AskBeehaw

It's night and it's dark, so no lights which means no books. No wifi or PC. Gotta save phone battery so no phone. Also it's so damn hot I think I'm gonna melt.

Here in WA state, the minimum wage per hour is $15.74 (higher in some areas). Tipping culture says 20%, but that's generally to support lower paid waitstaff in areas that can pay less than minimum wage by employers. Where/What are you tipping and what kind of service would you expect for a 20% tip?

Halloween is easily one of my favorite holidays and the costuming is no small aspect of that to me.

I know for some, costuming is a lot of fun and so a costume is chosen very carefully, and for others costuming is an obligation and not much thought is put into it. But even if you don't care much about the costume, sometimes a lot of thought is still put into make the costume as convenient as possible.

So I would like to ask what you are going as for Halloween this year, and your reasons for it

Basically the title. I've been thinking of checking out Mastodon, and I'd like to get opinions on which instances are great. I'm mostly just looking for something like Beehaw. That is to say, a chill and friendly place that's at least decently active.

Thanks. As a bribe for your participation, please enjoy this close-up photo of a deer that walked past the window at work today. NVM, the picture won't upload. Please imagine a cute deer in your mind instead.

I'm thinking about running my own pubnix/tilde. It would be invite-only and have a bunch of cool things:

• git hosting with cgit or sourcehut
• gemini hosting
• web hosting
• gopher hosting
• FTP access
• about 2GB of storage
• matrix accounts + chat portal (Hydrogen seems cool)
• internal message board/email?
• maybe a CardDAV server?

I think it would be a very cool opportunity to learn a bit about Linux and the internet. However, I literally have no clue how to set this up. I found this comment on Reddit:

> It happens that you're trying to build a tilde/pubnix? From my experience, tilde admins often give direct access to the system, but with proper permission elevation. Create a user group with limited permission (i.e. no sudo, disable specific softwares) and add their usernames to, give them a space in /home. Secondly, disable SSH password, ask them to send you their public keys and only authenticate via public key. Finally, write a good/strict policy but also send welcoming message. Also, you can look for further security practices, like changing default port, etc. but the key thing is proper user permission.

That's what I want. I was thinking about allowing password logins tho. I already have a VPS, which I want to reinstall to turn into this thing.

I basically want to configure the services in a way, that they all depend on Unix accounts. That way I can create a Unix account with suitable permissions for every member, and shit should Just Work™.

So, I was thinking:

• Exposing all git repos in ~/git/ at the URL http(s)://git.example.com/~user/ (using cgit) and gemini://git.example.com/~user/ (using git.gmi)
• Exposing ~/pub/gem/ at gemini://example.com/~user/
• Exposing ~/pub/web/ at http(s)://example.com/~user/
• Exposing ~/pub/goph/ at gopher://example.com/~user/
• Creating @user:example.com matrix account with the same password as Unix. Changing the Unix password will also change the matrix password and changing the password from a matrix client should not be allowed.
• Hosting Hydrogen (matrix client) at https://chat.example.com
• Maybe host a CardDAV server with an account for every member, similar to what I want for matrix?
• Maybe a Lemmy instance (with mlmym as frontend), same thing with accounts.

Any pointers on how to setup something like this? How would I handle backups? (I know I can just backup all files in every member's home directory, but how would I handle something more complicated, like the matrix accounts?) How would I make something like this secure?

it's been happening for two-ish months now and idk how to figure out if it's a me problem or a beehaw problem

Please answer the why part. Why should I watch your favorite movie?

I’ve used both Apple Music and Spotify in recent years and while their discovery is okay, it always plays it safe. As if they’ve made a genre that is just for me and won’t play anything outside of that. How do I expand my music horizons?

The best simple black business socks that don’t show the first gaps and then holes after a few weeks are…? Help me out here, please. I’m still desperate. Everything I buy is rubbish.

Hi Beeple!

A few family members moved to Finland (Helsinki region). I'm in the United States, but wanted to send birthday presents to them. Ideally without the expense, delay, and potential for shipping damage that comes with getting something near me and shipping it across the world.

