AshenWolf [she/her, kit/kit's] @hexbear.net

3mo ago

Trans Megathread from February 3rd, 2024 to February 9th, 2024

Hi everybody! My schedule has been really unforgiving, so I may or may not end up writing something and making changes to the post later in the week.

Regardless, I hope you all have a good week!

Join our public Matrix server!

https://matrix.to//#/tracha-space:transfem.dev

https://rentry.co/tracha#tracha-rooms

As a reminder, please do not discuss current struggle sessions in the mega. We want this to be a little oasis for all of us and the best way to do that is not to feed into existing conflict on the site.

Also, be sure to properly give content warnings and put sensitive subjects behind proper spoiler tags. It's for the mental health of not just your comrades, but yourself as well.

Here is a screenshot of where to find the spoiler button.

532 comments

hi, does anyone wanna make the mega in the upcoming weeks? if so, reply to this post and i'll add you to the list!
the list as it stands:

cummynism2cumharder (2/10 - 2/16) Moss (2/17 - 2/23) EstraDoll (2/24 - 3/2) Yukiko (3/3 - 3/9) GayTuckerCarlson* (3/10 - 3/16) oscardejarjayes* (3/17 - 3/23) Eco* (3/24 - 3/30)
* after name denotes someone who has posted before and will be skipped by first-time posters
- Hi, I'd be interested in making a mega thread but I've never done one before.
  
  no problem! basically i send you the title and the stuff to add at the bottom and you can just write whatever you want above it. you can do next week's if you want, alternatively you can have a week to plan stuff out, it's whatever you wanna do
- I'd like to do the trans mega at some point, but does it have to be about gender or something related? If it does I'll happily do one about Public Universal Friend but if not I want to force everyone to read about Asa Mitaka, my favourite character in fiction
  
  it doesn't have to be about gender stuff at all, it's basically just an excuse to talk about something you care about. i can put you on for the week of the 17th if you'd like
- Sign me back up. I should be fine to do it now.
  
  sounds good, i'll put you on

upvote if you support woke

Huh. I'm realizing that if I were to die tomorrow, I'd actually have a problem with that. I think this may the the first time I've been able to honestly say that. Neat
- it's fantastic isnt it?
- mm self love is the greatest feeling I am so happy to hear you want to be here!

Bought girl clothes that I don’t totally hate or feel completely dsyphoric in

- Absolutely. I didn't always feel the same, but I really appreciate being trans now. If I had the choice to reincarnate and choose how I come back, I think I'd want to be trans again.
- You can sound like a cis girl btw. You just gotta send it. By send it, I mean use your best shot at a full femm voice at all times, especially when just talking to yourself at home. The first few weeks will be the most embarrassing shit ever but also the most liberating shit you've ever felt. Then after like 3 months of full sending it and rolling with the embarrassment, you'll just start passing, just like that.

I've been keeping a transitioning journal ever since my egg cracked months ago and it's funny how shortly after I started HRT, it went from lengthy, emotional reflections on my life and thoughts about gender, to brief rudimentary and primitive phrases. they used to be one, if not multiple paragraphs, but the last two are just "booba itchy" and "so fucking horny rn". it's like in a horror game when you find logs from characters documenting getting infected and turning into a zombie, but instead of getting the T virus, I'm just turning into a girl.
- "T virus" would be a great name for our first puberty.

Lots of exciting developments happening lately. I got my FFS surgery officially scheduled and it's less than a month away now. Electrolysis is going well; my upper lip is almost clear (at least for this growth cycle) and my facial hair is visibly reduced in most areas except chin. I bought and used an epilator for the first time and though I was worried about pain at first, it's honestly nothing compared to what I've been going though every week with electro. I'll be starting speech therapy for feminization soon. I've been more social in 1 month than I was for all of last year, and I've already started work on (further) radicalizing my new friends. Oh and I'm like 99% sure I'm going to get the job I really want that I interviewed for recently, mostly because my resume was put forward by the boss and have other recs from inside the org supporting me.
- If no one has said it yet: I'm very proud of you
  
  You're making me tear up a little
  
  Thank you, I really appreciate the encouragement

my egg cracked less than a year ago and now i'm completely and utterly stupefied that I ever even believed for a moment that I was a man. Like, not only do I look back thinking that I was always a girl, I don't even believe myself when I think that before 2023, I legitimately believed that I was male. I know that fact is true but I don't even believe that I believed it
- I had such a loose association with being a man or a boy, as a kid it rarely came to mind except all the fuckin times I did ridiculous shit like try to cast magic spells or wish to be a girl or dunk cold fucking water on my head like I was Ranma. As an adult, it was more of a resignation - "oh yeah, I guess I'm a guy. A lot of my friends are girls, I'm a super ally, I'm attracted to my partner partially because they fuck a lot with gender, I love drag and do at every opportunity including very stretched opportunities, I know a lot about transitioning... but I'm a guy I guess." lol
- I feel this big time. It's unbelievable to me that there was ever a time before the egg crack and it's not even been half a year for me. I regularly unlock new egg memories that make so much more sense now and it will be forever baffling that these moments didn't crack me sooner
  
