16h ago

Living my dream

104 comments

-Listens to what he means when he is speaking -Pays attention to his nonverbal cues about his emotional state -Respects his boundaries and only assists him in expanding them, not demanding he do so -Rewards him for engaging in new healthy behaviours that he finds uncomfortable
Fellas, is it being an asshole for checks notes engaging with your partner?
- Yeah, this person isn't disrespectfully treating a human as they would a dog, they're just respectfully treating dogs as they would a human.
  
  We can't get a dog's consent to engage in experiments. Continuing with this method after realizing and not talking with him about it would be intentionally ignoring consent.
  
  It's not an experiment to react to someone's fear and trauma with kindness, even if you learned those skills through helping rehabilitate dogs. She's not doing this to try to figure out how he reacts to the stimulus of M&Ms under certain conditions, she's giving him candy when he's stressed because she knows it helps him calm down. That's just being a caring and attentive girlfriend.
  
  Being caring also involves including their consent in the process. Idk, I'd be really upset by my partner knowingly doing this without talking to me about it. But then again I guess it could depend how they react if I found out before they just admit to it. Like if they got defensive and didn't understand why I'm upset. I'm not saying the whole thing is horrible, just hiding it.
  Also depends on the person and their values, I guess. If you value someone doing that kind of emotional labor for you without you having to think about it. I'm very much used to doing the emotional labor in relationships.
  Damn. I just realized maybe I'm displacing here though cuz I'm a bit jealous they’re using a method that works, whereas I'm single for a plethora of reasons.
- I think the concern would be generating a Pavlovian response to her presence instead of genuine desire to be with her, but I don't even know what that really means because our animal brains aren't rational. There isn't a such thing as "genuine" in this context because it's all based on emotions. Should you not have sex with your partner because it can make them feel attached, for example?
  
  Sure, positive associations can be fabricated but it's not as simple as the pavlovian response observed in dogs.
  
  I don't think they're all that different tbh

104 comments