Changing my opinion on masking

I had been masking all my life until recently. Now I tend to unmask, even in situations where people don't tolerate my real self. Like in my recent job interviews. I learned it's better to be weak m unfitting in the eyes of others, than bending myself. If they cannot handle me, they shall go away - I'm not dependent do them.

Masking, in theory I can do it. I’m just so exhausted mentally and physically these days. If I’m in a position where I feel I need to mask, I usually instead withdraw.

I have my own opinion on masking. I don't feel like I hide my true self and I feel the term 'masking' isn't always the right one, although it might depend on the individual and the situation. The way I see it, it's all a question of communication, or language; we have our own concept of social communication, one that is not always the same as most people. It gets hard to understand those different than us and also difficult for them to understand us. We can't expect everyone to understand us, and most people don't, or won't. So we change the way we communicate, use another form of language. It's not always easy and we might sometimes miss the mark, but we are autistic, after all. We can't understand what we aren't all the time, it's just normal. With most people I know, we often find some kind of unspoken middle ground, so to speak, communication-wise. They know me and I know them, we kinda found ways to make it easier for us to understand each other. YMMV, it's not the same for everyone and I know that; some of us find it harder still to understand non-autistic people and communicate with them, and have a hard time being understood by them. Some of us feel the need to hide and 'fake' our way through many social situations. In the end, it's all about how comfortable we are with acting natural. For me, I find it simpler to adapt the way I communicate than expecting people to understand me. There's more of 'them' than there are of us, in the end we have much more opportunities to study their 'language' and adapt to it, than the opposite. To me, it's the same as traveling to another country without speaking the local language. You can get by, if you're lucky, but it will be much harder than if you learn the language. There are some words that will give you a harder time, and you'll fall back to your native tongue, but they can't blame you for making an effort.

Again, YMMV, as everyone has different experiences; it's just the way I see things.

I completely understand the nuanced perspectives on masking. It's deeply personal, especially seeing someone close to me navigate the challenge of blending in without standing out.

From my observations, the choice to mask should be personal, based on what makes one feel safe and true to themselves. My boyfriend, who is autistic, has taught me that there are many layers to this. He chooses his moments to mask, primarily to smooth over social interactions, which makes perfect sense.

For him, and likely for many others, the decision of when and where to lower the mask is crucial—it's about finding those spaces where one feels secure and free from judgment. In our private moments, he feels comfortable enough to be his authentic self, and that’s when I truly see him, no masks needed.

Creating spaces that are supportive and understanding, and respecting individual comfort levels is key. Embracing these personal needs can make a significant difference. It's all about ensuring everyone can feel genuine in their own skin, free from external pressures to conform.

I'm learning to be more accepting too, especially as I witness daily how complex and individual the decision to mask or not can be. Continuing to explore and question is essential for growth and understanding. Cheers!

My special interests are very special to me (ugh, what a terrible pun. Defo not intended!) and I reserve sharing them for people I trust. That alone is a reason for me to mask.

It's actually harder for me not to mask than it is to mask a lot of the time, even though my mask is far from perfect. But I'm "out" at work and it's fine if people realize I'm masking.

I think for me donning the mask is like donning armor to protect things I care about from a majorly uncaring world, and if I unmask around you it's a sign of trust.

Some things I mask, some not. Usually I don't like a lie. I think that my inappropriate behaviors is usually seen like sweet or manlike or pleasant. Eventually 1 in the year someone is bite by a my meltdown.

I mask if there’s a risk I might be spreading an infectious virus to at-risk/immunocompromised people. I mask if a viral wave is projected, to help flatten the curve. And I mask (different masks) when woodworking, in heavy pollen, and when working with toxic gases.

Strapping a mask around your neck and pulling it up over your mouth from time to time is not masking. Better to not wear one at all, as it’s doing more harm than good when worn improperly.