What is the best way to respond to "You have an answer for everything", "You always have to be right", or "You always need to have the last word"?
You gotta admit this post is a little ironic.
Well I think it can definitely be a reflexive response by someone who just doesn't like being contradicted, but it could also be a feeling of "you aren't trying to understand what I'm saying, you're just trying to think of a way to counter it". So it could be worth taking a moment to back up and taking a deeper look at what the person is trying to say.
I have a really annoying way of understanding things. I piece shit together bit by bit and guess at the answer before I'm told. It comes off very interrogative. Even when I'm wrong my attempts to understand seem like I'm being antagonistic. I try to explain to some people how I'm trying to fix the underlying assumptions that led me wrong.
Some people won't respond well and it's really difficult for me to accept that there isn't a way to mediate both of us being happy.
Ask yourself why you feel the need to get the last word, or be right? Ask yourself how important a topic is and gauge your audience, do they really need to hear about what your going to say for the next few minutes? Many times something that is said was never said with the forethought that a response would even happen.
Often times people are having emotional conversations, not factual conversations, it can be hard to tell the difference.
You learn the most when your mouth is not moving.
I think what a lot of people mean by that is "you always have to make other people feel as if they're wrong"
Pretty much, if you are like the "average redditor" guy's videos, then people aren't going to like you, even if you are technically correct.
There are also plenty of people who know a lot about adjacent subjects, think that they are correct all of the time, and are confidently wrong. Both kinds of people suck to be around.
If 1 person has said something in this vein to me, I would not think much of it, if 2 or more people said it, then I would really take a hard look at myself and how I can better empathize with people.
They're implying you're difficult.
Not every conversation has to be a competition.
Like in the Walking Dead games... Silence is a valid option.
"Yes, I know. And experientially it is horrifying to recognize how wrong all of you are all the time. It is a living nightmare."
Sheldon?
If this is true for anyone, they need to change their circumstances.
The reminder of:
"If you run into an asshole in the morning, you ran into an asshole. If you run into assholes all day, you're the asshole." - Elmore Leonard
Think why people say that.
It may be a) you really do act like that, or b) you talk to people who don't like to discuss or learn things.
It can be both. Maybe you talk to the wrong people, but still come off as preachy.
So if someone tells you that, ask what they mean.
Take their concerns seriously, but not necessarily literally.
Maybe they're accurately describing something you do. Maybe not.
Do you try to continue conversations when the other person is trying to disengage? That's an actual thing that many people do; maybe that includes you. Try different approaches, like "Hmm, I still disagree, but I don't need to continue talking about this either" — or just noticing whether it's really important to you to press the subject, and whether the other person is receptive.
Pay attention to the other person's discomfort there. Even if you're right and even if it's important, if someone is tired of hearing your opinion, they're not going to change their mind.
Even if they're not accurately describing you, they're still describing what you seem like to them, at that moment. They may be insecure about their own understanding or judgment, and feel like you have more power than them in the situation, and that you're using it poorly. (But the one thing not to do to an insecure person is to call them insecure.)
One thing they're almost certainly not trying to do, is to escalate the argument to the meta-level of arguing about how good or bad you are at arguing.
If it's a loved one, maybe they don't want an argument; maybe they want a hug. (Ask.)
Yep, 90+% of any conversation is about how you're making the other person feel, not about any actual content of the words being said.
And if anyone just read that and thought "bullshit, that's stupid and illogical," I have some bad news for you about how brains work. (Also: I used to think like that too.)
Our ancestors used their mouths to make emotional noises long before they used their mouths to express logical propositions.
We can never do just one thing with language. Every time we're making a factual statement, we're also saying something about our mood, and our relationship to our audience, and so on. That's just part of what language does.
Take the Keane Reeves approach to having a relaxed life - don't have any arguments, to paraphrase him "Two plus two equals five? OK great, have a nice day, see you around!"
Start with first principles - who is saying this, and are they correct?
I don't know you, or the people you're talking to, but once you're at the "you always have to be right about everything" point, the conversation is adversarial, and it's mostly a moot point where it goes from here. The goal shouldn't be "winning" the conversation at that point, the goal should be never getting there in the first place.
I do know people who act completely disinterested in any conversation that isn't about them lecturing one or more people about something. If this is how you come across, that could be very irritating to people. They don't want to feel inferior to their conversation partner, they want to have a discussion, not receive a lecture.
So back to the start. The goal should be figuring out how to stop the conversation from getting to that point in the first place, and since you have no control over how other people act, you'll need to start paying closer attention to what you are saying, how you are saying it, and how to start engaging with people in topics that they are more knowledgeable about.
As they say, if you're the smartest person in the room, then you're in the wrong room.
Dude, what stakes are there in this conversation? If someone says red M&Ms tastes better, do you argue with them? Ideally not.
Not every statement has to be a debate.
If you're finding people don't want to hang out with you... This is why.
