I just reviewed my vacuum cleaner on Amazon. It sucks hard. 5 stars.

I just got an electric fan. It blows. I love it.

Got some Limburger. Stinks to hell.

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Really? Mine sucks dick. 5/5 would recommend.

Bought some bulbs, it was an enlightening experience.

When I worked returns in retail, we had to write why the product was being returned. My favorite was a vacuum cleaner because "It doesn't suck."