Trans Megathread for the Week of November 11th, 2024 to November 17th, 2024
Trans Megathread for the Week of November 11th, 2024 to November 17th, 2024
Xenia, the fox girl mascot of Linux, was first designed in 1996 by Alan Mackey. She was meant to be an alternative to Tux, the official mascot.
She had fallen into obscurity, but was noticed by a Twitter user in 2019 and was redrawn as a fox girl. But as it turned out, Xenia was originally meant to be male! The original creator, Alan, was cool with this, saying "It matches the transition of a lot of the smartest, nerdiest Linux users I know" and "And sure, you made her trans!".
So now we have a trans Linux mascot. And I think that's neat.
Join our public Matrix server! https://matrix.to/#/#tracha:chapo.chat
As a reminder, be sure to properly give content warnings and put sensitive subjects behind proper spoiler tags. It's for the mental health of not just your comrades, but yourself as well.
Here is a screenshot of where to find the spoiler button.
finally got round to watching the zone of interest
thoughts
the film was excellent, in a truly bleak way. fantastic sound design too, i don't think any film has every made me so deeply uncomfortable and sick as this does just with the juxtaposed sounds of the happy family and the death camps. i would also say that it's the only film i've seen on the matter that came close to eliciting the same feeling as did visiting auschwitz itself, a deep disgust and anger. however by being shot in a voyeuristic, detached way the film manages to humanise the höss family while not giving any opportunity to become sympathetic to them. if anything, i think their portrayal as "ordinary" makes them more monstrous than if they are portrayed as one-dimensional villains, as even ralph fiennes' portrayal of höss in schindler's list leans toward.
reading a bible written in japanese to speedrun getting to heaven
None of my friends said happy birthday to Shadow the Hedgehog (2005) today, actually messed up
It fr hard being this dumb, naive, and hot. Some days I don't even know how I manage it if I'm being real.
found some self esteem in the back of some couch cushions, feels pretty good. I'll get down this confidence stuff alongside this attribute called rizz and shock everyone who ever said I was rizzless
personal growth, net positive ig, tttt words
Got emotionally critical hit by a single sentence someone i know and look up to said earlier tonight and like, it was so pin point accurate that it basically made me feel all my inadequacies and spent like 30 minutes crying alone in a darkened room listening to ethel cain songs and then came out of it feeling like a new person.
Basically the upshot of this is that ive been reexaming a lot of my habits and i think im going to do away with thinking in terms of like AGP / HSTS bullshit and other tttt dumb shit. Also i deleted my twitter account. its weird, i feel very at peace rn in a way i haven't felt in a long time.
Idk i might also check out of hb after 4 years here or so ig. Imo having a single comment affect my psyche so much i reach inner peace and completely log off is honestly way, way, way funnier of a bit than adding this ⬇️ as my pfp could ever have been
It sounds pretentious and dumb but like, i get now this concept of zen inner peace now, i feel completely calm, like resentments and dislikes i felt before dont mean as much as they did before
After a long day at work I can see why people get a few beers but replace beer with shadow the hedgehog 2005
Watched
part ofa voice training video and now youtube thinks I'm serious. Stop reminding me of my weakness
A few weeks ago I realized I wasn't paying attention and going too fast while drawing my anticistaminesut of the vial. I looked at my shot and it was like half bubble. So uhhh, I stopped shooting big bubbles into my leg. I think it's week 3 of taking an actual dose. On top of that, I lost the little bit of alcoholism related weight/bloating I had on my rum tum tumbly. Feeling really cute and content right now.
