There is a term in kendo called hikitate geiko. I won't get too technical, but in essence, it is an attitude employed by a senior who spars with their junior that helps elevate their skills. It is more difficult than it appears, because if you make it too easy for them, they don't improve, but if you make it too hard for someone, they won't learn anything either; and at the same time, you yourself won't benefit from the spar. By practicing good hikitate geiko, you are able to elevate your partner's skills, but at the same time, refine and perfect your own technique.
I find that this attitude is beautiful in every aspect of life, and isn't easy to accomplish; I think this is a huge green flag when someone does that well, regardless of the situation or context.
They are happy to see you!
They handle stress and disappointment well.
They don't externalize their frustrations, and take responsibility for solving their own problems. They act like a functioning adult.
They have interests and hobbies that they are happy to do alone, or share.
Unfair - but they don't have intense money, drug, social pressure in their life, a stable situation is the good grounds for relationships
bonus: If their parents are attractive, then they could be a good partner who ages gracefully with you
Permanently Deleted
- vegan
- soft spoken
- patient
- hands scarred/calloused from work
- creases in face from smiling
- casual manner/attire
- walks around other earthlings on footpaths etc instead of through
- puts their shopping trolley away, bonus if they round up others
- mocks authority
- is kind to children and listens to them seriously
Expresses disagreement with people talking shit about others when they don't have to
People who treat others who cannot benefit them well. For example, wait staff.
No particular order:
- Being a furry/furry sympathetic.
- A science major of any kind. IMO the S needs more love in STEM.
- Ever overhear them say "walkable" in a positive light.
- Hobbies besides media consumption
- Not "too cool" to learn something. Likes learning for fun.
- Not to concerned with looking cool or badass, either. Look at CHUDs, I made a joke the other day that I can sense a decent bit of residual 90's 'tude in modern CHUDDery, and I think I'm onto something.
Treats everyone with respect regardless of what their perceived status is.
When they call you because they're at the supermarket and you might want something.
They can laugh at themselves. Not to the point of self deprecation, but they can acknowledge when they're wrong or dumb
They actually show up, or, failing that, tell you they aren't going to show up and summarize why and when the next best time is.
I feel like everything is a green flag until a red flag pops up. Like how an open road is functionally a permission to cintinue driving.
There are things where I get excited about a person, but even then red flags are more important. "Never admits to wrongdoing" and "Thinks kicking down a door and screaming at your partner is an appropriate response to leaving a mug in the wrong cupboard" is going to flatly be more important in a relationship than "does activism" or "is house trained".
That said, I don't like arguing all the time and do organising stuff irl, so it would be nice to agree politically on a bunch of things. Responds to texts/messages and seems excited to build conversation with me.
its more of a long term green flag but whenever someone listens to me, like brings up something i mentioned ages ago or whatever, its just a nice little thing i appreciate a lot
communism, support for palestine
When they pay back what they owe without being reminded.
They communicate honestly
They smile at people they meet in a genuine "have a good day" vibe. It lifts people more than you know.
Texts me and makes plans instead of me being the one who has to.
A desire to learn.
I think the way people talk about themselves vs. the way they talk about others is very telling about their personality. Being positive and humble/making fun of oneself while being positive about others is a huge green flag.
They join banter in a comfortable way without using character assassination as an authority/persuasion grab.
They care about other people
Kindness and looking out for others even when they don't have to.
Informs you about stuff proactively and you don't have to pull everything out of them yourself
They are self-aware, willing to change and learn, and have a rational, logical view of things. It's rare to meet people like that, but they are by far the best people. Someone's philosophy on life is probably the best descriptor of a person.
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Their fingernails. It sounds weird, but you can tell a lot about a person by how maintained their nails are. If they have long gross unkept nails, it says a lot. Versus trimmed and clean nails.
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I always do dinner and a movie for Date 1. At dinner, how do they treat the staff? Are they kind, do they thank the worker for their help? Do they tip well? Do they take forever to pick an item off the menu? When I offer to pay, do they initially counter offer for them to pay or us split at least?
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I'd just ask them their thoughts on trans folks wanting to participate in the Olympics with their same gender. The way they react to a hardball question pretty quickly outs any red flags.
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Interested in learning and willing to change their mind when presented with new information.
Appreciates spiders and other crawlies.
You know, I don't have one. I should come up with something so people have quick ways to go up in my opinion and not just down. It will make me less sad.
Spatial awareness and sensitivity, especially in doorways, hallways, and sidewalks.
Has a favorite Bauhaus professor.
Without prompting, they get me a load of well-rotted manure for Valentine's Day instead of cut flowers. Even more if they spread it for me without hurting any of my perennials.
Feel, and spread the aura of energetic.
