Profit!

This is a depiction of John Rawl's "Veil of Ignorance" concept. Where to properly considered whether a society is just, you must consider that may be placed in any part of it.

I love this tool so much. It stops so much bad pop philosophy dead in its tracks.
- Good one

That comic isn't the trolly problem though. For it to be a problem you need to give a shit about both tracks. This is just an image of the real world. :(

For it to be a problem you need to give a shit about both tracks.
For it to be the trolley problem, you have to make a value judgement between action (hitting the lever) and inaction (letting the trolley roll past).
The original conceit of the problem (trolley hits five people or you move the switch and it hits one person) is about the culpability inherent in personal agency. Mathematically killing one person is better than killing five people. But by switching the trolley, the singular death becomes your fault rather than just some event that's happening beyond your control.
This is the real moral dilemma. All the iterations on the trolley problem - questioning which track has a higher value/need - are a divergence from the original psychological problem of assuming culpability for an existing problem by altering it.

Accurate

except the trolley takes 75ish years to kill you.

Not always. How many people died digging the Panama canal, or building the Hoover dam? How many ships just fucking sink with all hands each year because the company doesn't give the first two half-flaccid thrusts of an obligatory marital fuck about safety?
- have you considered poetry? this was beautiful and picturesque
- Not always. How many people died digging the Panama canal, or building the Hoover dam?
  How many lives were saved as a result of the canal and the dam? These were public works anyway. Profitable for a few, sure. But publicly bankrolled and broadly beneficial for the continent at-large.
  the company doesn’t give the first two half-flaccid thrusts of an obligatory marital fuck about safety?
  One one track is a pile of money and on another is a collection of workers without hardhats and safety boots, perhaps.
Not if we get rid of regulations and vaccines.
The lever be slackin. Let’s get this over and done with
If you're lucky! Many die young from the prioritization of profit over public safety.
That's ok, guy at the lever and the rest of his buddies are working to accelerate that process
Not really.
So like a normal lifespan?

Something I never got about the "tied up on train tracks" trope is that the victim is never tied to anything. Can't they just wiggle out of the way?

I always thought they were tied to the tracks
- How would you even do that? Train tracks are typically flat against the ground. If you can find a picture of a person being depicted as tied to traditional tracks rather than just being tied up and laying on the tracks, I'd like to see it. I didn't find one from a quick search.
  EDIT: Downvote all you want, but please show an example! I'm genuinely curious if anyone has ever shown a person tied to the tracks that makes any logistical sense.
  EDIT 2: I've seen a few pictures from searching that show it is possible - I assume it depends on how packed down the planks under the tracks are - but the fact remains that the vast majority of the time, the person is show as just being tied up and laid on the tracks.
Honestly, I usually saw this alongside Wile E. Coyote style antics performed by someone literally twirling a mustache, so I was never looking for consistency!
And less charitably, the character tied rarely seemed to do more than protest delicately even when she wasn't tied...
i think what is going on here is making an example. This is not a moral problem with some kind of inevitability. This is an execution that is trying to make a point