How I see myself sometimes when I'm feeling dysphoric

First, I'm happy that you feel comfortable posting about this here in a Star Trek community. Something about that makes me feel "correct" in my love for Trek.

I cannot directly relate to your struggles with dysphoria, but I am trapped in a body that tortures me. For all of my life I have struggled with autoimmune problems that were only diagnosed a few years ago. In that time, I have gone from having a decent job with decent pay to being unemployed and broke. After a couple of years of unemployment, I am working again but not anywhere near the salary level I was previously.

Nothing I could have done would have prevented my health problems - at least not altogether. My body hurts practically always, and I have hormonal issues that can only be addressed to a point.

As I put it, my body has betrayed me and become my walking prison. I had to make some major adjustments just to survive this shit, and I'm still struggling with just feeling healthy. I don't imagine that I will ever be happy with my body for the rest of my life.

So while we don't have the same issues, I think our suffering makes us siblings of sorts. I hope things get better for you! Just take things one day at a time and be sure to watch some Trek!

I’m trans, came out just a couple of months ago.

Congratulations on coming out! I hope it makes you a happier person! I have a friend who I knew as a boy in high school who transitioned in between losing contact with her and getting back in touch and she is so much happier and self-confident now that she is who she was meant to be. She's married, has a couple of kids, a good job, etc.

So I hope you find out the same thing even though there are still bad days (I'm sure she has them too). Being comfortable in your own skin is something I hope for everyone. And Star Trek is nothing if not accepting of people. IDIC.

Fucking same and relatable. Fuckin internalized transphobia.

Gurl, post wherever you want. This is Star Trek related in two ways. First, Quark. Second, Trek is all about hope and working for a better future. That means yourself as well as others. The needs of the many might outweigh the needs of the few but that doesn't mean that the few do not matter.

I say this with every ounce of sincerity that exists within my bones, my friend.

Live long and prosper.

As someone who started transitioning like 10 years ago. I still feel this way once in a while but the more you become the person who you want to be the more and more that voice goes away.

Plus hormones tend to change a LOT of what people look like. Always remember you are awesome and important.

Yeah, I know how you feel as I have those days as well, they are really overwhelming, and sometimes I don't even have the energy to get rid of my fecking beard stubble; I HATE them. And then the next day it looks and feels even worse.

And don't feel obligated to confine yourself to our homezone, you are valid outside as well!

I have these days too. As hard as it can be, the opposite good feeling will always be there to make the better days. Too early (in my case) to say for certain, but I like to imagine those days get even better and more frequent the farther in.

Hairs my weakness too; I’m sure addressing it will help a lot. Best of luck Queen! :)

Unrelated, Rom would have pulled it off perfectly in that episode

Let me be the first to say that, before anything else, you’re welcome here. You’re loved and accepted for who and what you are. Never feel any shame or lack of acceptance. We are all here for you ❤️ And those that aren’t will be dealt with. Swiftly.

Trek is for everyone, and it exemplifies a utopian ideal of what the best of humanity hopes it could eventually evolve to be. It also simultaneously acknowledges the flaws of our past, that being our present, in the struggles we still face in the future, as an allegory to our present. It’s full of social and political commentary, trying to teach us lessons about equity and equality, and how we view those who are different than ourselves, and how to better relate to them as no different than us as people of need, of want, of humanity, and how we can better ourselves, our society, and civilization by moving past judgments and prejudices and bigotry to look outward and towards the betterment of all civilization by moving boldly forward beyond such prejudices and bigotry and leaving judgments behind.

But, of course, that draws a stark contrast to a future ideal and the world of today, where we do not live in that utopia… yet. The work we have to do to get there, and the ideal of acceptance and tolerance are a great effort we have yet to achieve. It does provide all of us comfort that one day things will be better, but still, today, things are so difficult for many of us for those ideals - that utopia - remains so far out of grasp. We all realize that, and that’s why we have this community. Welcome to it.

Edit: and best of luck on your journey of Self discovery. Go boldly forward, and know that we’re all here for you! ❤️🏳️‍🌈🖖🏻

Edit 2: Spelling and grammar

Real talk. Despite how much I love them and honestly wouldn't change it if I could, I have and still struggle sometimes with feeling like I'm less of a woman for having small breasts.

Other women struggle feeling like they don't qualify, aren't good enough, are less than, and whatever for all sorts of reasons! Congratulations OP you are part of our shitty club. Grab a stuffed animal, soft blanket and your favorite snacks. There is a lot to complain about but you have a solidarity you never knew before. If you ever need another girl friend my inbox is open!

