The Right-Wing Internet Is Full Of Wild Theories About A Text Message From FEMA

while this asinine conspiracy crap is over the top, there is at least one reason to be aware of the EBS test... specifically for people that may be hiding a phone - for many legit reasons, including a domestic violence situation. making sure the phone is completely powered off (and will not alert) for the test may prevent a nasty domestic encounter. that is all.

This went off at my MAGAfied workplace. I screamed "The vaccine!" and clutched my chest right as it did. I got a few qultists to jump in their seats.

Guys, this is a golden opportunity!

Get on Right wing forums and tell them this test has been aborted, because all the clever paranoid nutjobs were onto them.

But, in fact, the test has just been rescheduled to a random time, or rather at random times for the next year or so. Until Biden's time is up and Trump is declared Supreme Emperor I guess. Because really, if you were really conspiring to send a mind control message, you wouldn't broadcast the date & time ffs.

So the only safe thing to do is to turn off their devices, all their devices, and leave them off until after the next election. That includes TVs, of course, and especially Fox News, cuz the Democrats know that Fox News viewers are more cautious and took fewer vaccines, so they'll have scheduled extra Emergency Broadcasts for them.

Fast forward a year, in which all the crazies have to go out and live on the real world and talk to real people, and we might just have a sane country back. At the very least, we'd have a year off...

These people are so fucking stupid.

They think a cellphone has the ability to "activate vaccines and give people Marbug virus", but for some reason think if they turn their phone off to not get the message, that's the only time the signal could be sent out?

Cherry on top:

I saw a different article about this where the nut jobs were telling people to mask up because chemtrails are going to happen at the same time. Also something about drones that send out the signal?

There's just never any logic with them

We missed our chance to all get together and collectively start acting like zombies as soon as the alert fired.

Then again... all of these lunatics have guns and are just dying for an excuse to start blasting. I'd rather not get shot trolling the crazies.

Do these people have the memory of an earthworm?

We've had regular testing of alerts over the radio and TV, as well as regular testing of sirens for decades.

a nefarious federal government intent on harming its citizens

That part isn't crazy for them. It's what they vote for every time they're given the chance.

I heard that this is Biden’s Order 66, and it’s going to activate the antifa super-soldiers and turn all frogs gay.

Why are they quoting people with smaller social media followings than my grandma? Who gives a shit.

Even entertaining this theory for a second longer than I really want to, why in these people’s minds would the US government want to destroy itself by turning its citizens into zombies?

It baffles me on stupid some of the human race is. How do they function? I know they're fueled by fear and hate but to actually function and hold a job is just astonishing to me.

My god they’re fucking stupid.

And on TikTok, one since-removed video included the caption, “Y’all get ready. October 4th their [sic] activating Marburg virus through 5 g signal which they are activating on October 4. This will affect anyone who took the shots.” The accompanying video featured anti-vaccine activist Todd Callender warning that a 5G broadcast would cause “liquid nanoparticles to swell” and release heretofore contained pathogens into the bodies of COVID-19 vaccine recipients, causing “a Marburg epidemic” as well as, really, a race of human zombies. (The Marburg virus is a dangerous hemorrhagic fever virus.)

Oh, that'll be easy to disprove when I eat their face because human flesh is a rare delicacy, not because I'm a zombie. They'll be so mad, I bet.

Edit: After the FEMA message, I'm definitely liquid nano-particley. Am I going to see the Mars bugs soon?

Just went off. Nothing happened. Another dumb right wing thing put to bed.

I know this is a worldwide phenomenon, but I've never met a live one over here (non US). How common are those lunatics over there?

These dumbfucks are dangerous.

Do you remember pre-mass-adoption of the internet? These headlines remind of the hoax/canned spam emails, like the, "forward this on to 50 people or a loved one will die" type stuff.

Back then idiot friends would occasionally sign in to AOL from dial up and send those to me. Decades later we've turned the hoax email "To: field" into an "@" soap box that reaches thousands and echoes far quicker. I think we used to be blissfully ignorant and much less influenced back then. I miss that version of my mom, the one that didn't think masks are satanic rituals.

E: I don't want to come off as head in the sand, old ways are the best... I've developed a much better world view since the internet came along and that's a good thing.

Good, live in self-manufactured fear, morons.

All these conspiracy theories are fascinating to me. I legitimately read them all and think to myself "How do people come up with this!?"

Man, I remember growing up in the 80s where we had a test of the emergency broadcast system every month, and like clockwork there was a manufactured crisis. The 80s were wild.

“That’s how they’re activating the sleeper cells, the ones who got programmed with the 5G virus, they’re all gonna get activated at the same time yo come take our guns away and rape our grandmas, and institute Biden’s Fifth Reich!”

If anything these vibrations will be healing frequencies so I’m told…… I for one am not taking any measures to hide my phone……

It's all true, and I'm pretty sure my dong just got even bigger as a result! Thanks, White Hats!

I love these morons... "I'm an open heart surgery survivor and I've had the Pfizer and Moderna vaccines like 5 times now? 6 times? Need to check my vaccine card... No problems, no Covid either."

I'm so glad I quit my last job so I don't have to get brain cancer listening to these conspiracies discussed in earnest from my christofascist manager and her bootlicking sidekick

Hey you guys,

I found footage of their mind control research with sound tones.

https://youtu.be/ZUus9Z82Vec?t=40

I mean, we had a similar test in the UK ages ago so surely they realise this hasn't affected vaccinated people?... What do they think it's going to do, exactly?

Russian troll farms are being productive

I was curious if my phone would work in the microwave since it's supposed to be a farriday cage and I was able to maintain a call and yell at my microwave to carry on a conversation with the person on the other end.

Nitpick but the EBS was renamed to EAS ages ago. These people are stuck in 1990.

It must be great being a cult leader. You can make all sorts of ridiculous claims. Every once in w while you're right and you can go "SEE!? SEEEEE!? I WAS RIGHT, I AM YOUR GOD!" and for the other 99.999% of the times that you're wrong, you can just claim some other ridiculous reason which then also will be believed.

I'm sad that I didn't get any of these from people I know.

I blocked a lot of people during the covid scare. And was hoping to prune the list even more.

Good gravy.

I'll be getting a vaccine about that time, so I'm looking forward to it.

"Jason Shurka" is not a spirituality influencer, they are just a conspiracy theorist who co-opted spirituality like the right does with co-opting things and turning them into a message of hate

Spirituality is free of religous dogma and dogma in general as it is a personal practice that the individual can tune to their needs

Don't let these kinds of people co-opt spirituality and use it as a thinly veiled facade to spread hate and misinformation, bigotry and dogma

I, for one, welcome our new zombie overlords.

Yeah... They're fucking morons.