2w ago

Can you tell me honestly why you thought it was okay to encourage (or at least not discourage) me to post like that?

Not /j, /srs.

I was looking back over my posts, and that was my honest reaction. It's not very nice to keep autistic children around as your goofy lolcow, you know. Friends don't let friends post cringe. In your own words, I want to know why you thought it was fine to act like the kind of fuckin internet posting I do was fine, and that I should continue to do so, more, worse. Does that really seem like a good idea to you? Go look at those comments and say it to my face, fucker.

If you didn't, you are obligated to share with the class why you didn't offer even an ounce of dissent about it. There's a point past which politeness becomes condescending, and many months ago you could have saved everyone a ton of trouble, if you'd just said "this is terrible" or maybe even "lol cringe" at some point. It would have been mean, but it would have been less mean than sitting back and alllowing the high volumes of horror and embarrassment that ensued to happen. I mean, really.

If you disagree, I'd like to invite you to consider that you're wrong, and whoever gave me the ability to think and transcribe those thoughts with a keyboard has a lot to answer for. I looked at the megathreads today, and seeing people even partially attribute the 2500+ comment threads to my repulsive disaster posting is awful. There are people who actually post things of value in those threads.

101 comments

sorry nerd, i love your posting and presence and i'm glad to see you back. pistols at dawn if you want to fight about it
- Why, but also a duel I will surely lose
  
  lots of reasons, but if i had to be brief...
  i really enjoy your passionposting! it gives me an immense amount of joy to see other people enthusing about the things they love. i like how engaged and active you are in the community, i like your dedication to deworming people's brains, and i really appreciate how in-depth your knowledge of your chosen topics is. on a more personal note one of your posts about asexuality expressed something my partner couldn't for the life of her put into words, so even without all the rest of it i'd always be positively inclined towards you for that reason.
  i think you are an overall boon to this community, and i'm very clearly not alone. every time you leave there are plenty of comments wishing you well and hoping for your eventual return.
  basically i like you and there's nothing you can do about it. now draw!
  
  really enjoy your passionposting!
  Another connoisseur of the infodump
  love to see it. I am not that knowledgeable about all of my SIs because at least one of them I invented as a bit, but y'know. Thanks...
  i like your dedication to deworming people's brains
  Okay no absolutely fucking not
  one of the easiest "cringe" things to point out is how badly I have failed at conveying any of the bootleg gender enlightenment I've obtained to most people. Plus, I really don't want to be romping around lecturing people about the bugs in their grey matter, it must be pretty galling to post a sad vent in the mega, and have some fucking total dipshit slide into replies like "
  uhm did you know that gender is made up by a guy" or whatever. There have been fights over this subject, and I truly do not want to be annoying people over it. I lack the people-skills to try to convey it in a way that's useful, so it is better not to try to engage people deemed "brainwormed" on the topic usually, I think. I would want to be a lot more empathetic and understanding, because I've been there too, but I am really bad at it and make enemies that way. Ugly...
  one of your posts about asexuality expressed something my partner couldn't for the life of her put into words,
  OKAY this is based, probably a top 5 of my time on bearsite. Since I am too useless to go outside, I pretty much only hope that I can help people at all in any way with my idiot blabbering. This pleases me greatly
  
  It is actually fucked up that people speak of me so often when I leave, I put my username into the search bar once and horror burst forth. My honest reaction is: me? Why not Cromalin or Yor or literally anyody else? No, the yapper?
  
  Also oof ouch I lost, too slow
  
  at least one of them I invented as a bit
  the beauty of being
  is that it could be all of them and i wouldn't know!
  Okay no absolutely fucking not
  strong words for someone who is losing this duel. but seriously i think you're very hard on yourself; from my perspective i'd say you have good people skills and a terrible self-image. but i've seen enough of your interactions with people of brainworms to know that you have useful insights and convey them well. you can't always judge the success of interactions like that based on the immediate outcome. you wouldn't sow a seed and then call it a failure when it didn't immediately turn into a tree.
  probably a top 5 of my time on bearsite
  you'll honestly never know how much i appreciate you just for that one post alone. it was like a cipher key for understanding my partner's feelings. genuinely cannot overstate how big of a deal it was!
  Why not Cromalin
  funny you should bring her up, i was going to make the explicit comparison earlier actually. i think about her fairly often. she's another one whose obvious love for something was infectious and a joy to see. i hope she's well. and i hope you are too, silly.
  
