What's the worst "Bonus" a job has ever given you?

I was recently hand-picked for a promotion to backfill my boss, but when HR came to give me the offer they told me my old pay grade was identical to the new one (yeah, I know, that's weird as hell). Anyway, they told me it would be a lateral move, BUT I would be moved into the management bonus structure which historically has been 8% quarterly. Once I accepted (yeah, I know, I'm looking at other options) they told me I didn't actually qualify for any bonus payout until April of 2026.

I've had bonuses in the past that were as low as $5, this is by far the worst and will be the reason I leave.

A button. Like a shitty little round metal button, not even an enamel pin.

But it's also the only bonus I've ever gotten so it is both the worst and the best one. 😮‍💨

A fucking turkey.

Company takes over previously non profit happy and its associated home health company.

Employees had previously gotten cash bonuses end of year, even us plebes at the bottom of the chain of command. The year before I had gotten right under 300 bucks. Not a huge thing, but respectable.

That money was direct deposited with no issues, and came with an invitation to a party thrown for employees.

The turkey? You had to drive to the services building, which was on the other side of the county (where they handled bookkeeping and such) to pick up the damn turkey, had only a two hour window during working hours to do so, and they didn't even have enough for everyone if everyone had shown up. They ran out, and it wasn't everyone that did show up, because that window of time excluded everyone doing patient care at the hospital, all of the home health workers at a case, and many of the support staff like maintenance that didn't get breaks at that time.

Yup, it was that bad, and intentional. "We didn't think there would be that many people showing up" was the response given.

Like, fuck you. Fuck you and whoever decided to insult all of us this way.

My boss installed a sound-proof "relaxing room" with a massage chair in it, saying any time you feel stressed or need time to think, you can go in there and wind down a bit.
The door to the room was right next to his office.
I tried to go in that room once.
My boss intercepted me at the door and gave me more work.

At another job, as a christmas bonus, I got a lighter with the company logo on it.
It broke after 3 days. The company lasted slightly longer.

At some point I was doing the job of 4 people and teaching a new one, due to several maternity leaves. My boss calls me in a meeting room snd starts telling me how she appreciates my effort and she wanted to give me a one time bonus. She was very proud of herself for that. The bonus was a one time payment that would be enough just to buy a large pizza! And she insisted I hide the content of the information paper so that the colleagues don’t see it. I soon searched for another position in another team, seeing how much she appreciated me. I would have been less offended if she would just acknowledge my work and don’t insult me with that bonus.

We used to get bonuses at my one company (like 500 bucks at Christmas but better than nothing). Then the last year I was there they instead gave us little buttons with the company name on it and how many years we had been working there. I quit that year.

Probably food instead of a raise

Well, this year, its looking like a change in payment/appraisal system, with a "conversion bonus" less than the (current) expected increase in taxes. This also being before taking into account inflation.

TL;DR, GS payscale to ACQDEMO/NH payscale.

Oh, and because I'm not a GS-12 or higher, the potential bottom of my pay grade is 34K (before locality).