Does anyone have any experience or suggestions for ordering gifts from within Finland or the surrounding region from the US? Is ordering from, say, Sweden akin to ordering between states (ie, no special considerations or hassles), or would it be best to only look within Finland itself?

I would prefer something akin to Etsy where I could find something handmade and/or novel. That seems more likely to encounter a language/payment barrier, though, and I'm not even sure where to start looking for something like that.

Thanks in advance for any help!

Hi,

I want to cut my own hair and get an affordable but decent scissors to do it. I'm wondering if I can get something that I could use for both my head hair and my beard? And if so, what would you recommend?

PS is there a better place to post this? Haha

Not the bad porn script you were expecting, I swear. 🙃

So here's one for fans of grey areas.

SO has brought two daughters and a son into our relationship. They're all young adults now. We generally get along well and I'm a trusted third party and, according to the then-minor younger daughter, a good source for pregnancy tests and the such "because you're the least likely to freak out".

We're generally a very open and judgement-free family, and I'm immensely proud of the fact that the kids feel comfortable talking freely about love and sex with both of us despite their 'traditional' catholic indoctrination upbringing. We've established that we can talk about anything but won't go into detail about their or my personal preferences. This works very well and there's a lot of trust. Whenever their mother's not around, the kids talk to me about whatever's on their mind (anything really, not just love/sex stuff).

There's one thing that makes me slightly uncomfortable though, and I'm not sure if I'm the one who's at fault here. It’s the older daughter’s choice of clothing at home. Especially in summer and near the pool, she often walks around in a t-shirt or scant bikini top and panties whose front just about covers the crack and whose back leaves nothing to the imagination.

I'm very happy that she's both happy enough with her body and feels comfortable enough around me to walk around this way. Especially the former has been a bit of work on her mother's part.

Now my own background is that I come from a very uptight family myself (sex is an evil and shameful thing that the wife endures because she owes it to her husband) but am very open now (swinger clubs, former co-host for BDSM meetings etc.). I also have a minor degree in both communication and sex therapy.\ Still you never entirely shake off an upbringing based entirely on shame and guilt, and occasionally there’s a situation that instinctively makes me uncomfortable, but upon closer inspection I conclude that it really shouldn’t.

I’m currently trying to figure out whether this is one of those false-alarm situations, and it really bothers me.\ On the one hand, "you don’t wear that kind of outfit in front of men you’re not biologically related to."\ On the other hand, why not? She should be able to wear whatever she’s comfortable with in the privacy of our home. And you can't make a request such as "dress more modestly" without it smelling of misogyny.\ On the other other hand, it would definitely be inappropriate for her to walk around entirely in the nude, so there's got to be a line somewhere.

(Let me add that she’s never even remotely tried anything, and I really don’t think of her in 'that' way, so that’s not the issue.)

TL;DR: Adult stepdaughter sometimes wears revealing clothes, makes me uncomfortable, not sure if it’s supposed to. Nothing fishy going on.

EDIT: Wow, so much food for thought. I don't think I'm going to be able to reply to everyone individually, but I've come to realize that what makes me uncomfortable is probably the idea that she or other people around us might feel uncomfortable, and in the classic stepfather-stepdaughter constellation I could be seen as a potential 'perpetrator', which I'd need to protect myself against. So it's really just mostly me worrying about what other people might think (but probably don't).\ But the point is, if she's comfortable there's really nothing tangible for me to worry about.

Hi all! I'm a big fan of comfortable shoes and I've been wearing eccos for years now. However I've recently come to realise that they cannot be repaired (something to do with the material there made from).

I'm on the hunt for a new pair of sneakers that are equally comfortable and also repairable.

For context, I spend a lot of time outdoors in a cool temperate climate so the shoes must be waterproof (i.e. leather or equivalent) as well as able to withstand hours of being walked in. I'm also in an urban environment so style is a consideration. I'm not looking for anything with bright colours or fancy designs, but moreso something simple and versatile that I can wear to work, on my bike and to the pub.

If anyone has any suggestions I'm all ears! I've recently been looking at some ON trail running shoes but I've been reading mixed things about their ability to withstand heavy use. Plus I've no idea how they compare to ecco in terms of how comfy they are so if anyone has any experience with both I'd love to hear it.

Thanks in advance!

