I wouldn't suggest editing it. You are totally unfamiliar with the source material. It just doesn't work. The character, who I am guessing you do not know the name of, is an android. He doesn't shit. He also doesn't have emotions, so he wouldn't shit himself with fear.
Don't worry about what anyone here tries gate keep you so long as you act in good faith. That person went 20 rounds with me when I dared state my opinion on something.
Then why do you think Data can shit himself in fear, let alone shit at all, think Picard is a commander, not a captain, have him call himself on comms and call his ready room a cabinet?
More good faith than you’re putting forward. English obviously is not this persons first language. But sure, go on bullying them if it makes you feel better.
I need to ask you - did you yourself watch Star Trek? How the principles of these series apply to your stupid nitpicking? I asked you what I can or should change, and you answered that I need to watch Trek. Is that in a spirit of what Picard or Cisco may suggest? I doubt so. I can't doubt you know the series on a wikipedia (or memory alpha) level, but you didn't learn from them at all. Is that correct?
In spite of you not being helpful, I think I edited out most errors. Two points still stand.
Ben's surname Sisko is pronounced as Cisko in slavic translations because otherwise it sounds like a name for tits. That's on me. Yet, I don't think replacing one letter hurts the overall meaning of the message you didn't even address.
Are you sure Data shat himself in my meme and not Jean-Luc?