  I literally did the "I'm cis but" on multiple occasions 😭
- It’s hard for me to believe I ever thought in school I could be a manly navy seal or some shit when I was a 5’3 shrimp
  
  omg you should cosplay in slightly oversized navy seal stuff that'd be hilarious
- Happy for you, girlie :)

Homosexuality

testosterone tuesday injection reminder
- it is done

One of the other grad students just told me that my outfits are always so cute. This gal's killing it 😎

People on r/mtf really feel so comfortable talking about being in the military/vets and so many people are happy to engage with it. There's a special level of disgust I have for queer people in the military.
It's reddit, so no surprise of course.

I'm new here, hi everyone :3
- yay you made it! welcome Khlo!
- Hi :)

Couldn’t find a skirt but I found this sickass Sonic mug
- damn you got to be real skinny if you could wear that as a skirt
  
  Maybe it's like a 52 gallon drum and the perspective in the pic is just real fucky

Shopping while trans and fat is such shit I may just learn to sew
- Truuuueee and for some reason I decided to start losing weight after starting HRT...
- pls post about it if you do! I'm extremely interested

I just finished the first set of paperwork to get a court ordered name change! I mail it off Thursday. I'm excited!

hot take but. i really love my wife

i've been working out for like half a week and my wife hasn't once told me that i'm looking shredded
might give up gang, feeling disheartened

My university closed their transition closet :(
- they had a what now
  damn that sucks. At least there's still DIY. I should stock up on supplies
  
  It was a place people could donate clothes to and trans people could go in and grab stuff from. It was great, but its dead now

I think perhaps the truest sign my sister accepts me as a fellow woman is she is happy, even enthusiastic, to have deranged conversations about Shipping with me.

And what was my crime, drooling over a twink? A succulent twink?

- sharing isn't pointless dear idk why it helps but it helps and we are here for you to share these feelings with.
  i'm sorry to hear you're going through some dysphoria. It really does suck that so much of what should be so simple is denied to us due to politics.

My hair is the longest it's ever been and I love it. I'm also wearing more jewelry, accessorizing is just very fun
- Glamorous! ☆

Reading The Ethical Slut to become more ethical and a lot sluttier.
Also took it slow on the weekend bc i briefly felt as if i was getting sick and now i'm approaching dangerous levels of being undercuddled bc i didn't meet my gal pal or my crushes.

TIL I’m too weak to work at a bakery

bit idea: Terf who keeps deadnaming cities and other geographic locations
Nieuw Amsterdam, or sorry, """New York""" or whatever it's going by these days 🙄

Literally no skirts at this mall

How do you even meet other trans people IRL? I guess there are places where they meet or whatever, but I am too afraid of everything to go to an unfamiliar place somewhere alone to meet with people I never seen before.

9 months HRT and you don't have anime girl G cups yet
how could my body be this transphobic to me???

I keep putting off buying clothes cause I have no idea what will work with my body type. I'm terrified of, once again, buying stuff that don't look good on me and just wasting a ton of money.

And with that, I can feel my PMS on the horizon, which it is. This one isn't going to be fun :\
- There's the standard trans girl dress code. Belted dresses, waist high skirts, fluffy sweaters, it's pretty femme though if that's not your thing. I mostly wear sweats and a tank top at home unless Im just nude home alone lol, at work I'm in scrubs and if I'm out doing chores it's basically pants and a t shirt. I do love wearing dresses when the season allows!
  
  I've tried all that before. Doesn't really fit me. I do want to do dresses, but the standard fare just isn't for me.
- Thrift stores are really helpful during this period!
  
  I've tried them before. The main issue is that I can't find my style. Like I can say for certain that standard stuff just doesn't suit me. Same goes for some other alternative styles. I'm just afraid of buying more for that reason. Also the kind of style I'm looking for now just doesn't pop up at thrift stores unfortunately :<

I am going to create a new political ideology. I shall call it Marxism-Leninim-CatGirlism and it will just be Marxism Leninism but everyone will be forced to have some sort of animal augmentation like cat ears and a tail. Especially the person who creates the ideology I decided
- How is that different from the main transfem ideology, Meowoism?
  
