Home owners of Lemmy do you have any advice on dealing with the stress of owning a home?
Every drop of water, crack, ant, royally freaks me out at this point. I can't afford to rent. I own a shitty house that is a fixer upper. So frustrating.
Know when to bodge a fix, and when to nut up and spend some time and money on something. Damp mouldy patch on the ceiling? Have a look in the ceiling space, see if you can spot the issue, fix it if it's easy. Slap some mould killer on it, done, don't worry about it. If it comes back? Get it fixed.
Writing shit down helps. I've got a whole todo list of things that need to be fixed. It's shitty how long it is, but because it's written down it's already half taken care of and I don't have that random stress of 'oh good that's right there's a leaky shower' and having to remember to do that thing.
List the issues, google one by one how to bodge it, decide if it's worth it.
Oh, the stress? I remind myself that renters in my area are now paying twice what my mortgage is, and I bought just three years ago. It's a quick boost, and believe me, I've got at least a dozen fixes myself to do that I don't have the energy or money for.
If that's not enough, take a few weekends to at least hit what you can. Make a list and tackle things slowly as to not get overwhelmed. One by one, step by step.
For example, I used a week break to paint the kids room and it feels like a brand new home, even patching cracks and dealing with water damaged ceiling drywall (was minor, and the roofing was already fixed before I moved in). The rest of the house needs it, but it still made me feel like I did something.
When you hear a loud noise just think to yourself "Please be haunted and not something expensive..." it's what I do.
The biggest advice I can give is put systems in place to reduce as much as possible the list of things you have to manage freeing up your mind and time to solve more complex issues.
Stick a hose on the dehumidifier route into the drain never empty it again as an example where as before you emptied it daily or every 2 days.
Good example.
In a similar vein: setup alarms. Smoke detectors is an easy one, but also water leakage detectors. If feeling adventurous, maybe logging of water/power usage as well to catch slow leaks.
Paying more for good quality tools to fix things properly can seem like a luxury initially, but they're worth it when you're 10 years down the line and still able to use the same set as if they were brand new.
Idk. I now recommend getting cheap tools first until they either break( from usage) or their bad quality is a noticeable and active hindrance. From there buy better quality. I also suggest buying ALL the tools you need. Sometimes, you think you can make it work with some alternatives and don't want to get the specialized tool. I feel that I usually end up spending more time dealing with the problem and getting more stressed out.
Example of the latter: dealing with my drum breaks with just pliers. Uninstalling was a breeze, but installing was a huge pain. The cheapest specialty tools made my life so much better, and used them several times. I notice their janky, but they still work good enough to get the job done.
It gets boring to worry. Now I just view it as a cosy box that I'll occasionally have to patch up. Also, getting comfortable with DIY, especially that first scary 'dive in' moment where you have to cut the wire, drill the wall, or pull up the board. Over time it all just gets as normal and run of the mill as cracking an egg for an omelette.
Not really much advice other than being proactive about issues, but it is funny how concerned you quickly become with all types of water once you own a home. Rain intrusion, drainage in the yard, leaky pipes, dripping noises, frozen pipes, gutters, humidity, water heater, storms, etc, etc. It's a real menace and so are squirrels (as I also found out after purchasing a home).
This right here. Every running water noise your ears perk up thinking that it's the worst. Then you realise it's just the dishwasher.
how concerned you quickly become with all types of water
LOL, yes! 99% of my problems these last 5 years have been related to water. It's really made me want to learn more about plumbing.
I learned to fix it. Before YouTube, that usually means not so great. But now, I usually do at least as good as a job as the people I'd hire.
Fixing stuff is easy, and you have to accept that there's no perfect fix.
Ants, set out ant bait traps. Look outside and see if there's a trail, follow it to the source, and spray it with ant poison.
Cracks, YouTube that. They may be nothing.
Leaks, if it's plumbing, you can buy pipes at home Depot and replace them.
Granted, it will take a while. Maybe all day. But you'll get an endorphin rush when it's done and eventually you'll come to know all the ins and outs of your house.
But it's you look at it and it's too big, Google a company to do it. Even if you're halfway, and find you're stuck. No shame in getting help. This shines you don't have a family member or friend who's already handy.
But really, if you can't fix it, can't afford to have it fixed, just do what you can to keep the house clean and work on it a little bit or put aside money till you can. That's hard, but that's owning a house. Like anything in life, it's difficult. But it doesn't have to stay that way, with enough time and practice.
You're already smarter than many, asking for other's opinions. Don't suffer in silence. I believe in you!
And if you are not 100% confident, take lots of pics as you go. And every step, do something that you figure you can undo. Worse case scenario, it goes back to how it was…
no perfect fix
And if you need convincing, go measure some parts of your house. Peak around in places and see how its actually assembled compared to how you thought it would be. Then realize it hasn't fallen over yet, so maybe perfection doesn't matter.
