1y ago

Fake news, fake penis...

114 comments

What’s wrong with that.
- Nothing’s wrong with dildos, but it has to be pretty embarrassing to show the world that you read books
  
  That's why I only fill my bookshelf with bad dragon toys
  
  Just imagine the wobble that goes through this array of assorted dragon dicks when someone bumps that shelf.
  
  I want nothing more than to sporadically think of this throughout the day today
  Edit: Imagine my equal delight and disappointment to realize we weren’t talking about actual tiny dragon toys
  
  Oh. Oh, you poor innocent soul. Sometimes I wish for the days of fancy and wonder to come back to me. You keep thinking the best thoughts!
  
  Look at Richie Rich over here being able to afford even a single Bad Dragon
  
  Black Friday was my gateway, a werewolf boy for cheap. Then, discontinued toys back for a 'until they're gone' surprise sale, and you know I was getting myself a Liger or two. Then when I needed a bag a few years ago, oh look they have that too, oh and condoms and stickers... They have holiday cock lights, too now!
  Once you are a connoisseur, you never leave.
- I wouldn't exactly put dildos and professionalism in the same category
  
  Depends on the profession, I suppose.
  Do dildo testers have a union?
  
  what about dildo producers?
  Dildo designers?
  Dildo community managers?
  
  bad dragon has merch
  
  I need a FOSS dildo manager
  
  You've led me on quite the rabbit hole of sex toy technology, kind stranger. Here are some of my finds:
  First, a simple bluetooth sex toy app: https://github.com/dreadhonk/ToyControl.git
  Connecting sex toys to several ero games: https://github.com/Sauceke/LoveMachine.git
  Connecting sex toys to your VRChat avatar: https://github.com/SutekhVRC/VibeCheck.git
  Transmitting Morse code via buttplug vibrations (For your chess cheating needs) : https://github.com/RonSijm/ButtFish.git
  And my favorite:
  Connecting sex toys vibrations to kills in Team Fortress 2: https://github.com/fionafibration/team-frotress-2
  As a bonus, i also learned the term Teledildonics, which is cool.
  
  Think about the cybersecurity implications - how many people get cheap shitty sex toys (jelly toys aren’t sanitizable btw 🤢). There’s already a lot of issues with smart lights, fridges, having default root passwords or already shipped compromised… now you can have a botnet inside your butt.
  
  Buttnet, surely?
  
  As long as it’s got a flared base.
  
  You can't just talk about teledildonics without mentioning the great buttplug.io. Its creator even has notifications set up for when someone mentions teledildonics on Reddit (maybe not anymore, haha). Many games have support for it through a mod and IIRC one officially released a 'sex update' to support buttplug.io. Not a sex game, by the way.
  
  Don't forget the programmers! (teledildonics)
  
  Not sure, we’re mostly self employed and really work out at the end of the day
  
  I hear it has its ups and downs
  
  Lots of in, lotta outs…
  
  Be the change you want to see in the world, I believe in you
  
  No, they are in the business of getting fucked so a union would be a bad fit for them.
  
  I wanna test condoms but they probably use dildos
  
  There's profe