I was talking to my friend how much I've been craving lobster 2 days ago. They now have lobster at my grocery store - they haven't had lobster in years. Last winter I was talking about how much I like goose over Turkey for Christmas dinner and suddenly they had frozen goose and they literally never had goose before.

Am I being targeted or am I paying more attention or am I just being paranoid?

If the bots are listening, bring back lamb. I'll buy lamb chops.

Someone linked a site once (on Reddit) and I didn't bookmark either the post or the site :( but it was great - you used a sliding scale if I remember correctly for how much sun, wind, rain, snow, etc. close to ocean, mountains, etc. and it grayed out states and areas within a state to show you the remaining cities/areas that meet your requirements. Does this sound familiar to anyone? TIA!

Only ever had experiences with Reddit, Lemmy and very little bit of Discourse.

My city used to have a great costume & theater supply shop, but it went under several years back. I’m trying to work out ideas for a Halloween costume, but I’m struggling to think of a good e-comm site for such things (better quality than your Spirit Halloween type places.)

I’ve already been surfing etsy, amazon, etc, but I’m hoping to find a niche vendor. Googling for costume sites brings up a ton of stuff, and I’m hoping to cut through the cheap party shop type places. Any recommendations are appreciated!

I'm new to Lemmy.

I found this group

https://lemmy.world/c/veganhomecooks

I haven't found a way to subscribe to it while in Beehaw

Thanks for any help.

I just realized the darkly theme i was using doesn't make hyperlinks a different color, and that was too confusing. Also I'm just curious what the split is!

I feel like you can find everything online except for good mental health support. Any community always ends up attracting downvotes and trolls, and the conventional resources such as the suicide hotline chat are only meant to keep you talking and don't help discuss chronic problems. (They can even backfire if you say the wrong thing, though I'd still encourage you to call the number if you're actually in imminent crisis.)

I know some people will reply to find a real-life therapist, but depending on where you live, one might not have access to this luxury. We have a mental health non-profit in my town, and I've seen two different therapists. The first went on a racist tirade about MLK Day, unprovoked. The second worked for the court system and constantly talked about how bad and addictive marijuana is, and how she reports people who use it to their probation officers, which made me feel uncomfortable to talk openly and honestly about my life.

I've been to the regular doctor, but last time I went they offered to prescribe benzos, which with my actual history of addiction to alcohol and opioids, terrified me. I've been on and off different SSRIs, but it's always like they're throwing darts at a dartboard, and I've actually had them trigger suicidal thoughts before.

There's got to be something online, right? There are decent and helpful communities for everything else, so why not mental health?

And I've tried searching, but everything seems so sketchy -- services behind paywalls -- or they're targeted toward just teens, etc. Why aren't there just open forums where people can help each other? Is it because of the liability of something going wrong?

In short I've been suspecting for a while that I have ADHD but I don't know how to go about figuring that out. I don't want to come across as one of those weird people obsessed with being diagnosed with disorders but I also don't want to be passive about this, so I'd like to at least get tested by a professional when it comes to this kind of thing.

How were you tested for these kinds of things, especially people who were only diagnosed as an adult? Is it something you bring up to your primary physician?

Hey there,

I'm a refugee from Squabbles/Squablr.co.

I didn't care for the recent changes to the TOS nor the "free speech site" dog whistle announcement.

I really liked the lack of downvoting there, so someone suggested Beehaw.

I've been slow to give Lemmy a try. I read that the founder developer and current owner of Lemmy.ML is a "tankie" - a European communist extremist.

Is it possible with my Beehaw account to filter lemmy.ml out and is it something I want to do?

I'm not familiar with subject driven fediverse social media yet.

Happy weekend to all

It seems every month I am discovering a new food allergy attacking my gut biome. I am getting nervous that my next step is going to be to axe the gluten.

I am already lactose-intolerant. Most acidic things as well (i.e. tomatoes, pineapple, onion family including garlic). The latest is animal fat, no more lamb, oxtail, ribs, or ribeye steaks.

I'm fairly diverse and I'd call myself an accomplished home cook. I typically eat pretty well rounded I would say. No breakfast, or maybe a swig of kefir. Sandwiches for lunch everyday. Not big on sweets. No soda, lots of water. Dinner of meat and rice, with a side of sauteed veg is a typical easy night. I'll make my own pasta, stews and soups are fairly regular too. Try to eat one vegetarian dinner a week.