  it could be all of them and i wouldn't know!
  My entire being was made up
  
  from my perspective i'd say you have good people skills and a terrible self-image.
  This is true, it's hard to reliably perceive anything so who fuckin knows, right?
  I cannot judge the success of any interaction ever! Maybe thinking about it in terms of how it went is too goal-oriented again, talking to people is not slot machines after all. But any amount of ambiguity is the mind killer due to anxiety(and also autism), and will result in me awake at 4am turning conversations over in my head wondering how badly it went. Many rooms in my mindpalace are taken up by screaming about old exchanges. My nightmares, haunted by rejection sensitivity!
  Even if I could keep going like that forever, (rawdogging that shit is soooo much fun) it would bite me in the ass eventually when someone I've upset without realising finally loses their shit at me.
  you'll honestly never know how much i appreciate you just for that one post alone.
  
  i think about her fairly often. she's another one whose obvious love for something was infectious and a joy to see. i hope she's well. and i hope you are too, silly.
  Never have I respected a weeb as much as cromalin... I hope she is well too. I'm not, but that's just how it happens Idk.
  
  yeah that's right i'm picking this back up days later, i've got that gold-tier subscription to social anxiety
  (also you don't have to reply ofc, i just felt bad leaving you on read!)
  My entire being was made up
  fuck i'm shadowboxing ghosts!
  I cannot judge the success of any interaction ever!
  i honestly think this is very normal. like you said it's hard to perceive anything reliably, doubly so when you're inside the thing you're trying to get a view of.
  Maybe thinking about it in terms of how it went is too goal-oriented again
  eh i think the main issue is that you can only get your view of how it went and only in that one moment. you never know when your words are running through someone's mind totally unbidden. imo it's fine to approach an interaction with a goal in mind, i just think it veers into harmful thinking territory if you feel like you've failed when you don't reach the goal in that interaction, you know?
  Many rooms in my mindpalace are taken up by screaming about old exchanges
  i hate that i feel this but god do i ever. the only thing i've found that really helps with the social anxiety is dealing with my partner's social anxiety, which is significantly worse. talking her into accepting that a given situation went fine (and that if it hadn't, there'd be some kind of blatant sign rather than one she had to go hunting for) has sort of forced my brain into the same kind of thought patterns when i start to suffer from "did i have a bad interaction" syndrome. it's...still not great, but it's definitely made an improvement.
  I hope she is well too. I'm not, but that's just how it happens Idk.
  In This House we adore that girl, wherever she is. and yeah, i've seen some of your subsequent posts. :< i'm sorry things are so rough in your life. i truly hope they improve soon.
  also sorry if this was annoying or came off as preachy, i'm coming off the heels of a bad interaction (ironically? probably not) so i'm a little scatter-brained lol
  
  i'm picking this back up days later, i've got that gold-tier subscription to social anxiety ([...] i just felt bad leaving you on read!)
  Especially on the goofy forum, dw about it. I try not to "YOU LEFT ME ON READ" people, chats gotta end and on bearsite they're like, emphemeral Idk. People just move on, y'know.
  like you said it's hard to perceive anything reliably, doubly so when you're inside the thing you're trying to get a view of.
  I gotta get out of the thing
  I wish I coild just be at peace with not perceiving anything. Alas...
  you can only get your view of how it went and only in that one moment. you never know when your words are running through someone's mind totally unbidden.
  Can you imagine the things I say living rent-free in anybody's head? Literally who??? Not possible lmao. Mostly when I go to yap, I have more of a specific idea in mind to yap about, like some idle thought about a gender thing bites at my mind for a week and then I yap. Yappist...
  talking her into accepting that a given situation went fine (and that if it hadn't, there'd be some kind of blatant sign rather than one she had to go hunting for) has sort of forced my brain into the same kind of thought patterns when i start to suffer from "did i have a bad interaction" syndrome.
  Should I... give my better half hardcore anxiety so I can fix mine?
  I mean I'm glad it works but waow.
  I wish I could just medicate this shit but sertraline, gabapentin, wellbutrin, tons of stuff that either didn't work or had side effects as ugly as what they were treating. Idk what I'll do longterm.
  In This House we adore that girl, wherever she is. and yeah, i've seen some of your subsequent posts. :< i'm sorry things are so rough in your life.
  Hey some good things happened today so there's that =) as far as being scatter brained again don't worry about it, you're fine. I was like Rad, another message!

101 comments