Unethical Life Pro Tips

Setting off a detector might give you a time bonus while they investigate.

I was watching the Simpsons episode where Homer is a firefighter and that gave me the idea.

cross-posted from: https://toast.ooo/post/2040618

> Saw this on HackerNews via @hn50@social.lansky.name > > My Mastodon post about it & @watmildon@en.osm.town's reply linking to OpenStreetMap's documentation with an example to find banks far away from police stations > > !

First off: This post is about a tiny Leatherman multitool. Not a gun, not a sword, not something that can actually hurt someone. Just a small, harmless tool that is unfairly banned from planes because of onerous TSA regs. No one is going to do 9/11 with tiny pliers and a fingernail-sized screwdriver.

Now that that's cleared up...

There are 2 things I hate: Going without my keychain-sized Leatherman, and checking a bag at the airport. Unfortunately, these things are in conflict, as TSA won't let me take my precious Squirt (actual product name... ew) in my carry on. Over the years, I've probably lost half a dozen multitools to overzealous airport security, both in the US and abroad.

I've probably gotten it past security over a dozen times, but there doesn't seem to be any consistency to it. Packing it between my razor and my beard trimmer worked for a while, until it didn't. Lining it up with the handlebars of my suitcase worked a couple times. But then I lost another one.

"Did you know they sell airport-friendly Leathermans that don't have a knife?" Yes I do. Did you know that several overseas airports straight up don't care, and will take it anyway? (I'm looking at you, Philippines and Costa Rica.)

I don't need a different tool. What I really need is a reliable method to get this tiny tool past security, so that I can peacefully open beers, fix janky hotel showers, and open the occaisional package without having to buy a new Leatherman every year.

Thank you in advance for your calm, measured, and helpful responses.

If your job has key performance indicators (KPI) but makes you report them (for some reason) always under report a little. Add the extras to the next day (so that no metric goes too stale) and keep any extras for the following. If you ever have a lazy day you still have a few extra things to report to keep your average high and looking like a consistent and dependable worker.

I had 6 weeks of annual leave saved up. Im changing to a job that pays significantly more than my current salary. When my boss asked me what it would take to stay, I asked for a salary increase of 35% which he begrudingly gave me. Then I quit. This equated to an entitlement payout of about $10,700 instead of $8000 on my previous rate, an extra $2700. And the new job still pays more than the increased rate I asked for.

That way, if there are any damages, you can take a picture with the newspaper and "prove" that the damage was there when you moved in.

No more late return fees!

If you ever hit a parked car accidentally, write "sorry" on one of those cards and stick it on their windshield.

A mum says to the exchange student "heres a mum tip: hang up your clothes properly like this instead of all bunched up and it will dry a lot faster"

I immediately follow with "here's a dad tip: you can keep doing it wrong 4 or 5 times before you get yelled at"

If you ever want to apply for a job that you don't qualify for; act really enthusiastic. Mention it's your dream job exct.

Next, research the contents of the resume. Do a bit of questioning. Specifically if you can look for reviews of products and look up complaints. Like IE "The HP4015 printers are so easy to take apart, they always tend to jam where it pulls up the paper, but if the rollers are replaced they last damn near forever..." They will think you know a lot more about the product.

Try to arrive early and be ready to make small talk. Especially for web cam videos.

With a bit of luck, you can get a job that you probably shouldn't be doing. Take lots of notes and ask questions when training and if you look the part you will be fine.

Other tips:

If you don't want to write a cover letter, put your resume in a sock. This way when they interview you; all they get is a sock.

That way, if you damage anything, you have video proof that you left it in good condition.

Works for mobile too

Keeps your status green indefinitely. As a bonus, it also keeps your device from going into sleep mode (and timing out of VPN if your company uses that).

ULPT: Post job ads in your area for jobs similar to the one you have(or are looking for) at your desired salary.

This way if your employer checks to see if your wage is competitive it will look like they should give you a raise in order to retain you.

It could really save your ass one day.

Don't be too obvious about it though.

PayPal doesn't require you to enter a credit card to create an account in these countries. You can then add the PayPal account as a payment method to the site.

The other person will see “call failed” instead of “call ended”, which gives you plausible deniability.

The key allows you to access the control panel that starts the cycle. Free laundry!

Ever feel uncomfortable holding someone’s child? Or don't like being asked to see someone's baby? Just say you're sick (or just recovering). The parents will be very happy to keep the bay far away from you.

If you bop your head a little, they'll assume you're listening to music and speak more freely.

Preferably near the French cheeses. Anyone who smells it will think the blue cheeses are especially pungent today.

For example, give them four quarters instead of one dollar.

As many people prefer not to carry around lots of loose change, they're more likely to just drop it in your tip jar.

As an added bonus, there will be less coins in the register to count at the end of the day, if that's part of your job.

Helps if you show up in worn out clothing and act like a child upon arrival.

(Meant for people in the US, of course)

Some sites offer up to 30% off.

Many of them don't change their password often.

Many workplaces offer bereavement leave for the death of a close family member, often with no proof of such events occurring.

To avoid any potential mishaps, only "kill off" relatives that have already passed.

Any other chores works as well.