Get a bidet attachment for your toilet. It will change your life.
Lemmy has a serious fiber deficiency. Y'all keep relating to bowel trouble, at first I'd make jokes about it but the actual shitposting keeps coming, now I'm just concerned.
It was back on reddit too. For some reason taking off all your clothes before taking a shit is relatable to a large part of of the interent. It's bizzare.
Also when poop knocks at the door, ANSWER! Don't keep putting it off if at all humanly possible. The longer poop sits in your colon, the drier it gets and the harder it will be to move later.
And the bidet? With the right pressure it can help knock loose those last little nuggies that you weren't able to get enough oomph behind to dislodge.
Y'all built different
Playing asteroids! Pew pew!
If you have pressure wash your anus to blast the shit loose, maybe you've got some other problem.
I used a bidet in Thailand and water blew up my ass so hard that it brushed my teeth.
Absolutely never again.
That's called that flossing, duh. What did you think water picks were?
The same thing happened to me in Spain. It wasn't until I used a friends bidet attachment that I was convinced. It was much easier to control.
efficient . just take a dump for deep cleaning.
And if people can't or don't want to immediately install such an attachment, because they have no way of trying out a bidet, you can also buy a travel bidet online, which basically looks like a bottle, and they're representative of the real thing, albeit not as comfortable, of course.
Took me a few days to figure out how to best sploosh myself with that bottle, but I've preferred it since then, even though I still don't have an attachment.
Or, if you're poor, an alternative is to take a shower. That or a sink as a last resort.
Cold water will shrink your balls 😂
Eat more fiber, do more cardio, and buy a bidet.
Started taking fiber supplements (psyllium husk from Costco). The change was revelatory. Went from trying to clean peanut butter out of carpet to perfectly clean single wipes, every time. REVELATORY.
I take them because of IBS. Life-changer.
But also it could be wheat intolerance... It took me over 30 years to discover it.
The gen Z version of delete wife, hit Facebook, divorce lawyer.
I dunno. Buying more TP seems a lot easier than all that stuff.
It is right up until the hemorrhoids
whats troubling is that this is POV
The cat knows what will be used once the toilet paper roll is empty.
My tired eyes saw "The cat knows what he will be used for" and I just shouted "NO!!" Lmao
I think my cat would have the same face if he was watching me wipe for half an hour straight without giving him attention. But yeah, not a POV.
Their significant other has broke into the bathroom teary-eyed wondering how much longer they have to sit waiting with the movie paused
Fat Pratt was best Pratt.
It's like I'm wiping a marker
I love how Plaza completely breaks, and the cameraperson crops her out of the shot until she (somewhat) recovers.
You're supposed to finish pooping before you wipe.
DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO
Do-Do*
Since switching to bidet, I can eat spicy food again without fear of rectalbution.
Is that a thing? I've been theorizing so, but kind of hard to know when your backend would normally be on fire.
Is it because the bidet just splooshes the spicy poop away? Or are there like miniscule wounds there from all the dry-rubbing? I know, when you've got an irritable bum, doctors will prescribe bidets for that...
Imma answer this sorta seriously:
When you wipe like you're attempting to scrub away a particularly peculiar protruding posterior particulate you are often actually just causing damage to the rather soft and sensitive rectal tissue. This typically results in irritation. This irritation can lead to itching. Itching leads to the need to scratch, which can take the form of wiping.
Thankfully (usually) the body tends to focus a bit more on areas where bacteria frequent. So abrasions or tears in the rectum won't normally cause further complications. However, it is recommended to seek relief from symptoms by obtaining a safe anti-itch cream, being gentler, and generally just coping. I suspect that a bidet is also recommended because it causes less/no trauma to an area already sensitive, especially when healing.
For burning, such as from spicy foods, I'd guess a bidet acts in a similar fashion to running a minor burn under water until the pain subsides. Just don't go shoving any sterile gauze up in there unless you want to be featured on one of the Fire Department Chronicles' shorts.
It's infuriating that it's both people being so dumb they can't understand basic grammar and people doing it because it gets more comments. Both of those things are just so shitty and disappointing.
There is life before the bidet, and then life after the bidet.
You all need to eat more fiber
I started having the above problem last year after drastically increasing my fiber intake. I think I have pelvic floor dysfunction which creates a blockage. Adding more fiber makes the problem worse because you just have more poo moving toward the blockage, but not getting around it. I still eat a ton of fiber but laxatives have helped.
It depends what kind of fiber, bran clogs me up but Metamucil makes it slip out easily, with a sort of slime coating to lube every lump.
Brown brown brown, red.
Pruritus ani, aka "polished anus syndrome".
There's a lot that can cause it, but sanding the skin off with toilet paper is definitely on the list.
My what is on the 368th wipe?
Eat fewer brown sharpies
This.
Eat more vegetables ffs
Try switching to white toilet paper
Grocery bags are just more economical
2 capsules of psyllium fiber with every meal will change this cat's life.
I think this means you're not done pooping.
Time for a shower.
The shit accelerates
Shave your ass
It's like someone stuck a brown crayon up my bum
If it gets past 4 wipes and youre at home, just take a fucking shower. Or, like many of the other comments say, buy a bidet.
you're* :)
Could be worse.
It could come back covered in red.
After 368 wipes it's going to be red.
Splish splash
Some of y'all need to learn the concept of TMI.
Sir, this is a Taco Bell