BUT I've been cutting myself shaving a bunch now, so I need to step up my hair removal game. What is the consensus on cheap/easy facial hair removal? Do I want an epilator?
trans friends: relaxing to webfishing
me: queueing cs2 to unwind
how tf do i always keep walking like this. "oh yeah i'll just walk down to the stores for a bit for a little exercise", i'll do it, feel bad because i felt like i could have walked further, then check and i just walked almost 4 miles
🇵🇸 *please consider donating to our Palestinian comrades* [click me]
Please help Aya in Gaza ❤️ 🇵🇸https://gofund.me/1222af19Please help Mahmoud from Gaza ❤️ 🇵🇸https://gofund.me/5156f6e9https://www.gofundme.com/f/getting-food-for-my-brothers
https://www.gofundme.com/f/younis-family-relief-and-evacuation-from-gaza
https://www.gofundme.com/f/help-yamen-undergo-surgery-in-gaza
(work in progress 🚧)Power for those who can fuck it
Freedom for those who can find it
Sex for those who can buy it
Television today never lies
What did you say?
Atari Teenage Riot!
- Misgendering, sexual harassment
spoiler
I have to do a lot of interacting with the public as part of a socialist thing, and I've realized the hotter I look that day the more people go out of their way to misgender me.
So they're failing at making me feel bad about gender but I still feel icky because its literally just so fucking overtly trans coded sexual harassment
-
I need to find a social space to use for dating but ugh, I've gotten so picky, except the folks whove made me picky are comrades and I don't date comrades! Ugh! I have a partner but sometimes there are aches that are outside their wheelhouse.
-
Does anyone else get a really weird mix of dysphoria and euphoria while looking at Chappell Roan in drag? I'm trying to sort out my feelings there but getting swamped by "pretty gender-non-conforming lesbian ahhhh" when I try to.
Met a frog friend on the window of the gym outside in front of the treadmill I was using
(also I think I'm developing a crush on somebody there and it's the first time I've felt kinda like that about someone in like half a decade and idk really how to feel about it. I'm really ruminating hard about "wait we're they just being nice or was there something there?" I'm really bad at this but they're really cute and I just feel like a gross ogre talking to them by comparison and can't get a read on the tone of our interactions. Their smile seemed genuine to me though and they're friendly? Idk)
I haven't posted the last couple days, but I have been feeling good. Like myself again. Just haven't had a lot to say or talk about. There's been a couple things on my mind, but they're not really worth getting into (especially when overall I'm doing well). But, in good news, a friend reached out to me. This is the friend I came out to a little while ago, but we hadn't talked since then. Sounds like he just got busy with life stuff. Also, going to do something I've been needing to do for a little bit now but have been putting off
My friend just sent me a decade old photo of myself when I had a huge beard. Just wearing swim shorts. I'm having complicated feelings.
Like, idk... I'm handsome, but it's okay to think you're handsome and still want to transition. Sometimes feels like I'm fucking something up.
I mean, I look at recent photos of me in makeup/dresses, and I'm still handsome/pretty, but... Idk, it would've just been easier I guess.
Also I had super hairy legs. REALLY glad those are gone. I had actually forgotten what they looked like lol
Webfishing clocked both me and my sister. The first chest she opened awarded her the pan title, and the first chest I opened awarded me the bi title. How did it know these things? This doesn't change the fact that I'm still going to run the Good Girl title though.
I saw a gender affirming doctor the other day and it’s really funny because they were unsure about upping my finasteride to higher dose because it might have side effects, and they were like “don’t you just want oestrogen?”. And I’m like “pretty sure that would have more side effects”.
Doing baseline bloods though in case I do decide and I’ve just upped the finasteride anyway.
OH MY GOSH I almost forgot to mention some progress I made today. I was trying to set up Bluetooth in the car, and it always repeats certain phrases back at me. I dread it for this exact reason, and I've avoided setting it up until now with that being one of many reasons. However, it had to happen, so I went to do it and put on my best fem voice. Imagine my shock when it spits my voice back out at me, and it sounds like a mature woman! I don't even know how I did it, and I don't want to listen to it again in case it ruins what might be magic, but in that moment I felt such intense euphoria. I then enjoyed the convenience of having my music on Bluetooth while no longer having to deal with my static-ridden aux cable.