  Its better because I stole the idea from Meow and claimed it as my own
- gonna get beaver teeth and go vegan with a wood based diet and build a big ass house
- Does it have to be a cute animal augmentation, or can it be something like a thagomizer or shooting blood out of my eyes as a defense mechanism?
  
  Shooting blood out of your eyes works too
  
  You can pick thagomizer or blood squirting but it's a monkeys paw thing, only serves to cutify you

Really nervous about the clothes I bought online.
We couldn’t find anything good at the store so idk how well they will fit me.
I’ve never bought a woman’s dress shirt before and I keep just seeing in my head a picture from when I wore a men’s dress shirt before I got on hrt that I hated how I looked in and I’m scared it will look like that or worse.
- this is what I ended up buying
  
  Oh, that shirt is cute. I really like your taste.
  
  Does that skirt have pockets or does it just look like that?
  
  love this skirt!!!

doing my best to turn tiddy growth pains into gender euphoria
- Always remember the mantra: "¡No Pain, No Gain!"

after about 9 months HRT and hair growth that girl in the mirror finally just looks like a clocky ass trans girl. I can't really see a man at all anymore
perfect :)
- Mirror, mirror on the wall, who’s the most estrogenized of them all?

I wish I had a mentor. Could be in anything, but a gender mentor would be cool though…

im fucking screaming i have to get estrogen and a fuckin therapist soon its so fucking hard to do myself.

The sincere posting zone, earlier this week I saw a doctor about starting informed consent HRT. I figure if I don't like it I'll stop. If I like it sooner is better than later.
As an omen as I was driving I got stuck behind this Ute covered in bumper stickers and chalk writing, talking about covid19, government tyranny and globalism, etc. To crown it all it had a Eureka Stockade flag mounted and flying. But on the rear bumper in pastel blue chalk in the fruitiest handwriting it simply said "Stop feminising our men”. And I felt well shit if that wasn't a sign from the universe to do the opposite as what this driver wanted.
The consult went fine and I'm catching up at the end of the month to finalize consent check baseline bloods etc. They were very nice. But also doctors don't really understand when you say "If I end up not liking breasts I can have a breast reduction and get some cool as fuck scars".

Yo I am flipping through Bo Burnham's book of poems and this MF is an egg.

I look like if a girl took testosterone (I did for the first 30 years)

Just finished changing my driver’s license. With little fanfare and much relief, all the state documents that I can change are done.

We’ll see if my passport actually gets processed, and my state doesn’t allow sex marker changes, but that’s a fight for another day. So happy to have finally earned the F on all my documents.
Death to Amerikkka and all its vassals.

I think I want to get a collar for myself now... I don't know how to feel about this revalation...

My gf won’t let me put my squishmallow in one of the good windows

Hi 👋

I got new glasses and they're cute as hell

Thinking back on realizing I was trans, and I am remembering about a month before I finally realized I had found a sapphic audio subreddit, looked at the titles and has a "god I wish this were me" moment and then just kinda ignored it. Fucking oblivious Just moments like this all over the years that slowly come back to me

Finished up Detransition, Baby and holy shit is that book heavy. It has such an intimate (in my opinion) understanding of trans women and how we see the world, our communities, and gender, and it really pays off in the text.
Torrey Peters seems to have a gift when it comes to writing scenes that engross you and make you empathize with the characters. The scene at the climax of the story had me emotionally, psychologically, and physically distressed and dysphoric because of how it depicts a certain character grappling with the physicality of our bodies in the middle of a heated moment.
I didn't expect a book about adults in their 30s having a baby to have so many twists and turns, it felt like I was watching a drama at times and I really hope the adaptation eventually comes out and does the book justice.
I want to recommend this book but the list of content warnings ((domestic) violence, transphobia, self harm, sexually explicit passages) probably means I'll only recommend it with the caveat that it's triggering if you're sensitive to the content.
I love me some messy trans women (Maria Griffiths my beloved) and this book really hit the mark. Overall I love this book and it's probably in my top 3 of all time and not just as trans literature.
- I'm kinda bummed that all our good trans lit is so bleak and cynical. Detransition, Baby, Nevada, Manhunt, Tell Me I'm Worthless (well the last two are horror so I guess that's on me).
  
  Definitely get what you mean. It's fortunate that smaller/more obscure writers are writing stories of trans joy, im just still searching for the mythical mainstream trans joy tale.
- Why is it called Detransition, Baby
  
  You're gonna love this. One of the main characters has detransitioned (life as a trans woman was too hard and dangerous) and there's a baby involved

tldr:

532 comments