And uhhh HELLO you are essentially going through puberty, a major life change, AND doing heavy duty therapy work all at the same time! It is okay to have bad days but even if you can't be nice to yourself, please try to remind yourself it's basically teen angst in ways! Even if you're not on hormones, a lot of the emotions and inner struggles/growth will be similar to puberty.

Ok sorry, I see so many trans women at my job and all I think and feel when I see them is how happy I am that they are finally going to feel at home in their own bodies and living their truth! And I just want to make them feel as supported as possible. I'm not concerned or thinking about if they are passing. Oh but I do so badly want to give them fashion advice sometimes , lucky you got your wife!! Obviously I get carried away with this. Idk fellt cute, might delete later.

Heya, friend. I identified strongly with your inner monologue, if not from the same cause. I'm peri menopausal. I hope it brings you a bit of comfort to hear that many other women are having the same thoughts and feelings.

If I can share what's helped me: I went back to a strategy I learned in my adolescent years... Sometimes confidence breeds confidence. I do my best to practice it until it becomes internalized and "exuded."

As you move through your journey, know some old lady in Baltimore is rooting for you.

Not trans, but remember shit like this is exaggerated for 'comedic' value. Transwomen don't look like this, uncomfortable and squared out masculinity trying to reinforce the visible qualities of a male gender identity in a panic. They look like women trying new styles out.

I know how you feel first hand. DM me if ever need someone to talk to.

I am very glad you feel comfortable posting about this! You are very welcome here, and I will fight to keep that feeling of acceptance here.

I have no doubt you are as beautiful as you seem in our few interactions so far. Keep being awesome!

Hey, at least you don’t have to wear boob curtains.

Congratulations on coming out and in becoming your honest true self for all of us see and appreciate.

I ride a motorcycle and I love being able to be on two wheels, fixing my bike, riding fast and in going out on the road alone for hours. It's a meditative thing because once your in your helmet out there under the hum of your engine and nothing to distract you, you can forget the world for hours and hours.

Anyway, in all the times I've met and talked to many, many motorcycle riders and heard their stories, one of the most inspirational was about Mike Duff .... probably one of the greatest motorcycle racers from Canada who dominated the racing scene in the 1960s ... he was known as one of the greatest. He was a man's man ... a wife, two kids, a dog, he was an engine mechanic and tuner and he rode a bike like a maniac. He's in the Canadian Motorsport Hall of Fame as the only Canadian to ever win a World Championship Motorcycle Grand Prix.

But all his life he felt and he always knew that he was someone else.

Very late in life, in 1984 when he was about 45, he came out as trans and went through reassignment surgery and has been known as Michelle Duff since then. I have a few friends who knew her in the 90s and apparently, she never lost her touch for motorcycle racing and even as an older woman, she was still night time racing with younger guys on the highways of Toronto. She's had her share of troubles but she is happy, strong and free.

One story about her that always struck a cord with me and with every motorcycle rider is that her internal struggles and issues with her identity is what drove her to become that maniacal motorcycle racer when she was younger. She couldn't make sense of the world so riding a two wheeled machine fast enough was what made the world liveable for her. It amazes me when I think about that every time I ride.

Here she is in one of her last appearances as a motorcycle rider

https://youtu.be/MzvaqPLxiR8

She is truly an inspiration even for someone like me .... I hope her story can help you too.

For what it's worth, bear hug over the internet. You know, one of those hugs that is a bit too tight, but somehow that makes it even more comforting.

Also, as someone who isn't trans, but has faced issues, not been accepted because of who I am, and internalised that hatred, allow me to offer you some Star Trek inspired advice for a rainy day:

Revenge is a dish best served cold.

The thirst for revenge, against enemies figurative (internalised transphobia) and literal (fuck you Gary), can help you through. If you keep fighting, focus on the enemy, you will survive to stand above their grave, hopefully in a stellar dress. Hell, make a list of arseholes. See that one who's really old? If you outlive him, you will have defeated them in the battle of life, this will also be an excuse to buy yet another stellar dress. Remember you've got a backlog of dresses you didn't buy to work through.

It's not healthy in the long run, and I'm half joking, but remember that sheer spite can carry you through and you thriving is a fuck you to all those who doubted you and that little voice in your head who says you don't deserve it. Because you do deserve it. Be as kind to yourself as to those you love.

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