Proof we're living in a simulation

In all my years I've never walked into a friends home and been offered a baguette or a fresh slice of focaccia.
Well then your friends suck
- "Hey, man! Glad you could make it! Can I get you anything? Some chips, some pretzels, an entire baguette, maybe some iced tea or something?"
  
  Goat cheese and baguette is top tier snack. Y'all don't know how to live
  
  you can cut them you know?
  
  “Hey, I just baked an entire loaf of bread, you interested?”
- I buy baguettes roughly twice a week. They are amazing with oil and vinegar.
  This is 4chan, though... I'm not shocked an incel would think this.
  
  ...and roasted garlic, pesto, and...
- Yeah, my second to oldest daughter was visiting the other day and I offered her fresh sourdough toast and filtered chilled water, felt kind of funny like "here's your bread and water" but it is a delicious snack.
  Sourdough is sold in stores here, a loaf from Whole Foods was the reason I started baking again, that bread was so good but mine now is often even better. So maybe there is a big overlap between people who like fancy bread and people who make it? But even so - if you are making a soup and want bread with it, nobody is buying sliced white industrial sandwich bread for that, and I will occasionally ask my husband to pick up "fancy white bread - from the bakery section not the aisles."
- Agreed! I had a get together with a friend on Friday, and among our many wonderful snacks was a loaf of picante cheese bread from the bougie bakery owned by our employer. That shit slaps, and people deserve to experience the carb-rich glory.

"Shit, man, shit shit shit."
"Steve man. Calm the fuck down. What's wrong?"
"It's a customer, man."
"Please tell me they didn't take an orange from the bottom of the stack again."
"No, no. Worse. So much worse. He's buying the boule."
"Ha. You had me worried for a minute. Nobody buys the boule. You misheard."
"No, man, I'm telling you. He asked where it was. I made him repeat the question. He said again he wanted the 'sourdough boule.' He's got it in his cart now."
"...You're serious."
"Yes, man. He's about to fucking buy the boule."
"Shit, man. What are we going to do?"
"I don't know. I- I don't know. This has never happened before."
"We have to alert them."
"Them?"
"You know, them."
"Wh- you mean the simulation people?"
"You got a better idea?"
"Yeah, maybe drinking bleach. Not to mention we have no way to con-"
"H-hello? Um... Sim- simulation people? Um-"
"What the fuck are you doing, Ted? You fucking dipshi-"
"Yes?"
"..."
"..."
"Steve... you... you heard that, ri-"
"I don't have all day. What is it?"
"Shit, um."
"Yes sir, um, Mister Simulator sir, I-"
"Missus."
"Oh, um, sorry, the voice is just kindof... tinny an-"
"Look, we've got a problem. It's one of the... simulated."
"Mmm hmm?"
"He's on his way to the checkout now."
"And?"
"He's buying the boule."
"Mmm. Right. Thank you for alerting me. This anomaly will be dealt with."
"Oh. Um. O...kay. Um. Thank yo-"
"Wait, how exactly will it be deal-"
- This reads like They're Made Out of Meat. It's brilliant.
  
  Thanks for the recommendation! Here's the short story mentioned if anyone else wants a read: https://www.mit.edu/people/dpolicar/writing/prose/text/thinkingMeat.html
- This is WBRC's 9 o'clock news, I'm Ned Albertson.
  Panic ensued today at a local supermarket, as a man got vaporised in the produce aisle. Warning, the following images are not for the faint of heart. Evan Kelp is reporting live from the scene.

idk man, seems like an american problem to me.
- Are you watching their politics? This can't be real, the writers are all over the top. The whole country is a simulation.
  
  I get some things when I scroll through c/all, that's way then enough for me. I have no idea how the presidential race can even be remotely close. That being said I'm afraid that this behaviour and talking points are coming more and more to us. Some politicians of a conservative party here met several times with republicans and brought some "bright" ideas over here. Guess I'll do the Robinson Crusoe some time and just move to a small island so I don't have to deal with all this nonsensical shit fest.
  
  How we wish.
  
  Clinical insanity, that's what it is.
- Sheltered American...they can't keep the bread on the shelves where I'm at

I often buy these. But, I always take care noone sees me buying them.
- This is the way. Don't let OP know about us.
- I buy those baguettes and it would be lucky to make it home so I always buy two.
  
  Mmmm especially when they are still warm.
- boule shamed into a doughy closet

r/ShitAmericansSay
- Also their horrible sweet ass HFCS bread they think is normal
- Trailer people, really.

So you think you've found the hole of simulation and don't even try to buy some to see if it is really a decoration? WTF bro
- Omfg is this a marketing stunt by the baked goods industry to sell more bread?
  
  This is what Lemmy has become. hailcorporate
  
  I wouldn't be surprised. All these chains are owned by Mega-corp, so they profit no matter what store you go to.
- Many will walk up to edge, but few have the courage to see if they can fly.
- You can't even interact with these objects. You click 'e' and nothing happens. I tried, I tried.
- Well, I surely tried to turn around fast enough to see wether there was sth. Behind me or not -when I was 14.