Is there any hope to have anything good left if I was forced to cut out gluten as well? Or am i doomed to blandness?

Does anyone have any foody websites they visit with such dietary restrictions? It seems i can't find anything quite niche enough that doesn't go full vegan (I understand I have to substitute some things myself in any recipes. But when 80%< is substituted I don't think that counts as following the recipe)

Or is there any cuisine in particular that seems to be easier to make gluten free?

Just looking for help in general here, any advice.

I'm reworking my computer setup, and I'm currently debating with myself over whether I want to pick up a second monitor, or sell my current one and replace it with an ultrawide. I figured I'd seek out anecdotes to see which setup people tend to prefer.

Edit: Thanks y'all for the responses. I see a lot of people doing UWD+1, a few using dual, and very few using none at all. I'm at least going to roll with two monitors, but I'll have to do some measuring to see if I can make an UWD+1 work for my desk.

What's your go-to when feeling especially gluttonous?

I don't really want to reveal my identity online and I've been trying to find how I can do that. It seems like Patreon is the only one that acts as a middleman between you and the donator but it only does monthly subscriptions which I don't really want to have..

I've been really into two lately:

Sinisterhood- stories about all things sinister- true crime, paranormal, etc. Hosted by two ladies, one of which is a lawyer, which really adds to the discussions!

Tooth and Claw- animal attack stories, but with a focus on education instead of sensationalism. I hardly ever go into the wilderness, but if I do run into a bear at any point, I'm going to be SO prepared!!

It's summer holiday time in the northern hemisphere which made me think of this.

What kind of holiday/vacation do you like going on? What do you like doing? Beach, adventure, city break, etc.?

What's the last holiday you went on that you really enjoyed?

Hey folks,

I have been trying to find some new hobbies to keep my anxiety/depression at bay. It seems, however, that my mind is not creative enough to find interesting things to do. So, I come to you to ask: What are your hobbies? Why do you like them?

Here are the things I've tried:

• Going to the gym (This is more of a habit than a hobby nowadays)
• Gaming (I've been getting less and less out of it as I get older)
• Bouldering (It's fun, but not without a group of friends)
• TTRPG (I can't seem to find a steady group or one online, but otherwise, it's very enjoyable)
• Learning a new instrument (I started playing the guitar and I love it)
• Philosophy (Is that a hobby? I enjoy reading and reflecting on it)

So, folks, what are your favorite pastimes?

Thanks :)

Kind of a broad question. I wonder why people take notes - Is it for studies or learning? Is it just to remember things? Is it to make your own map of your knowledge? Is it because you just want a place to vent out your feelings into the void?

What do you use to accomplish that? App? Paper? A chat room?

Time appropriate greetings, folks!

I have finally put an end to my procrastination and finally wrote my first blog post. Thing is, I still have nowhere to publish it. What stack are you all using for your personal pages, folks? I don't really want to spend a whole lot of time tinkering, but I still want some wiggle room to do so in case I change my mind down the line.

Thanks!

I've been wanting to get solar for years but my indecisiveness kept me from pulling the trigger.

I finally bought (not leased) solar panels - I just said "yes" to a flashy sales person.

I over paid for sure, but it's still cheaper monthly than I pay for grid electricity. I guess it's a win but I could have saved a lot of money if I shopped around (I've checked since) and actually did anything more than "think about it".

And if you did what class grade/year would it had happened? What decade (if your comfortable sharing)?

I am wondering how many people actually did this and from what locations/ages/years it would have happened. For my education (American elementary-college years 2000’s-2010’s) I never had to do that. I feel like I had to be common enough that it is referenced in movies and tv shows.

Despite the fact that 90% of what I ate was home cooked, mostly from scratch, meals, I managed to miss out on some basics like courgette (zucchini) and aubergine (eggplant) and BUTTER if you can believe it.

My mother was big on margarine. So when I moved out I continued the tradition until one day I made a fateful mistake. It was like in Ratatouille. I was sat in my studio just eating buttered bread having an out of body experience.