I don't think it's correct to say that I "have" to be right, I'm open to being wrong, in this case I'm usually not
Having the last word is the most nonsensical one to me, since it's often unclear when anyone's word would end up being the last word or not depending on if another word is spoken afterward
There is a very apt series of shorts for your behaviour (just that we can see in the post and comments of course):
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mdyHX8K1yfY& https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mxSa-C92Wno&
It is ok to know someone isn't 100% correct and not call them out for it. It is a huge social skill not to be right all of the time, but to validate other peoples' feelings and pursuit of learning new things. In short, just be quiet and don't say anything like 75% of the time if you know someone is wrong.
On the chance that you're a fellow neurodivergent, I'm going to share something I discovered after moving back in with my mom. We neurodivergents think of information like one might think of rock collecting. We collect information, compare its shininess and smoothness to other pieces of information, roll it over in our hands. We're eager to show information to people, and eager when someone shows us a new piece of information. Anyone enlightening us has our full attention and enthusiasm. And when we get corrected? That is the smoothest, shiniest stone. We collect that voraciously.
But 1) not everyone shares our information-collecting obsession. And 2) everyone has a weakness to their own special kind of rock -- their own, private kryptonite. And we neurodivergents tend to ignore the pain when we pick up our own kryptonite because we figure "information is always good (even if it hurts)."
As a neurodivergent, you must learn which rocks are kryptonite to which people. You must learn to withhold extremely relevant information in the exact conversations when it's most pertinent -- and do so precisely because its pertinence is why it's kryptonite to the person. And you must learn to do so even with fellow neurodivergents.
If you want to discuss the "unacceptable" topics with people, you must look up street epistemology. But keep in mind as you learn it: discussing these topics productively will actually be painful for you if you're a neurodivergent. As you perform street epistemology, you will be asking questions, and the person answering you will be espousing an unbearable symphony of incorrect beliefs.
And you will have to hold back your urge to say, "well, actually" dozens of times a minute, maintaining an outwardly calm appearance and somehow focusing on your next question in the middle of their blizzard of wrongness.
"Ok".
Don't. Stop talking, turn and walk away, never say another work to them. Will piss them off to no end.
There are basically two main possibilities:
If it's the first one, it doesn't really matter how you respond. The best policy is to avoid dealing with people like that as much as possible.
If it's the second one then you should work on trying to fix it. That's the best way to respond.
There's nothing wrong with being right all the time, but relationships need more than just the exchange of facts. If all people know you for is the guy who is right all the time (or needs to be right all the time), then maybe you're neglecting the other aspects of those relationships. There needs to be other things people remember you for.
Being right feels good no? Imagine being told your wrong all the time by the same person. Thats how they feel. Unless its a matter of life or limb, just let people be wrong sometimes.
Just because you are right, doesn't mean you are relevant or the other person is wrong.
"You only seems to ask stupid questions."
"I only happen to always be right when it involves you."
"I grant you the last word."
I know, thank you.
I remember someone saying that and how much it hurt. Because I feel if I know the answer, I am compelled to share it. I see it as a need on their side that I should fulfill. I am a “how can I fix it” mentality. But some people are complaining or speaking just to be heard. They want commiseration, not answers.
If it’s someone close to you, then speak about it — “I’m sorry, I thought you wanted an answer or suggestion, I feel I should provide if I can. Is that not what you’re looking for?”
If it’s someone else, whose opinion is not necessary, you can make a mental note to let them have their delusions, just maybe not with you around.
my experience with being called a 'know-it-all' is entirely from calling shit talking liars on their shitty little lies they want to spread.
examples include 'obama was a muslim', 'trump's a great businessman', 'conservatives are for small government and freedom of speech' etc.
present them with evidence that not only contradicts their thesis but refutes it completely and suddenly 'you're such a know it all!'
lolol
Take the criticism. I usually find that when people I deal with daily say something about me that it isnt out of nowhere.
"yep."
Shrug silently
I got that from someone as projection - as in, if I didn’t let her say some insulting and inaccurate things and then stomp away, it was supposedly because I had to have the last word.
As far as “you have to be right” I point out that being correct is objective and yes, I’d like to have conversations that make sense. If I’m wrong, tell me how and I’m fine with that. Otherwise, I will indeed say things that I believe are correct and true.
Yeah, the only person who has said it to me on my life is someone who is deep in conspiracy theories. For some "weird" reason I don't have this problem with anyone else in my life.
Sometimes it's more about the other person.
Say nothing. You just beat their argument. Also, relax, let people be wrong. It's kind of funny when people come up to you weeks or months later and admit you were right. If you're right most of the time, but don't argue about it, it kind of fucks with people after a while.
Questionable motives for choosing not to be an asshole, but they will likely benefit from being a more pleasant person to be around anyway.
You recognize the irony of your question, yeah?
Edit: I see that you do, and this question has been asked and answered.
