4w ago

I don't wanna die, but I dont wanna live either

Idk. Is this depression? I'm not very good at figuring out what's wrong with me.

On the one hand I really like certain things about life. And I like having one. And I know I only get one. And I dont know what death feels like.

But at the same time, I'm so goddamn lonely all the time. I'm so useless and I really can't feel like I can change that before everything goes to shit. I'm a shit person. I dont deserve to live more than so many other people who have died. And it just feels like no matter what I do that it's all going to end up the same way. So I just don't feel like there's any point in doing anything.

I'm trying where I can. I really am. But I feel so trapped and so alone. Sometimes I feel like it'd be better to stop wasting my time and everyone else's time and just skip to the conclusion. But no, I'm too much of a coward to do that either

2 comments

yeah that's depression. You aren't a coward for not skipping to the end. If anything its the opposite. It takes chutzpah to keep going in an ever darkening world when death is inevitable.
And hey, it can get brighter. Things do get better sometimes. I spent a long time in and out of a similar funk but I got out. Not that everything is great but I haven't thought about checking out in a long time.
Hang in there.
Sorry to hear this. I feel the same. Life is so hard for so many people, every day is a struggle and never ending stress. If you want to talk to someone in private, you can PM me.