My time's gonna be limited going forward but getting the urge to do all 326 routes of shadow the hedgehog again, got reloaded 1.2 running on dolphin with the widescreen going. Got the added S ranks, got some tweaks, got a timer for each route and got the tab open for the library routes. It's very much a comfort game at this point I've had Disintegration by The Cure on CD for probably 15 years and didn't find it again it until now 😲 (I knew I had Kiss Me x3 this whole time since I bought it at the same time but I don't care much for that one)
we finally have pones on the site
!cute@hexbear.net 
Looking back I'm surprised how long it took for my egg to crack. I watched the Korra avatar and was wishing I was a lesbian, saw the Netflix Shera and wished I was able to transform into a woman and be a lesbian with Catra. Also watched some anime where a guy cross dressed for like one episode and I was wishing I could "cross dress" myself. Wild how oblivious I was
Hey, guess I'm gonna use the anonymity the Bureaucracy affords us. I just saw the current icon of the new !cute@hexbear.net community. It's currently an animation of Fluttershy from MLP G4 vibing and I started to wonder how many people here were/are bronies (in the widest sense possible). I watched the show during its original run and I was strongly aware that I wasn't in the target-demographic, which caused me shame even if I never shared it with anyone irl. I only consciously started questioning my gender long after the show had its run, but now I start to wonder how many eggs were/are in the fandom of MLP.
In retrospective it's kind of obvious why I found great joy in watching that show and I guess I just wanted to ask if others here share a similar experience?
I click on one dating advice vid and now the algorithm keeps giving me more, have to stop myself from doing nothing but watch them all week. Been through that before way too many times but I keep hoping one of them will make the whole meeting people and being vulnerable part easier, got trouble expressing interest in people because of fear of rejection.
I enjoy the novelty of meditating in shorts and a t shirt in the cold rain in public.
Did some gender yesterday, applied for a manual job so put some insoles in my shoes to get to 6' and put some suspenders on to make myself look stronger
. I probably was gonna get the job anyway but wanted to impress and try something. Gender sure is stuff, I know on the other end growing up I always thought girls with eye shadow where hot as hell and then I tried eye shadow and found out I got the same stat boost 
honestly I can fuck with all make up other than lipstick since I like to eat stuff.I tried switching to Linux Mint like... 5 or 6 years ago but I had some problems getting work-critical software to play nice so I ended up doing the walk of shame back to Win10.
Someone gave me their old computer so it seems like a good opportunity to experiment with Linux again since it won't be interfering with my primary PC. I don't know much about distros, is Linux Mint still the best choice for Windows refugees or do I have other options?
injections
they gave me the wrong needles at the pharmacy so now i'm just stabbing my gay butt with them to keep doing subcutaneous lol
i am attempting a scientific experiment. i have been using a plant oil that is supposed to act as a topical antiandrogen that reduces sensitivity to androgens in the places u rub it in, leading to less hair. i have been using it on my face for a couple weeks and it feels like it's changing.
BUT
i plan to conduct an experiment on my arm hairs. i'm gonna do the exact same hair removal on each arm, but i'm gonna put the oil on one arm, for 6 months. i will report on the results.
speaking of lewd
bedroom stuff update
so uh sex is a thing now i guess? like often in a way where i suddenly feel 10 years younger. been able to do a lot of work & make a lot of progress with my issues regarding sex & am genuinely v proud
anyway yeah a certain someone got a rough awakening just before dawn
dumbest girl alive here with another sticky & steamy update!
kink / bodily function stuff
so i had my partner record my peeing outside like a girl in my fishnets & skirt & having a v good time of it. & like i wasn't doing it for my partner or so that i could share the video online or whatever. i did it for myself, it all came naturally, i felt hot. like. fuck. i'm healing? lmao
Medical gatekeeping, but I'm continuing to make progress
My surgeon is really trying to get a third letter in support of surgery because he's clearly nervous that this is new to him and tbf majority of other surgeons. I have a current therapist that I'm asking him to talk to as the third person, but he shouldn't need more than two letters.
I'm trying very hard to stay understanding of everyone else's anxiety regarding my situation, but sometimes I just want to scream at them.
"What do you really want from your body?"
A positive (nsfw) story
I hope this isn't oversharing, but I saw my girlfriend for the first time recently and it went so well.
