Cracked minecraft: where the heck is it? How do I obtain it???

So, i have a conundrum. I want to play minecraft, but I am absolutely seething at having to log in to my Microsoft account. I've owned Minecraft for over 10 years, but I've grown to despise Microsoft. I want an offline DRM-free Minecraft experience, and I've found versions of Prism launcher that support cracked game data, but I have no idea where to download cracked Minecraft. It's like it doesn't even exist. I'm tech savvy enough to download whatever game I want from the internet... except Minecraft??? Where is Minecraft?!

I'm also willing to simply download legitimate versions through my account one last time and then use a tool to crack them, but I can't find a way of doing that either. I beseech you, Lemmy users, how can I play Minecraft with my girlfriend without Michaelsoft being involved.