Waiting for my hair and boobs to grow. It's so slooooow. I don't look (to my eyes) nearly as feminine as I'd like, although clearly I'm starting to be read that way by other people. But what am I not satisfied by? Clothes? Hair / makeup? Face? I'm not sure. I'm bad at everything and don't know how to girl. Eugh, early transition (month 7 of HRT) sucks.
Anybody want some data? I'm on 3 x 0.72mg patches every other day. Two was subjectively not enough to suppress the effects of T. Last blood test was 0.48 ng/mL T; 400 pg/mL E2. Acceptable, but I guess I might want to substitute some prog for estradiol at some point.
It’s been a bit of an anxiety of mine that cis women wouldn’t see me as a woman, but as a kinda creepy guy…
I have the same worry, despite great experiences like yours being accepted. Here's what I tell myself:
Having grown up around men being creepy to and about women, it's natural to be a bit wary. But that's not you. I've met quite a few pre-transition MTF people now, some of whom appeared very masculine, and it's immediately apparent that it's a non-threatening interaction. I guess it's unconscious body language, or something like that. Men being creepy tend to seek attention from women as a man.
Anyway, there's a group of women friends I meet up with from time to time (since well before I hatched) who were the first non-family I came out to. They're so accepting and affirming, I usually end up in happy tears at the end of the evening.
Still (probably irrationally) scared of using the women's bathroom in case I make someone uncomfortable, though.
So after seeing it recommended I've been reading "The Mimosa Confessions" and I agree, it's very sensitively written. Although it suffers a bit from the "and then they passed, flawlessly, and with perfect fashion sense" trope which gave me some serious gender envy.
Over the winter I've mostly been going with a "lesbian tomboy" aesthetic, and it's been making me a bit uncomfortable recently. Inspired by the story I put together all my girliest stuff into an outfit for the weekend and it was great! I don't feel like a man in a dress any more. Still have no idea what I'm doing fashion-wise, but I'm definitely going to push the boundaries a bit more for spring.
Probably about time to get the ball rolling on SRS too, given how long waiting lists and preparation can take.
Oh, and I've been trying out atomoxetine for ADHD. Doesn't seem to be doing much for me yet, but at least it's not tanking my blood pressure like guanfacine. Only a few registered physicians are allowed to prescribe methylphenidate here.
I keep feeling that I should be doing more transition-related stuff, but pointless activity isn't going to make things happen any faster. (Insert "No transition, just girl" meme here) I suppose I should do some real-life things at some point too. Wife isn't using my chosen name yet, but at least she's avoiding using the old one now. There is hope <3
Weight down to 69kg (nice!). Might actually hit my (totally arbitrary) goal after all.
Oh, and I went to see the finale of "sempai is an otokonoko" at the cinema. They were handing out stickers and limited-edition student IDs of the main characters.
Not a doctor, but as far as I know, so long as you're not completely starving yourself, you'll develop both fatty tissue and glandular tissue in the breasts regardless of how chunky (or not) you are elsewhere. But excess fat is also laid down in the breasts, so if you're overweight you'll also have larger breasts.
Anecdotal, but I've been steadily losing weight since just before starting HRT, and no problems here :3
A starvation diet is probably not a good idea, though. Keep eating a good balance of nutrients!
Skinny girls can grow breasts. And it's not as if eating to excess is going to make them grow faster (although higher body fat will make everything bigger).
Ah, that's what I was trying but failing to express.
Given how the population of trans-centered spaces appears to skew heavily towards newly-out and questioning people, it seems likely to me that many people just don't know how to comment helpfully without egging, or realize that they're being harmful.
It reminds me of the "oh you're trans? But you don't look it" comments: yeah, they're essentially transphobic but more likely than not born of ignorance rather than hate.
The end result is the same, though, so I don't want to pretend it's not harmful. And I agree that enforcement is needed.
I think the last part is so important, and why the "Egg Prime Directive!" mantra makes me a bit uncomfortable.
Why?
Because I wish so much somebody had sat me down in my mid teens and said "hey, dumbass, the reason you're so unhappy and wish you were a girl is because you're trans. You should talk to a therapist." I resent losing out on all those years.
How would I have reacted to that hypothetical person? Probably very badly, which is why Egging is a Bad Thing.
But if someone had talked to that kid with kindness, explained about what being trans is without accusation, and lent an ear until I'd worked up the courage to ask for professional help, things might have turned out much better.
I suspect a lot of egging comes from a similar place. So let's try to show people how to be supportive without invalidating others' identities, in preference to beating them with the anti-egging stick. Exactly how to achieve this, I have no idea...
Waiting for my hair and boobs to grow. It's so slooooow. I don't look (to my eyes) nearly as feminine as I'd like, although clearly I'm starting to be read that way by other people. But what am I not satisfied by? Clothes? Hair / makeup? Face? I'm not sure. I'm bad at everything and don't know how to girl. Eugh, early transition (month 7 of HRT) sucks.
Anybody want some data? I'm on 3 x 0.72mg patches every other day. Two was subjectively not enough to suppress the effects of T. Last blood test was 0.48 ng/mL T; 400 pg/mL E2. Acceptable, but I guess I might want to substitute some prog for estradiol at some point.