12mo ago

Struggling to set life into motion

I either have an exciting plan,
or when that fails, no plan (I resign).
Since the exciting plans usually fail, I end up living on autopilot.

I really struggle making things in life move. There's too many simultaneous Big Tasks* whose logistics I need to keep track of that I can’t hold them all in my head at once (I can only focus on one Big Task at once). Especially when most tasks are timelines where you need to wait for responses, compose emails, search for things (there might be none – what then?) etc. and where you need to think about the order of the tasks in the timeline so that you save time. Not to forget remembering to notice if people haven’t replied to your e-mail and having to either remind them or come up with a Plan B (this usually leaves you stumped because you now can't get the thing you started the whole journey for). There's so many steps to keep track of and you can't even write them down because the amount of steps keeps changing.

*Finding the next place to rent, booking a dentist for my hurting tooth, planning journeys (what is the Plan B if the journey is too expensive?)

The cluelessness and dread of having to come up with a Plan B is why I hate searching for things. Having to come up with a Plan B is so disorienting. And it's the opposite of stimulating: you've put in a ton of effort and gotten nowhere. How do you all deal with it?

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My “solution” personally is probably terrible -
Have so many plans on the go, you don’t ever get to the point of completing or failing!
Also this random tweet from years ago. I am totally on the “improvise everything” side
- You guys got good at one of the two?
  
  Improvise isn't my middle name any more - it's become my first name
- Improvisers unite ✊
  I have accepted I can plan about 20% and the rest will have to be solved on the fly. The world is confusing. There are too many things happening at once for anyone (definitely at least for myself!) to keep track of everything. My goal when planning is not to set out exactly what I'm going to do, but rather to reduce uncertainty and gather information to improvise effectively if needed.
  
  How do you deal with unexpected Plan Bs? Like say, your traveling and looking for a place to stay but there are none, or you need some extra money but you can't find any suitable jobs? It might not be an ADHD problem but these things always really stump me.
  !Is the answer to constantly lower my expectations/requirements?!<
  
  My goal when planning is not to set out exactly what I’m going to do, but rather to reduce uncertainty and gather information to improvise effectively if needed.
  Missed this bit. This is good
- I usually just improvise and wing it. It stresses my husband out I think. He likes to plan. 😆
- What if you’re both?
  I’m really good at making the plans. I just suck at following through on them.
- Ugh. Definitely the second one 🥲 how do I learn to become the former?
  
  I get the feeling that most of the former people are faking and doing a lot of masking.
  I live a life of impulse. Improvisation is the way I do everything.
  My work hates me for it, but they have a hard time complaining with my results.
I feel you. What helps me, is to organize before starting (as much as I dread organizing). Write down what needs to be done when, and make sure you have at least a reminder to kickstart plan B scheduled.
I extensively use to-do lists (love the Todoist app) and will put in tasks like (for a home improvement example)
mail at least 5 companies asking to do X (tomorrow)
in 2 weeks: make sure you have followed up with 1 of them, else read 2 tutorials and get tools to do X myself
For the boring (but non-waiting) tasks like making the schedule, reading or just doing boring stuff at work, I like to use pomodoro: Set a timer, try to do focused work for 25 minutes. When the timer goes off, you HAVE TO take a break and enjoy yourself for 5 minutes (set a timer again), whether you got any work done or not. Repeat. There's apps and sites that help make this smooth.
Usually the first pomodoro is wasted but in the second or third, I get so much work done, and feel better because of the mandatory breaks, that it is usually worth it
- Also agreed the pomodoro technique has really helped me Get Things Done.
- How do you deal with unexpected Plan Bs? Like say, your traveling and looking for a place to stay but there are none, or you need some extra money but you can't find any suitable jobs? Or if nobody replies to your emails?
  !...I guess what's really happening is my brain facing the reality of what it thinks should be possible vs. what is actually possible...!<
  
  As much as is reasonable, try to expect them. Put a task in 2 weeks describing what to do if there have been no replies yet. Expand your range of options. Search farther, find a different kind of handiman companies to mail, find someone who can give feedback on your resume, or if necessary, consider different kinds of jobs.
  I would not be a part of this community if this mind of planning always went well in my life. But in general, planning these kinds of things in advance so I don't have to:
  notice them in the moment
  make the plan in the moment
  Helps me. Do the work now so you can simply follow reminders and instructions for plan B.
Try using external tools. Tracking can be done with a physical Kanban board.
- Bruh. Nothing called a "board" can contain all the steps to even one of my plans.
  And I've got a lot of plans. Hundreds of "I just need x to get to the next step of y plan" pass through my mind daily.
  I have no money, so I have no reasonable way to obtain x, so y is at a standstill.... For now. Rinse and repeat with everything, and you'll have a good idea of the chaos I live with.
  
  Yeah I have this problem too. There's so many
  “I just need x to get to the next step of y plan”
  weighing my head down but writing them all out and updating them would be such an arduous and impractical task. Let alone dragging around (ie. losing) a physical planner. I don't knw what to do. I wonder how people without ADHD deal with this. I've been thinking that it would really help me to be able to study how a youtuber like Tom Scott (who travels to a new place for each of his videos) keeps track of all his planning. Because the logistics of filming his videos are essentially the same tasks that we struggle with but a much bigger volume.
I simply stopped worrying and being fine with any result.
Didn't find the next place to rent? Guess I'll have to keep living right here.
Didn't book an appointment for my hurting tooth? Guess I'll have to go to the ER once it's unbearable.
Don't have a plan B for the journey? Guess there's just simply no journey if the first plan fails.
Nothing in my life moves? Guess everything will stay still.
Living on autopilot? Guess that's how I live.
And I'm actually absolutely fine with these results.
- This is the way.
  Apathy. All the way down.
  
  I think there is a difference between apathy and being fine with the results. I'm still sad if things go wrong, or happy when they go right. I still want things to go a certain way. I'm not indifferent.
  I just know that nothing will ever be perfect, so I don't need to stress about if it isn't.

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