Every time it was my turn to top, I kept using the same dildo that was pretty much the exact size I wanted from surgery (and was before surgery too). When I told her I liked that one cause it felt validating, she said she bought it because it seemed like exactly what I described to her. I could have cried haha. She never told me she was doing that, she just wanted to be as supportive as possible
I love how there are different paths to enlightenment like Teks for growing mushrooms. Some people talk about them very similarly and it makes me happy.
I "defeated" 60 land leeches. Mao would be proud
In my wife’s Snuggie; got that girl stank going on
back to work today but not in spirit. my spirit will be webfishing and seeing how fast I can mash the meow button.
I texted a couple of my local trans friends about having some sort of friendsgiving thing the weekend before regular thanksgiving. I used to get invited to those in college and I miss them. Kind of to my surprise, everyone was really excited and like 3 people volunteered to help cook. I'm honestly so happy I have queer friends who I can recreate college with lol.
cw: dysphoria
fucking awful day today, staring at the workplace mirror hating my face, my hair, my skin, my shoulders just fuckfuckFUCK this shit
why couldnt my transness be diagnosed before puberty ruined my life goddamnit
Wanna know what the most gender thing is?
Getting lost on campus. Legit spent 40 minutes walking around the city trying to find out where the hell the building I needed to be was
I've started saying "yippee" as a reaction a lot more since starting HRT
Marble Zone underrated
Another midnighter due to my excessive course-workload, AND Asahi's decided to start having visible glitches in the File Manager. Both are my fault, because I took on more work than I could reasonably handle, and I tried to get fancy with a security patch on Asahi that's causing the visual bugs even after I removed the patch from my system.
I'm really breaking the "I post better when I'm tired" rule, I feel like I've just reached a point where I've lapped my maximum spoon count in negative spoons
What's the deal with guys always wearing jeans with the worst cut possible?
Brain is empty today
I had quite the fun and exhausting night last night, right here on Hexbear.net all thanks to Bureaucrat. I really love this bit.
I have gone days laughing at the absurdity of thinking. More often the thoughts fight themselves. Today was the latter but I was reminded of the exercise to ask who is perceiving what I think I perceive. “Who thinks this, who thinks that,” makes it sound like my mind is treating me like a dog and that is fun/ny.
My sister got webfishing and is grinding XP. I think she's liking the game too.
Getting some routine blood work done, and I asked the doctor to check my T levels.
He asked if I'm "having problems in the male department"
Why, yes, doctor, you might say I am
Feeling so much queer joy today 💖
I'm SO glad I made it passed the initial excitement phase. I was so worried that I was only doing this because it's exciting, and, once the excitement wore off, I wouldn't be interested anymore.
But the absolute normalcy of my gender is SO much better. When I can present fem in front of my friends and hear my pronouns just as a normal fact of life rather than something I have to build up courage for, it just HITS.
The more I come out of the closet, the more real it all feels, and doubts start melting away. I honestly can't wait to try E!
Goodnight comrades, here's part of the code of conduct that i think about alot
Be aware of your own enjoyment of the site.
- If you find yourself no longer having fun, do something else. There are many different comms on Hexbear, and many different ways to shitpost and have fun.
- If the site as a whole is just not cutting it for you, take a break. We'll still be here when you get back. Nothing should compel you to stay.
another serious storm expected, and we're usually cut off for a few days to weeks when this happens. managed to go down for supplies, food, gasoline in case we lose power again, pick up medication, take medication in order to have vaguely functioning body, and make preparations for the storm. would have liked to be able to fix the roof leaks before the storm but unfortunately that was beyond my capabilities. but i got a whole bunch of dry wood before it all gets rained on so we should be able to stay warm and dryish.
was a p successful day, especially considering how hard everything has been recently. am proud of myself. and resting by the fire and keeping warm :3
FUCKING 1 TILE AWAY FROM A POTENTIAL KAZOE YAKUMAN AND NOBODY WANTED TO DISCARD THE 1 OR 5 SOU AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Starting a new life in a new place and it’s going better than expected. Kindly issue is that I’m scared something will happen to sabotage it, like it’s too good to be true, or something I don’t really deserve. I guess there’s not much else I can do besides try to stop catastrophizing and make the best of it while I can.