This is your last chance. After this, there is no turning back.
You take the normal bread – the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe.
You take the fancy bread – you stay in Wonderland, and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes. Remember, all I'm offering is the truth – nothing more.”
- "Wait.. did you just eat both loaves at once??!"

I m French and in France we buy EVERY bread in a bakery .for real after 5pm you have basically nothing .
- The French sure do love their
- Sauf le pain aux raisins parce que c'est une abomination
  
  Et la chocolatine parce que ça n'existe pas
  
  Based on a year of French I took in middle school - you put raisins in bread?! Like sure, we have the dessert loaves of cinnamon raisin bread, but this is America - I thought y'all generally had better taste than us? Raisins in bread is an abomination.
  
  Finally someone had the guts to say it. Seulement les psychopaths achète ça.
- France has laws against throwing away food which makes them plan better. In Germany, the shelfs are full till the end so customers can choose. I think this is changing too but I'm not often in bakeries that late.
- Same here, swiss.
- I’m American (California) and the local bakery sells out daily too
- It's the same in the Netherlands, although our bread is shit.
- That's because we don't put it in plastic. Who wants to buy soft (and apparently underbaked) bread? Apart from US people, I mean.

Ok but if you see sliced croissant loaf, fucking buy that shit, buy two, immediately. I don't even like to shop any more at places where they don't sell it.
- disgusted French look of superiority
  jkjk it looks like something terrible in a good way.
  
  Cause it's probably 3/4 butter.
- Je suis venu faire mon français outré mais oublions OP deux minutes ? Qu'est-ce que c'est que ça ???!
  
  C'est juste un gros croissant shapé comme une miche de pain
- Mind blown!
- Does this come in unsliced? Because cut that suckers down the middle perpendicular to the chopping board and you could make a giant toasted ham & cheese croissant slab

you're telling me that this guy saw something that he didn't understand, but said piqued his curiosity, and instead of trying it to see what it's like he goes straight to schizo posting about it on the Internet?
this is why trump is winning.
- /b/ - Random
  The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
  Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
- Who?

the bread is real. what you arent seeing is the removal of the unsold products that are almost certainly being donated to homeless shelters and hog farmers, then replaced with fresh loaves the next day. there are fda rules in place to prevent leaving such products out more than a couple days.
- are almost ~~certainly being donated to homeless shelters~~ being thrown away and people who are taking some are persecuted... and hog farmers
  fixed that for you :)
  
  you fixed nothing maybe where you live thats how it works but here in tejas we follow food safety rules as well as donated unsold produce to our local foodbanks and shelters. if that isnt how your community works then i hope you get to experience it firsthand. i have and without those good folks deeds we wouldve starved to death a long time ago.

Sometimes I buy the bread lol. The bread just gets made into other things if nobody buys it. Sliced after the first day, made into croutons the day after or a number of other bread goodness like garlic bread or used to make those pre-packed subs, etc. Or it's just tossed cause bread is cheap and making at the scale they make it makes it even cheaper.
By the way, if you have even a passing interest I recommend baking your own bread, unless you want sourdough and you don't want to spend that effort cause sourdough is next level effort. But a basic white bread is extremely easy and tastes so good fresh and lasts for soooo much longer than the store made breads.
- I bake my sourdough weekly. Once you have your sourdough it is pretty much the same effort, but you don't have to use yeast anymore and you need to plan a bit more time for the bread to rise. It is worth it for the taste.
  
  I'd love to get into it but I just don't have the time to get past the initial start up. Plus after work I am just exhausted and I definitely don't have the fortitude to make it a weekly ritual (not to mention we just don't eat that much bread). Maybe someday though.
- I had the opposite experience with it lasting longer. My homemade sandwich loaf will not last more than a week without molding... Supermarket bread (the mass produced stuff, dunno about the made in store stuff) is packed with preservatives and seems to last at least two.
  But it's so much better that it was never going to last that long anyway.
  I usually make two and freeze one
  
  The preservative they use is oil. You'll notice your own bread dries out much quicker than the mass produced stuff. There's maybe some other preservatives in there, but it's mostly just a lack of water
  
  For us the deli bread lasts 3 days on average, the regular store bought bread lasts like actually forever but it's awful so not worth it, the bread I made lasted more than a month. We did however store it in the fridge and I'm sure the recipe and how you handle it are critical.
- Since apparently it's so cheap to make and so much of it gets thrown away anyway, you'd think they just lower the price of it. The reason I don't buy that kind of bread is it usually way more expensive.
  
  It's usually a dollar a full loaf where I get it?

