Two brothers, aged 3 and 6, are among 4 people wounded by a shooter on a scooter at a crowded New York park, police say by
Two brothers, aged 3 and 6, are among 4 people wounded by a shooter on a scooter at a crowded New York park, police say by

www.cnn.com
Two brothers, aged 3 and 6, are among 4 people wounded by a shooter on a scooter at a crowded New York park, police say | CNN

You knew about elf on a shelf. Now prepare for shooter on a scooter.
I would have also accepted Rooty Tooty Shooty Scooty.
Edit: which is even funnier after I saw the handle of the guy who's giving you shit about your joke.
Not the time, not the place.
Why? This thread is far away from the actual tragedy. Which place would be better, especially since this directly relates to the headline? Talking about the headline anywhere else would be far more out of place.
The time is debatable. But I think it's largely irrelevant as well. Either people can discuss the headline on a semantic layer, then now is as good as next year. Or they can't, and then they would still read about a tragedy, even if it's no longer recent.
Comedy is the only way you can deal with the tragedy sometimes.