Anyways, I know it’s been a stressful time for everyone with the elections and the struggle sessions on the site haven’t helped much. How’s everyone holding up?
Also on the topic of the election outcome, we had a good discussion in tracha (which you should all join btw, link in sidebar) about options for trans people in the US wanting to leave. I believe Canada lets in USians for up to 6 months with just a birth certificate and photo ID, which could be useful.
Anyone else have any good knowledge or strategies they might want to share for queer people who feel under threat?
I managed to stumble across a person who happened to be an auDHDer like myself in a game just now out of blind luck. They had very similar academic interest to mine so we had a fabulous yap session/taking turns infodumping session.
It was pertinent to the discussion at the time so I mentioned the anarchist Ivan Illich's work to them and they were immediately very interested in his stuff. It was definitely in keeping with my "Chuck 'em leftwards and hope they land somewhere good" strategy.
Apparently I still got it in me.
Also Linux stay winning
a second uninstall has hit tiktok
reason being
i really thought that if i carefully curated my algo then i could avoid the shit that burnt me out in the first place.
while there's so many trans users on there i'll miss seeing, the feed equally rewards engaging in content that I like and dislike. end result being a fuck-tonne of radfems talking mad shit about anyone that's not a cis-white woman. the general uptick in 4b bullshit (australian state media even had a fucking article about it) isn't helping that either...
so i think the healthiest thing for me to do rn is to just disengage
imma try to work past my lifelong posting anxiety and lurk less, i have gay takes that must be heard
Haven't painted my nails in a bit and for the best, got an interview tomorrow and I gotta look not too hot to intimidate the interviewers. I'll give it a month if I get in to secure my position before I get back to it, maybe finally get some high end nail polish and not the dollar store stuff I find.
!CW Venting, social dysphoria:!<
!Feeling kind of shitty and just generally lost in my transition. There's a lot of stuff about it that feels daunting and that I don't know how to move forward with. Lately I've been wishing I had a cis girl friend who could help me out, and be a kind of 'big sister' I could go to for advice. But most of the women I'm friends with are very butch, and haven't felt super equipped to help me. And the one friend I have who has been able to help, moved multiple States away, and while she's been able to help me with some stuff, the distance has impacted our friendship, and I'm just feeling sad about the whole thing!<
I love being a woman. I love my community. I love my trans girlfriend.
I am down 70lbs since january and have hit my first goal weight and by BMI i am no longer obese just medically T H I C C. And a little saggy skin but that's okay just more potential injection sites!
I have figured out how to get instagram to show me trans cuties and lesbians and now i understand how people can use instagram so much!! Starting up upload my own positive vibes and trying to help make the younger ones feel safe.
Love you all, thank you so much for helping me get here :)
For some reason my tax refund got super delayed this year, but I finally got it! First time in forever I don't feel broke. Time to get some cute winter outfits
Haven't seen music posting in a while so here's what I've been listening to this past week apparently
XENIA ayy
Good morning TO YOU
did not know about the trans Linux fox girl, ty for making my day better
ventpost
were stuck in a shitty depressing cycle, in a lot of pain and alone so we lash out if poked > lashing out causes guilt at causing hurt > guilt prompts a desire to hide due to feeling like creatures will never forgive us (and sometimes they genuinely dont which feeds into the feeling like nobody ever will as soon as even one slip up happens) > isolation cranks up the hurt and loneliness more, repeat
we dont feel safe, we never feel safe, we never have, maybe we never will. that causes us to hurt those we care about, and it sucks.
yes our first post on the new megathread is a ventpost :3
i've been a mac/linux person for a long long time but i've just kind of happened across the money for a macbook a couple times which has kept me from having to go full linux - i got one from a uni course a few years ago. this one is nowhere near obsolete and i'm sure i have years left with it. but helping my partner set up a linux laptop has made me feel p good about the fact that simply there is no financial way for me to continue my mac habit. i've been kinda stuck on it for so long partly due to disability because for some reason the macbooks give me way less pain to use. but money is money no matter how disabled i am, and i think i could cope with the same laptop as they have, physically, and mentally i am feeling good about a linux switch. so i'd already been thinking a lot about linux when i saw this adorable trans mascot post. so thank you!
