at work, why live through "great torment" for fucking exposure?) (Oh, I will be forever remembered? Great, can't live off that!) (Do it yourself Zeusy-boy!) (With 42 years man, I am older than fuck!)
You reach the station and exit the subway. The night starts to darken the sky as you leave the station. 10 minutes of walking and you can see the dark lot. (No lights? Great)
A woman stands next to your car. As you approach, she walks in your direction. "This your car?" (What is her problem? I work here and all spaces are empty.)
"Yes, why?"
"Is this some joke?" She shouts, "I was supposed to meet you here 90 Minutes ago!"
"What? Who are you?" (Oh god, no. Is she somehow my quest?)
"We were supposed to fight?", Shae says less convinced. (Okay, this was more question than anything. What is her deal?)
"What? Fight? Why? And how?", your shouting calms down and turns into a normal conversation. "I don't know." She admits. "I was summoned by some Egyptian gods, who told me, I was their champion and I had to fight you here now. Or 90 minutes ago."
"Okay, I was summoned by Greek gods, told, I was their champion and given NO further advice whatsoever and then thrown into my apartment from where I had to ride the subway back."
She laughs. She laughs straight in your face. And then you laugh too. The whole situation is so unreal and everything she said is so stupid, but you just know it's true and you both just can't stop laughing.
Your stomach disturbs the laughing as he loudly exclaims his emptiness.
"And they didn't even give me a bite to eat." You laugh again.
"Wanna grab something to eat?", you ask "I am no match for you with an empty stomach. And there is an all-you-can-eat place here that only does diner now and it was my favorite, when they still did lunch so...?"
She looks a little overwhelmed. "To be honest, I don't know, if that is a test, if YOU are my test and I have to resist your... whatever, but frankly I don't care. My price is being immortalized as cat among bastets followers. Also you had me at 'all-you-can-eat'."
"Follow me, they do sushi and Thai."
"Oh god, yes!"
This would be much better without 40% of the words.
This is a good one lol. Come on writers of Lemmy!