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Greentext @sh.itjust.works

MrJameGumb @lemmy.world

13h ago

Anon needs help to solve the mystery

74 comments

It's another carbon monoxide poisoning poisoning

Anon will need a plumber because he got up in a daze to use the bathroom.

It's under the bed.

Do people actually do this?
- People aren't buying all those butt plugs for decoration. People fall asleep. I don't imagine many people sleep with them on purpose, but certaintly possible to pass out with a butt plug in place.
- Maybe? This came from 4Chan so it's very possible it could be entirely made up lol
  
  Made up aaaaand?
  
  4chan makes me believe it more in this case
  
  "The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood. Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact."
  Literally on 4chan as a header.
  
  Anything on 4chan I assume isn't real, but pretend it is. More fun that way.
- I've done it before
  
  And you'll do it again?
- Mentally ill people perhaps
  
  You sleep with poop inside of you every night, hoping your muscles will save you, we are just being responsible.
  
  Prude

Buttplug fairy takes the buttplug and leaves you with a shart.
Know your local mythology.
- Shart Fariy 🧚💩

I like how he clarifies that he lives alone.
"Sure, one of my roommates could have come in and poked around in my butthole while I was sleeping. But no one was in a position to do such a thing."
- Hey I had a roommate that would steal my inserted butt plugs while I was sleeping.
  
  And then what?
- Occam's razor and all that
  
  Occam's buttplug

It's a riddle. It was made of ice.
- Or chocolate
  
  ... some stay dry, others feel the pain.

Anon needs to go to a hospital soon
- but sadly, Anon is American
  
  The worst condition of them all.

Must have been the wind
- Maybe just a homeless guy

Did it have a flared end?
If yes:
It's in the toilet, he sleep walked and took a shit and doesn't remember.
or
He pooped it out while sleeping and his dog ate it.
If no:
Butt plug goblins.
They can be warded away with a metamucil potion.
- Way worse than your dog eating your homework

Mmmm, that's some fresh greentext too!
- Ambiguous. Could be September 3rd.
  
  And from the future apparently
- Yeah it doesn't have the remnants of being compressed to .jpg over 1000 times over. Just doesn't have the same feeling with it though.
- So fresh it's still green
- Oh wow. I've never seen one this fresh!
  
  Funny, that's the same thing a stray cat said when it found that butt plug.

Aliens

i rate this greentext fake on scale of 1 to gay

It was all a dream

A wizard did it.
- but anon's a wizard himself
  
  and then the doctor says "I can't operate on this wizard... he's my son!!"
  
  Anon is a Butt Wizard I think is what you meant

Was getting in the way of the aliens probing anon
- some alien intern tought they forgot their probe in Anon, then when they got to their ship their boss was like "no that's not for us"

butt plug tom strikes again

Anon ate too much hot sauce and it dissolved
- You only make the mistake of using a calcium carbonate buttplug once.

Perhaps Anon inserted it in a dream?

The chocolate buttplug

I don’t want to guess

74 comments