It took me wayyyy too long to realize why there were no new posts in the mega every time I have refreshed today
Whew im at the theater to see smile 2 and had to step out for a lil bit which is a first for me
spoilers!
Its had some great scares but theres an element of the main character being a mentally ill former drug user being tormented by an evil entity into rapidly losing her mind in a very, very public fashion. It got too much for me when she went to talk at a banquet for underprivileged youth. I can hear her screaming in there!
Anyway, back to it. The first one was good and im enjoying this one so far
Edit: unitentional slur, sorry!
nyan
Where is the
emoticon from?FLOOOOOFY WOOOOOFY FOX!!!
XENIA MEGA
Idk how this is the first time I'm hearing of Xenia but I love her and her story <3
Learning the term gender envy pretty cool, after I learned I'm pan there was still something missing when I tried to describe my attraction to some people. Normally I'm pretty
but maybe I should have some thoughts especially when it means taking a more active participation in my identity (by maybe I mean I should). As much as I might lament never having been in a relationship it's on me to figure some stuff out firstMore dream posting:
I had a dream that I came out to my mom, and she reacted very positively. She asked me to dress up and go see a musical with her. I didn't have the heart to tell her that musicals are really more gay coded, but she was trying to be supportive lol.
Anyway, we went because she likes musicals even though I hate them haha
This is a stark contrast to last week's dream where she was super transphobic. A welcome change.
sad
I feel so alone
family shit, mental health breakthrough/down, sui baiting, raging, extremely pitch black bile vomiting bitter lizard brain fight or flight rage
no I'm serious, this is the angriest and most hateful screaming into the void shit I've ever posted and you'll probably regret reading it
okay, last warning
finally snapped and fucking lost it at my piece of shit worthless disgusting scumbag dad after he got aggro at me about me going to recycle a years worth of inhaler boxes he had dumped everywhere on the floor of his disgusting shithole bathroom after I FUCKING CLEANED IT FOR HIM AT THE ONLY OPPORTUNITY I HAD TO WHEN HE LEFT HIS HOUSE TO BUY BOOZE (THE ONLY FUCKING REASON HE'LL PUT PANTS ON AND LEAVE THE HOUSE, BUT STILL REFUSES TO SHOWER FOR THREE FUCKING WEEKS) and I kinda blacked out from adrenaline and don't remember what I said verbatim, but it definitely involved telling him he's a disgusting decrepit braindead miserable piece of shit that's done nothing but unsuccessfully attempt to drink himself to death for 15 years, because he can't even do that right and just expects his family to put up with him, buy him more booze and take him to urgent care when he falls
Somehow managed to keep myself from getting physical with him other than spitting in his face and telling him everyone that's actually still in his life, ESPECIALLY him, would be immeasurably happier if he fucking killed himself and quit wasting everyone's fucking time making himself and everyone that has to actually interact with him sick
Stormed out and beat the absolute shit out of his barbecue with a baseball bat and I think I might have broken a bone in my hand and hacked the fuck out of a maple sapling out front with a machete
I'm really glad the neighbors weren't home
self harm
I'm gonna go buy a pack of smokes, chainsmoke until I'm sick, resist the urge to put them out on myself, then go to the gym and test one rep maxes before all the adrenaline wears out and I crash
:::
::: :::
and 
for a while, comrades. Got some things I need to do. Be back soon!
Make sure to keep the cis down in my absence. 
I keep groceries in the back seat because the trunk is full of bodies
✨
Just a constant stream of negativity towards myself. Nothing is ever good enough
was in for a surpise when I used an effigy and changed armor 