I think that's why he's asking
Being quiet.
correct
"That makes one of us."
My dad's friend told him this when they were discussing something. My dad pointed out that the other guy was also keeping the discussion going, being just as guilty of wanting to be right as my dad.
Say: "You got damned right"
Look over to one side, do a sideways smile and shrug like Jim does in The Office all the time.
It could also be that you (OP) could be wrong (at least sometimes) but continue to insist that you are correct. But consider that needing to be right is just another way of saying needing to prove other people wrong. That is exhausting and infuriating from the other side to have someone constantly tear you down. It's not being factually correct that's infuriating, it's the attitude that goes along with needing to be correctz because (if it's being pointed out to you in such a manner) it's not done in a friendly way, but an adversarial way.
People usually just want to have fun, friendly, conversations. When someone, sometimes not even the person you're talking to, butts in and keeps insisting your wrong and that you must acknowledge them, it's extremely rude. It derails the conversation to centre around how smart you (think you) are, instead of the topic, in an adversarial way.
I know someone who "had to have the last word". I'm still trying to figure out if he's maybe neurodivergent and honestly doesn't understand, or if he's just an arrogant asshole. But the end result is the same: you come off as a arrogant asshole, and no one will like you for it. Not only does he always "have to be right", he inserts himself when people aren't even talking to him, and won't let other people move on with the conversation until they acknowledge that he's right. It's rude, selfish, and self centred behaviour.
And then he cries himself the victim when people don't like him, which makes everyone dislike him even more.
The fact that you're even asking this question in this way ("how do I be right?" and not "why do people say this?") shows your need to be correct and make someone else wrong, and your victim complex about it. If I knew you in real life, I wouldn't be your friend.
I 100% agree with what you just said. I used to be a smartarse (and also a dumbarse in hindsight) and have realised the value in de-escalation and letting things lie. There are times where it's OK to say "I haven't considered that" or "I don't know enough to really have an opinion", even if you do know.
Even if you're convinced you're right and they're wrong, if neither of you are going to change your stance just simmer down and let it go. You're never going to change each others minds.
When a person says this, sometimes even if they do it in a positive tone, it's usually a way to verbalize more concrete concerns that you should address. For example, they might feel that you are always dismissing their opinions, that you don't listen to them in general, or they would simply like to get support when they express their views in a group so they get some recognition. In any case, they feel like you can do something to help but may not feel comfortable to express it or may not have fully identified it. If that person is important to you, you should be able to see what they want and take action.
Even if you often try to make that person feel understood and empowered to express their views, everyone's needs are different. For example, if they tend to feel inadequate or are self-conscious about their achievements/intelligence/etc., you may need to go the extra mile here.
Try to identify all the positive and negative interactions with them (i.e., those in which they get the impression that they are right versus those in which they don't) and make sure that positive ones greatly outnumber negative ones. If you need, you can try to acknowledge more situations wherein their contribution to a conversation deserves praise, or even simply not point out their mistakes if the question at hand is not critical for you (easiest imo).
Maybe you don’t always have to be right? Is this coming from people just trying to have a casual conversation? When I’m in that situation I usually just say something basic like “oh interesting!” then move the conversation in a different direction.
oh interesting!
Is it valid criticism? Do you focus more on winning the argument than finding the truth?
Considering they're asking us how to win at such a dialogue, I've got to say, probably.
Let me ask you, how often are you wrong? And of those, how often do you admit it and quit talking? How often do you admit it to yourself but keep the fight going? How often do you make excuses?
Whether you answer me or not doesn't matter, you need to truly, honestly answer it for yourself. Think about it. A person who can't admit they're wrong is done learning, a person who is done learning is done growing, and a person who is done growing is dead already.
You don’t know what the true truth is, no one does; you only have your own. You need the truth of others to focus your views closer to the real truth. Say you already know what the truth is closes you off to the possibility of growth regardless of what you say, and makes it pointless to have a debate.
You really only need to state your case once and then don't belabor it. People are not going to always agree with you, but it's not because you haven't sufficiently and thoroughly overwhelmed them with facts and logic.
I don't "have to" anything. It just often works out that way.
"Really?" "What makes you say that?"
Don't
Stop
Related: if they call you a smartass, a retort I like is "I'd rather be a smartass than a dumbass"🤷
Somewhat related...
For people that say they do stupid stuff simply because they have the right to, I say this in return:
"Well I have the right to wipe my ass with a pinecone, but that doesn't mean it's the right thing to do."
"Correct"
Honestly, just punch them in the face. Bitches gotta bitch
Waiting for op to say the last word to everyone commenting
Thank you
“No u”
"I do try"
So do you.
Smile, wag a finger in good humor, and walk away.
Facts don't care about your feelings.
Letting them have the last word by leaving. Well unless you are their parental figure in which case it’s I’m your X I’m legally required to have the last word.