Is this thing on?
When you've never really had a home town, every town's a home
If too much weightlifting is bad then why did god make it so fun
You know you've made it when you wake up at 6AM to your dog licking your face instead of yet another ringtone you can't stand anymore.
TIL my standard coffee is akin to diesel to the average consumer
I like to flip onto my bed, but then my glasses threaten to fly off, but luckily I can also wiggle my ears and pull my glasses far enough back to keep my glasses secured when I flip onto my bed.
I got promoted.
I have slowly turned myself into my own therapist
noodles
It's not that I want to be annoying, it's just that you're too sweet for this horrible world and I feel an insatiable urge to protect you.
If you didn't wear your heart on your sleeve, it wouldn't be stepped on so often.
It's snowing sideways above green grass
It's raining a lot out there,
I use my commute to relieve the stresses of work
Oh to wake up with my arms wrapped around my dog with a view above the clouds
See you tomorrow, love y'all! Bye bye!
Sartre was on the right track, but looking in the wrong direction
If I could be in your arms with your chest against mine, feeling my most prized possession beating against yours.
Find a wife who cuddles as much as a big dog.
The closer your bedroom is to the ground, the worse your life is.