I’ve just been making a wardrobe in an alcove where in the space of 1200mm they have managed to be out by 40mm (1.5 inches in 4ft for our American folks) Trying to be within 1-2mm and deciding on referencing a side wall that’s curved but making the room “more square”, and having a variable depth wardrobe or making something that looks right but that I know is a parallelogram. Either way a future guy with a tape measure will ask “what idiot built this?”
We all want to believe that these rooms actually follow geometry with things like parallel/perpendicular walls.
Try to only tackle one project at a time. It gets exponentially more stressful trying to juggle a bunch of incomplete projects. Also, you'll never be "done". That's not the point. The point is shelter and comfort.
This is probably some of the best advice here. It's important to prioritize what is going to the most costly if you don't fix it now, and if you try to do 7 things at once, you will feel like none of them will ever be done, which contributes to your stress more than still having 6 broken things after fixing one.
Find the little things that are easy to fix. Recently I had two sections of my laminated flooring that started to peel. I got some low profile transaction strips and set them up. Worked out that the area to repair the actual divide between my living room and dining room so it looks like it was supposed to be there.
i see repairing my house as a money saving hobby, got lots of plumbing, drywall, lumber, electrical, network, and car repair tools in the shed, garage and laundry room. i prefer to watch a diy vid on yt than any fiction, i guess my frugality drive me
shitty...fixer upper
You have the best kind of house! Since its market value is already low you don't have to worry about all the stupid shit people fret over when their house is too valuable.
What's leaking?
How old are the cracks? If they're old, then whatever shifted already happened and no longer matters. Just keep an eye for new ones. Like a casual eye. Don't obsess over it.
And the more you open up to fix the more systemic problems you find. In an old/fixer house. Try to pick one project at a time. Spend some money when u have too. Have seen some smart people locate home improvement grants for upgrades/HVAC. You'll need to spend money. No avoiding it. In a couple years you'll forget how bad it all seemed and get used to the minor annoyances you haven't gotten too. And don't forget to learn some things. Buy a bug pump sprayer and specific chemicals on line. Learn how important gutters are and getting storm water away from the foundations. Get some rugs to cover the gaps and caulk the cracks. Most importantly A good partner for the decorating to make u forget it's a shitty house no matter how much work you put in
To answer your question I just drink a lot.
Best response in the thread lol
You're still better off owning a house and paying for repairs than paying rent. Even with the cost of repairs it's most likely cheaper in the long run and you're your own landlord.
I solved this by selling my house and outsourcing all those bullshit problems to the landlord.
I love owning a home but fuck it’s expensive. Learn how to do stuff yourself is the best advice I can give you.
I have saved so much money being able to troubleshoot and repair simple things like hvac, electrical, plumbing, woodworking, etc. YouTube is amazing for learning this stuff. A good example: I recently had to replace two hvac condenser fans that would have likely cost me a $1000 a pop to fix. It’s bad enough the motors themselves were $300 a pop. Plumbing is easy if you have the right tools (pex is awesome). Electrical can be pretty easy if you’re willing to learn (I was a computer engineer in college and a system architect by trade so I get the electrical stuff). Learn how to patch holes in drywall. You’d be surprised how much you’ll be doing that. Learn how to replace a faucet. Learn how to replace the inwards of a toilet.
The great thing about a fixer upper is you can afford to make mistakes. Take your time, don’t rush it. Make little improvements all the time. It all adds up.
Get handy. Fix things before they go bad, and learn basic construction on the way. Second hand tools are cheap, and there's a number of good youtubers to help in any situation. After you get your bearings, it turns into a fun way to make the place into what you want it to be. Nothing is terribly difficult, and materials can be had cheap if you're not in an emergency. Facebook marketplace allowed me to build a house for 70k over two years, and it's valued at 350k, and not finished yet. The experience gained led me to doing odd side jobs and reselling unused materials to keep paying for new additions. If you can replace your own water heater, you can replace someone elses for half the price of Lowes and still take home 700$ for three hours work. Pick up some resold tile and put in a bathroom wall. You'll find out what you did wrong in your own bathroom and won't mess up someone elses for some extra cash in a pinch.
Electrical work is my favorite. Know the code, and how to stay safe, and it's a lot of fun that the average person is HORRIFIED of. Get a good electricians multitool, a current tester, a drill and some tape, and you can perform miracles.
Most people will never afford a house. You don't have to fix it, you get to fix it, so take pride and make it somewhere you love to live.
For some of the other posts I see here, in case you have these problems in the future. These aren't in order of importance.
And DON’T FUCK WITH NATURAL GAS! Let the professionals do it. I guy near Detroit killed his entire family last year swapping out a hot water heater himself. He survived. The house was no longer there.
Or, ya know, be competent at it. I've swapped out a gas water heater, gas range, and gas clothes dryer, all of which have been in service for years now, and haven't blown up yet.