I buy the bread. I offer it to friends. TIL I'm an NPC
- I don't offer it to my friends, but only because I eat it all before they get near me.
  
  that's the correct answer because that bread goes stale in about 6 hours

To be fair, the quality of the bread in these mass produced "artisan bakery" sections can be trash tier, like sometimes it's wonder bread level but even more dry. Idk why they decide to do it. Maybe it was fresh at one point but these displays can get left out all week.
Source: an NPC who sometimes buys this crap to try it.
- Yeah a d by the time you are spending that kind of money on bread, either get it from an actual bakery or make it yourself.
- I used to buy this kind of bread before I started making my own sourdough, but it just doesn't compare to fresh out of the oven. It's more or less equivalent to my own bread after a week when I have to start toasting it.
- Our local chain, Hannaford, has pretty good stuff actually. Their cakes and pastries are good too. Walmart bakery is trash, but it's Walmart. They do pizza rolls 👌

The bread is a decoration indeed. It's there for the same reason the flowers are out the front of the supermarket, it makes the store look more welcoming and less like a warehouse that is engineered to siphon money from your wallet.
Nobody buys that shit. We just wait for them to yeet it in the dumptster out back, then we cut the chain and take it home.

i'll buy some sourdough or a baguette. usually when reduced to clear.
Also when i was on holiday in the US; sourdough bread was all i could eat. seriously guys, your sandwich bread fucking SUCKS!
- The grocery stores have shit bread. It's also the reason people don't buy these ones there. Cause if you like good bread you will go to a bakery or make it at home.
- Yep. My only sandwich breads are the fancy shit and Aldi because Aldi doesn’t sweeten their whole wheat

I'm just laughing at "bread" and "proof" but I know they didn't intend on the pun.
- No bun intended…

Buy the boule coward!

Idk about America, but here the fresh bread is fucking gone by 3 hours before closing. Well, except for the dark bread, there's always a little of that left.
- i actually used to work in a grocery store in the US, unloading bread from the bread factory trucks and throwing out old bread. I'd usually have it done by 7 in the morning and very nearly I'd be throwing out exactly as much expired bread as i was putting on the shelf. at no point would a bread sell out.
  
  So it does change then.
- San Francisco here, we love fancy bread. Not sure if we entirely count as American though

I make my own these days and regularly offer them to guests but I used to buy the stores artisan breads for lunch while working construction when I was young.
The cost to create of a family size loaf of jalapeno and mozzerella stuffed herb focaccia is about $4.87, lower if you cheap out on oil, so theres tons of room for markup even if the store ends up throwing most of it out.
- That cost seems incredibly high, how did you calculate that? Also what are you paying for a loaf of bread? Granted cheese is expensive so depending on how much mozarella you're factoring in that could play a part, but im still curious about your numbers.
  
  Herbs, flour, oil, jalapenoes, cheese, and eggs divide by volume all at retail price.
  Egg is for the wash.
  Good oil and herbs are the largest expense if you buy the cheese in bulk (aged cheeses like mozzerella and parmesian are more mold resistant than other cheeses if kept dry), but you could cheap out with a premade herb blend and some generic "olive" oil.
  We might also just have different opinions on what "family size" means.

Also, my friends and acquaintances are a perfectly representative sample of the population

you gotta feel sorry for someone so out of touch with bread. mmMmmmm sourdough boule
- For real. The bakeries over here in Northern Germany even offer different kinds of boules, and they all are very, very tasty.
  OP is uncultured and needs more bread in his life.

Why every single loaf is in plastic? Where is this?
- middle america 🌈
- Yeah the amount of plastic wrapping in this picture is concerning, I'm curious where that abomination comes from

Is this the most American post I've ever seen?
Maybe?
A while ago I made cheeseburgers for a family gathering. My dad bought a loaf of bread on the side, and I quote, "just in case".

I buy it. Kroger has some amazing artisan garlic bread.
- artisan
  Supermarket
  You may only pick one
  Do yous not have proper bakeries?
  
  No. The supermarkets destroyed almost all bakeries. Some exist in large, large cities, but very few. USA is monopoly land, also greedy.
  
  There a a lot of panadería in my area with amazing bread and the krogers near me has a genuine proper bakery in it too

Wish it were a simulation. The truth is much sadder. All that bread gets tossed daily into the bin and not even offered to the homeless.

What is even a boule!!? /s
- A french bakery is called a boulangerie, because for centuries bread was prepared in a bowl, or boule. That gave the loaves a particular round shape, like an inverted bowl
  Amazingly, it wasn't until the late 17th century that someone thought, "You know what, I could make this into different shapes, like maybe a stick shape!"
  
  I know. Was being sarcastic.
- Round bread
  
  Yeah, the only person who doesn't know is the subject of the post.

...do your friends not eat bread?
I get offered bread pretty regularly... it's just there, available, all the time; it's a simple offer. Are you never at their houses?

I got a sourdough boule from Lidl once, they're nice.

I love these big crazy breads. They're great on their own and I sometimes make massive dagwood sandwiches with them and slice them up

Most reasonable Americans, and the larger worldwide Culinary Arts groups would prefer to wait a day and get them on sale so we can make fresh croutons; if you ever wonder why there's a discount rack that's always near empty in your local bakery, it's probably someone buying out the day old lot for the afforementioned croutons or something like crostini for some kind of appetizer dish.
- I was always taught to do this with bread crumbs as well, throw it in the oven to dry it out and smashhhhhh.

I think you just do too much drugs.

The bread is a lie.
I must be a lie too.

So many people taking this seriously, kek.

Must be a local thing.