(That said, at this point I would recommend transitioning away from natural gas if you can, by installing heat pump or induction electric appliances instead. Better indoor air quality, better efficiency/sustainability, enabling the possibility of completely eliminating a gas bill including the fixed base charge for pipe maintenance, enabling the possibility of eventually running the whole house on solar, etc.)
Idk what powder you’re talking about for ants, but the borax gel works amazingly well and isn’t toxic.
If you need to hire a tradesperson, find small companies, folks who work for themselves. We're WAY cheaper than the shops are and can usually a) make time for you and b) work with you on it all. Plus, we need the money more ;D
For real though, I just bought my first home a couple years back and I get it. There's a lot I don't know still. It'll be alright, just keep an eye out for water damage. And if something starts sparking, cut the breaker off and call someone. Pretty much anything up to that point can be handled with YouTube and Harbor Freight.
I understand this will sound crazy. I started running, a lot. A few half marathons per year. It's a juxtaposition of enjoying the benefits and hating the activity.
The biggest benefit is being able to handle more stress, and deal with the stress better, in general. I tell myself during the first mile (as it's the most difficult to start), "I am expanding my capacity to endurance stress and suffering" it's shifted the way I look at problems.
A recent example: I paid a contractor to build a wall to split a room, and to install new flooring on the floor. It looked nice. A year later, I encountered a problem in the bathroom that exposed a leak that's probably existed since the work was done. The bathroom is being torn apart and completely redone by me. I'm not thrilled, and was absolutely pissed at first, but it's subsided much faster than it used to. I can't afford to hire someone again, but I do have another bathroom to use during this process, so it can wait. It's shifted my perspective, and I'm seeing this now as "expanding a set of skills that can be useful again" instead of completely dreading it. Of course I prefer this didn't happen 😊 but wishing reality is different doesn't help anything.
I'm in the same boat. Bought a home in 2020. It's been a constant stream of fixes and updates and replacements. My mortgage payments are high enough. Now we're dumping thousands of dollars on flood prevention, evestrough replacement, random leaky pipes, furnace cleaning, deck refinishing, grass and landscaping. Wife and I both work full-time. We are dipping into savings to upkeep our home. I totally regret it. Should have bought a 2-3bed condo instead. At least we could plan for the monthly condo fees and not worry about sudden emergency fixes. I don't know. I hate it.
Even with an HOA, you can still end up needing to pay tens of thousands for surprise repairs in the forms of special assessments, especially if the HOA is poorly managed.
Yeah I don't know how I feel about neighbors. I have good neighbors, but they are about 20 feet from me in either direction.
Not easy but have enough surplus to cover those things.
Also try to remember all the mortgage you're paying you'll most likely get back when you sell, unlike when you rent.
I sure wouldn't say 'all'. The first years of your mortgage you are paying the bank more in interest than you are knocking off the principal.
A $300k home with 20% down and an interest rate of 3.5% on a 25 year amortization schedule will see the buyer paying $8k in interest versus $6k towards the principal at the start. Over the course of the mortgage, the $300k home will cost $420k thanks to the $120k in interest the bank takes.
All this is part of the game. What you save on not paying a landlord you pay in time keeping up with the place. Every ant and water drip is a challenge that you get to learn about fixing and make it your own. We're all lucky we live in a time where you can learn how to do anything from the internet.
Is this a typical feeling? I've been planning to buy a home soon....
Yes, but you get used to it. It's a typical feeling for the first few years if it's your first house.
Learn to repair things properly and that will reduce a ton of stress. You will also learn what things can be put off and what needs to be done immediately.
Over the years, I have learned how to do just about every kind of home repair or update. Its been rewarding, actually.
It is, but OP’s is a little worse because they got a fixer-upper. If you’re buying new (or newer), you should have less anxiety given you get a proper inspection done before closing. You’ll still have to learn doing maintenance and repairs of course, as there will always be something that will come up.
Not for me. I... Don't have leaks? I know where my water shutoff is if I need it.
I like owning.
This is absolutely normal when you first buy the place. I bought my place in 2017 and was super anxious over the first year because I suddenly had basically no savings and all my equity was in this building. I didn't know anything about home repair and couldn't afford to hire someone who did.
The thought of something going wrong enough that it would ruin the place gave me an anxiety attack more than once.
Then, after a couple years and a few things needing fixed, I realized that things don't go wrong that often and most of the time if they do, they are easy to fix.
I think it depends on the property and the amount of repairs you can afford.
We budgeted .5% of the cost of the house for repairs annually - put it aside in a separate account so you can replace the roof/furnace/etc without taking a lifestyle hit.
Adjust the proportion by the age and state of the property.
I think it really depends on the home, get an inspection to try to see some of the problems beforehand and you won't be caught too off guard.
For me water is the biggest thing, water in the basement, water through the roof, water by the window sills, it never ends! Every expense seems to be another 5k or 20k, owning a fixer upper is an expensive endeavor
I have have pretty bad anxiety. So it may me just me.